Day 34: Engineering my Mind

How come I find some subjects more difficult than other ones? Should this be the basis for me to choose my education? What makes me say that some subject is easier than another one? Can I change this? Should I judge myself for not knowing some subjects? 

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear some subjects and not fear other ones.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge some subjects as more difficult than some other ones.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the fact that I find some subjects more difficult than others is due to pre-programming in where I allowed myself to integrate knowledge useful for certain subjects and not for other subjects.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I did not know/wasn't able to do/pass any subject when I was born and that the fact that I find some subjects easier now is due to a process of integration of knowledge - similar to the one I will have to go through to be able to successfully pass the subjects I find difficult now.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in being able to do what I've done in the past - be able to learn a subject and thus being able to pass the tests for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the process of integration of a subject/understanding of a subject without realizing that I have done it many times in the past with the subjects I find easier now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to understand and apply the process of learning of a subject.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the fact that I find some subjects easier now it's not because the subjects are easier (although they may NOW be for me) but because I've gone through a process that has enabled me to work effectively with that subject.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the process that I went through to where now I find myself judging a subject as easier and another as difficult - and taking this as true without investigating how come is that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can create/walk a process for myself of integration/understanding of any subject that I come face to face with - and that for this I need to understand how to do this effectively and how the quantum mind works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the emotion of self-defeat and depression and wanting to give up when seeing how certain subjects that I deemed as difficult are required for certain careers I'd like to do without investigating how it is that I can walk through those subjects by investigating what makes possible for a human to go through those subjects/any subject of education.

I commit myself to investigate the processes involved in effective education - specifically how the quantum mind works - so that I am able to walk through any subject necessary without fear but in total understanding of the process and the required steps I have to walk through to become effective within any educational field.

I understand that the fact that I fear some subjects and not some others  is due to the fact that I have not yet understood how it is possible for me to work with my mind and body effectively.

I realise that the fact that I find some subjects more difficult than others at the moment is not due to an unchangeable trait of 'myself' but because I have not understood and applied myself in the specific processes that it takes to become effective in those subjects.

I realise that I don't have to take it personally that I now don't know and can't walk through a specific subject as it is something I can change with the understanding and application of how the quantum mind works.

I realise that going into depression and giving up is simply a self-sabotage from the mind that does not in any way change my position but that enslaves me to not be able to change the the situation with those subjects that I can't walk through at the moment.

When and as I see that I go into apathy, depression and wanting to give up due to seeing a subject as difficult/impossible - I breath - and realise that I have to understand the nitty-gritty details of the quantum mind, the subject and how to make it work so that I create the possibility for myself to go through those subjects effectively - and that it will take time as it took for me to be able to say that some subject I find easy.

When and as I see that I judge some subject as difficult - I stop, breathe and remind myself that it will take time and a process walked in specificity for me to be able to walk through the subject I am seeing now as difficult - but that it is not true that it is difficult - only that I have not yet gone through the necessary process of making it easy for myself.

Day 33: Slow down, Speed up

Self Forgiveness on studying chemistry

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge chemistry as difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to learn and remember chemistry nomenclature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to find a way to learn nomenclature effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself within chemistry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if others can learn and know chemistry - so do I.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with non-practical chemistry knowledge instead of focusing on results/practical application of what I study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to apply what I have studied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgetting what I have studied when I am doing an exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear studying specifically the process of nomenclature in chemistry within fear of not succeeding/not being able to apply it later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being unsuccessful in studying chemistry and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself within chemistry to avoid failure - not realizing that I if I don't apply myself I've already allowed myself to fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being unable to pass chemistry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am unable to learn chemistry.

I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to pass chemistry by applying myself unconditionally without expectation - simply applying myself day by day and seeing the results for myself.

I commit myself to remind myself that unless I apply myself I will not know if I am able to pass chemistry or not.

I commit myself to stop the desire of passing chemistry and simply walk myself through the subject accepting any outcome without accepting anything less than my best in my application to become effective within it.

I commit myself to apply myself within my studies utilizing the best method I can find without shortcuts that would undermine my effectiveness within the subject  - utilizing the more effective techniques and procedures I find that work to become effective at the subject.

I commit myself to realize that results are time-bound and require time to develop - so whenever I see I am running in my mind and becoming anxious about getting results - I stop, breathe and move myself to walk step by step the subject - within the realization that then I know it is real.

Day 32: Point of Anxiety looking at the future - Ruthlessness is Me

I was reading a DIP lesson where it is explained that we are self responsible for the totality of ourselves and I took an example for myself asking myself why it was that I was anxious every time I looked at the future of my day seeing all the tasks I have to do – and then I saw that  it is because by participating in anxiety in looking at the tasks I still have to do I allow myself to do the tasks more superficially and also sometimes allow me to give up on the task and do another thing to not have to experience the anxiety experience that I created in the first place – thus it’s an excuse to give up self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the emotion of anxiety when I see the tasks I have to during the day to not have to complete them effectively and instead utilize the anxiety as an excuse to give up self direction and to participate in procrastination.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I don’t need an energetic experience like anxiety to move myself away from or towards doing something – but that I can direct myself Here as breath in the moment and get the tasks I set myself to do done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself that I can walk through the tasks I set for myself in a day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that all that I do during the day I have decided to do – as every movement of my physical body and mind I have to accept and allow for it to be = it exist through my permission -- directly or indirectly in awareness or not.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can be ruthless in my application – moving from one task to the other without hesitation – directing me here as breath effectively – being aware of each movement I do and being specific and direct to the point I am dealing with.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply myself as ruthlessness within the realization that I am everything that exists – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word ruthlessness as me.

 

I commit myself to whenever I see I am going into the experience of anxiety at the sight of the tasks I have to do = I stop within myself, breathe and direct myself to do the next priority task without hesitation.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am doing a task that is not priority – stop myself and direct myself to breathe Here and do the priority task.

I commit myself to stop utilizing excuses to give up and procrastinate on the tasks I have  to do – and instead realize that I decide what I do and I can decide to do what’s best for All and this is the principle I will apply when choosing what I do no matter what – in ruthlessness – for this I commit myself to remain here as breath and assess if the task I am doing is in fact the best I can be doing or not – and move myself accordingly.

  

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Day 31: Being Liked

 

The first day I find myself participating in the class about 50% of the times the teacher asks a question. There is something going on about wanting that much attention and it is related to wanting to get better marks by being liked by the teacher that stems from fear of getting bad marks if I am disliked and from competition. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be liked by the teacher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to obtain recognition from the teacher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disliked by the teacher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within fearing failing – want the teacher to like me so that I can influence him/her to put a better score based on my manipulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disliked by the teacher and getting worse marks for this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that no matter how ‘nice’ or not I am towards the teacher what matters is how I perform in the class/practices/exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the teacher not liking me as a reason for getting bad marks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I manage to get the teacher to like me I will get better marks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put the reason why I get the marks I get within the teacher liking me or not instead of sticking to the rules of evaluation of every subject.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to interact more with the teacher than the rest of the class so that he/she gets to know me in the hope that I will get special treatment if 

I succeed to make him/her like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get better/privileged treatment from the teacher than the rest of the class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in competition within getting attention from the teacher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the teacher to make things easier for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the subjects to be easier for me than for the rest of the class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the class and from the teacher by competing to get attention to be liked and to get better grades and better opportunities than the rest of the class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be better than the rest of the class/than the majority of the class in the eyes of the teacher by ‘showing off’ in front of them in speaking knowledge and information in the hope that I will get special treatment for that and that it will reflect in my grades.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interact with the teacher/class in fear of not being liked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get anxious when the teacher asks a question and nobody replies in the classroom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately answer a question that the teacher asks if I know the answer without considering everyone else in the class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I ‘earn’ points in the eyes of the theacher whenever I reply a question when nobody does.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider that maybe I am not the only one that know the answer but the others are holding back because I am immediately showing signs that I want to reply to the question/reply to the question - and so I finally participate without giving the opportunity for others to participate  - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the opportunity to reply to teacher’s questions to ‘show off’ in order to be liked/in the hopes of being liked and getting more ‘points’/better grades – in competition with all others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the class from the starting point of energy and desire to show off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the class in fear of not being liked if I don’t and thus getting –apparently- worse marks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe from the starting point of Ego that if I don’t reply a question no one will.

Whenever I see I am about to talk with the class within the starting point of ‘showing off’ or wanting to be liked by the teacher I stop, breathe and reconsider the point to see how I can support myself within it in fact – not talking to be liked.

Whenever I see I am about to spend more time talking with the teacher I stop and consider if I in fact require to talk with the teacher or if I am wanting to be liked/noticed and accordingly act.

Whenever I see I am wanting to participate in the classroom within the starting point of competition and getting attention I stop, breathe and allow others to share themselves/participate in the class equally.

Whenever I get anxious to participate within a question being asked by the teacher I stop, breathe and consider if I require support or further insight with the point I am going to participate with and act accordingly.

Whenever I see that nobody replies a question the teacher has asked and I go into anxiety and desire 

to reply I stop within myself and breathe or say ‘stop’ and breathe and allow time to pass so someone else can have the opportunity to participate.

Whenever I see that I go into fear of letting pass an opportunity to show off within the class I stop, breathe and and leave the opportunity open for others to participate in the class.

I commit myself to check within myself the starting point of my participation in the class BEFORE I speak so that I don’t talk from the starting point of energy or fear.

Day 30: Sloppiness or Effectiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the subject being difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the teacher making the subject difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the difficulty I may find in a subject.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a forgiving teacher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a permissive teacher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘get away’ with sloppiness in my education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in slopiness within my education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the opportunities and permisiveness of teachers in the past by participating in sloppiness getting away with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness whenever I arrive late without having prepared the class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness in my education by handing homework out of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness in my education by writing papers fast and inaccurately – delivering papers full of mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness in my education by doing the homework without enough time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness within my education by not studying or not studying enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness within my education by ‘switching-off’ in my mind when I am in class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness in my education by performing tasks/procedures in practical classes without knowing what steps to take due to not having prepared the class/task/procedure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to stop participating in sloppiness within my education.

I commit myself to put myself to work in the subject I signed up to do by studying the required knowledge and procedures – saying ‘no’ within myself whenever a judgement arise and breathing and I continue applying myself within the subject wether I am at the class at home or elsewhere.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is me that makes a study subject difficult whenever I don’t prepare myself effectively to integrate the knowledge and procedures required to understand and be effectively with that subject and within this I commit myself to review what I am doing with my time whenever I see I am blaming the teacher/the subject of being too difficult and accordingly assign time and work to the subject by placing extra time and dedication to that subject – thus making it ‘easier’ for me.

I commit myself to realize that I am my own teacher and that if I accept and allow sloppiness within my application I will probably ‘slip and fall’ with my studies and have to do it over again – thus I commit myself to stop desiring a forgiving/permissive teacher as that is only an excuse to continue to ‘slip and fall’ by continuing to participate in sloppiness within my education. Within this I commit myself to whenever I see I am participating in and as sloppiness in my studies or elsewhere – stop, thake a breath and push myself to continue my application and perfect it so that the task that I am doing comes out in a way that I am satisfied that is effective and practical – that it works.

I commit myself to remain ‘here’ whenever I am in class by breathing and saying ‘no’ within myself to any thought/picture that arise – and deliberately re-conducting my attention to the class/teacher/task I am participating in the moment – physically here.

I commit myself to check the homework/tasks and knowledge I am intergating by reading the papers and checking the numbers before delivering a paper and by re-visiting in my mind or out loud or in writing whatever it is that I am studying to make sure that it is in place and that I have understood/learned/integrated whatever it is I am studying.

I commit myself to prepare myself before-hand the classes I will attend by reading and studying and practising the topics/tasks that the class will consist of so that I am effective and fluent with the topic/task as much as possible and so that I am prepared to ask questions that I have not been able to resolve or that I’d like an expansion on – making my learning more effective.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that fear – like energy – is not real and in fact a self-manipulation technique to cover up self interest thus I commit myself to investigate the self interest behind my fear of not being able to stop my sloppiness within education as it is revealing a self interest in not stopping it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to continue my participation in sloppiness within my education so that I don’t get an education and don’t have to take responsibility for myself but be supported by my parents – not having to take responsibility for myself financially and not having to take responsibility for my world.

I commit myself to delibereately stop all the points I see that I participate in sloppiness and immediately apply myself consistently step-by-step breath by breath practically in whatever task I try to participate in sloppiness - setting a flag-point for myself whenever I want to participate/am participating in sloppiness in the realization that I am trying to not take responsibility for myself/my world.