Day 13: Fear of the Future

Day 13: Fear of the future

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I forgive myself that I have accetpted and allowed myself to fear the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my life being a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing failure when taking a decision.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in not deciding I am already deciding and that if I fail it is always because a series of decisions that I have made.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that If I don’t actively participate in taking decisions but ‘let life pass’ the outcomes as failures are not so much my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that wherever I am in my life it is a direct consequence of myself and my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear of the future to control me to not take decisions and make them real by walking them to the full extent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stick with a decision in fear that I may fail or that it may be the wrong decision.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is not so much about taking the one decision that will make or brake my life but that I have to walk it – because even if the decision I take results to be one with an outcome that I’d like to have, it still needs to be walked.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it does not matter what decision I take if I don’t make it real – realize – it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make real my realizations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making real my realizations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear of the future to lead me to a 

insecure and fearful isolating life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself in fear of participating in my life in fear of failing/not making the good decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want something to happen in my world that will make things happen and change instead of realizing that I am the creative and directive principle of my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that as a creator I create my life wheter I am aware of it or not.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am continuously creating my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to re-create my past experiences through living in my mind as fear and trusting my mind within this fear instead of seeing that I am not my mind or the fears I experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ab-use (abnormal use) myself by isolating myself in fear of life instead of realizing that I am actually fearing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ohters outside of myself create my world and within this fear the world instead of realizing that I create myself and that the world is the accumulative result of everyone’s worlds.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the opportunity to face myself and walk through what I have created as my internal world that has created the reality that I experience now in fear that I may screw my outer world instead of realizing that it is already screwed because otherwise I would not fear walking through it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to wait until my world is screwed up completely before walking through the shit I’ve accepted instead of realizing that this desire already shows how full of shit I am and that it is enough for me tos top and correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give excuses to not have to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the way I am living now is not in any way who I am as I have been conditioned and have copied from my environment  and thus 

I cannot trust what I experience because I have created in ignorance and thus I have to walk within common sense not trusting my experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rally in my mind with excitement whenever I have a realziation within myself about my situation/life/experience instead of seeing that I have to make it real step by step by walking it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself within the experience 

of energy so that I don’t have to face the reality that I have created.

I commit myself to make my realziations real through living them in the realization that unless I walk my realizations they will never be made real.

I commit myself to stop terrorizing myself with fear of the future in the realziation that whatever comes in the future is something I have created and thus will show to myself what I have to correct of myself.

I commit myself to stop blaming anything or anyone outside of myself and take full responsibility for myself in the realization that in placing responsibility outside of myself I am allowing myself too make excuses and justifications and arguments about my situation to not have to change it.

I commit myself to stop the belief that there is one decision that will make or brake my life instead of ralizing that the decisions I take have to be lived to reality and that it takes time and thus not one decision by the merely fact of taking it in a moment will change my life forever.

I commit myself to stop wanting my life to take me to an event that will make my life change in the realization that unless I move, nothing will move in my life in the way I see I have to direct it.

Day 12: Energy

I have experienced how the starting point of energy in doing the blogs, energy that I experienced as competition, dropped. In not having more energy from the mind-competition then the question of who I am emerges as I have the opportunity to continue without energy and walk or give up. Giving up is only an illusion because I have to inevitably face myself - and so I can chose to continue living in the illusion of energy and giving up or walk reality - to walk the blogs no matter what from self-directive starting point instead of energy motivated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write the blogs from the starting point of competition and wanting to arrive to the goal instead of remaining here as breath without participating in energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the experience of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need the experience of energy and rushing to be able to move myself to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to move only within energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that giving up is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that who I am does not consist of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don't have the experience of energy I cannot move myself to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that by motivating myself through energy to do blogs I am limiting myself because I am subjecting my self-movement to energy that is not sustainable and runs-out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move only if I have the experience of energy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how limitied I allow myself to be and become when I only move through energy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to move within the starting point of myself as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the experience of energy is real and use it as self-gratification to 'feel good'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the feeling of feeling good in participation of energy from the mind is not real and that it is a polarity and not stable and that it cannot last.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop the illusion of energy and walk within common sense .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up self direction for energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the consequences of giving up self direction for energy.

I forgive myself that  I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself in giving up to energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can 'run out' of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I only need breath to move myself and that the believe that I need some experience to move myself is false.

I commit myself to move myself within breath without subjecting myself to energy experience in order to get things done.

I commit myself to push trough the 'energy drops' that I may experience in the realization that I do not consist of energy.

I commit myself to prove to myself that I am not energy through walking through what I have to do in common sense disregarding all apathy and other experience of rejection and resistance.