Day 29: Attent-ion as Energy Addict-ion

During my school years I have consistenlty looked for attention in arriving late at school every day or many days a week. I lived close to school but I would give excuses to not leave home until the last minutes, then run to school and arrive the last, having many within the class turning their heads as I entered the classroom, and sometimes I even had out-loud comments from classmates wich was the cherry on top of the cake. Why? Because I was receiving attention. For a moment I was the center of attention and I experienced energy for it. I had two energy rushes – one from running from home to school and another when they would look at me or make some comments – and I also felt like a ‘bad boy’. There was also the expectation of the reaction from the teacher. The first thing I would do when entering the classroom is to have a quick look to spot their reaction. I did not like starting the class inside the classroom waiting for the teacher and being one more in the group, I saw it as boring when all it was is the mind being bored for not getting energy. This rush I did not notice then very clearly but definetly there was an energetic experience between guilt and satisfaction from the attention I was receiving in arriving late and the last-minute run.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to be more than others in receiving special attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed my Ego with an EnergyGO from receiving extra attention within a group.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the energy rush from the chemicals released in physical exercise such as running.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create a situation where I have to run in order to experience an energetic charge of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be/perceive myself to be inferior than others if I don’t get special treatment/attention and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go to the opposite polarity by perceiving myself as superior in trying and getting the attention from everyone in a group even to the point of sabotaging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react energetically to the comments and stares and attention I receive from a group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge as boring being within a grup unnoticed or being equally noticed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I get attention from others I am more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed-off energetically from the reaction I get to my behaviour within a group/towards a group of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as God - as that which is more than others - from getting reactions from people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define God as that which is more than others instead of seeing that god would be taking responsibility for a creative hability.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that my only real power is breath and no amount of attention can maintain me alive.

I forgive myself that I haven’t acepted and allowed myself to see that I am equal to others despite any concept and idea I have about myself being more or less than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider myself as a 'bad boy' for pushing the limits of the rules at school by arriving late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with guilt and fear when arriving late at school - fearing consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an energy-junkie feeding of energy rushes instead of living myself that doesn't consist of energy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that being bored when not getting special attention was/is an experience of the mind not getting energy to feed off and that when I am here as breath I don't require anything else/more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in consummerism as the consummerism society by indulging in energy experiences from the mind.

I commit myself to show that it is possible to live in equality without chasing imaginary powergames of being more or less.

I commit myself to stop, breathe and direct myself to focus on a physical task/activity when I see that

I am about to speak and act to receive attention from others.

I commit myself to remind myself that whenever I am looking for attention I am indicating that I don’t give attention to myself.

I commit myself to show that it is possible to live a fulfilling life without having to put down and stand on others within one’s mind.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am going into an energetic experience from a physical activity = stop myself and breathe - discontinuing participation from the mind and taking it to the physical here as breathe.

Day 28: Keep Sleeping or Face Living

On oversleeping by not immediaely standing up when the alam goes on in the morning. On fearing school subjects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up from the bed when I wake up and it's the time that I had set for me to get up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate in getting up by setting the alarm for later on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to face my day and tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear putting myself to study in the 

mornings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if the morning has passed without me having done schoolwork then I am entitled to not have to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into not doing school work in the mornings so that I don’t do it at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to not being able to understand the subjects I have to study.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that it doesn’t matter that I don’t get/understand the subject of study because it’s only a matter of time and dedication that I get it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in order to get/understand a subject I have to allocate TIME and WORK on it so that I have the full opportunity to understand/get the subject effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the opportunity to get/understand the subjects I have to study by not allocating any/enough time and my work into it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself with fear and judgements of the subject instead of getting on with it without WASTING time as it requires time to integrate knowledge and information effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself and utilize this as an excuse to not take on the subjects of study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the resistence I experience towards actually putting myself to work on my school subjects is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself into walking my school subjects step by step one breath at a time.

I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to really understand the subjects I have to study by dedicating time and work on them.

I commit myself to stop all self doubt about my hability to understand a subject by dedicating myself to it to find out for myself if I can do it.

I commit myself to remind myself that if I don’t put time and work into studying I am not giving 

myself the opportunity to fully walk this point and thus putting myself in dire straits academically and therefore financially.

I commit mysef to remind myself that not putting in time and work into studying doesn’t relieve me from the consequence of the results as in saying ‘but I did not study’ on bad marks.

Day 27: Past Determining Present

 I was asked to do a task that was similar to one that I did that didn't work  and I reacted within myself to the petitioner/situation and allowed myself to speak from the starting point of reaction/energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to someone asking me to do something that did not work out in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my answers to past experiences instead of realizing that the past is gone, no longer here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed  myself to take it personally when I was asked to do something that didn’t work out in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the reaction to the memory of a past experience, reply to the person asking wanting to end the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the past experience of failure control the way in which I communicate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated because in the past an action didn’t work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to the task I was asked to do because it did not work in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give excuses to not have to do what I was asked based on the memory of the past of not succeeding at the task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath and remain stable when I see that I react to something someone says.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reply within the reaction of what was being said, instead of taking a breath and make sure I am clear before speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger when someone asked to do something that I failed at in the past/that didn’t work out in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear when being asked to do something that I wasn’t able to succeed at in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior because I did not succeed in the past in the task that I was being asked to do.

I commit myself to check within myself if I am clear before replying  in a conversation.

I commit myself to give me time to reply when I am being asked to do something, so that I can check within myself if I am goint to reply from a starting point of energy as reaction or actually considering myself and everything/everyone else.

I commit myself to not take it personally when I get a ‘button’ pushed by someone talking with me and instead breathe and remind me that all reactions are about me and not the other person.

I commit myself to remind me that not succeeding at a task doesn’t mean I am inferior to anyone else but that I have to work/insist on that point/task.

Day 26: My Education is My Responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally a the video on Finland’s education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the education system for my current position within education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a big deal out of studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in sadness to the realization that I have make a big deal out of education and wasted many opportunities within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in sadness to my current position within education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in sadness to the realization that I have been hard on myself with regards to study and that it is in fact simple thus - I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that studying is simple.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sad to the realization that I could have had a better education from a better education system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not educate myself as I would like others to have educated me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to motivate myself to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the opportunity to walk through my education making it appealing and fun for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make studying comfortable for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge schooling as dull.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in competition within my education instead of seeing that it is about self-expansion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in guilt for not having utilized past opportunities of studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the education system for my current level of education.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my education by educating myself both academically and with life skills.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put the responsibility to educate myself outside out myself in the education system.

I commit myself to stop looking at the past in order to activate energy experiences of guilt, judgement, comparison or blame and instead I commit myself to take the necessary steps to create myself as a succesful student.

I commit myself to make studying appealing and comfortable and fun as much as possible.

I commit myself to approach my studies practically instead of reacting and juding them.

I commit myself to remind myself to take the opportunity I have to educate myself and finish my 

studies within the realization that time will not wait for me.

Day 25: Hiding from Myself in Sleep

'Hiding from Depression in Sleep' by T.M. Vogsland

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately try to hide from myself in sleeping during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses like being tired for sleeping during the day without placing an alarm to limit the amount I sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am directed by an experience of energy heaviness when I want to go to sleep during the day - and that most of the times
the tiredness is not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the experience of heaviness and go to sleep instead of breathing through it - or at least set an alarm if I need to have a rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize sleeping to not have to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is possible to not take responsibility for myself - not seeing that by sleeping I am only compounding and manifesting consequence for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize sleeping as a 'coping mechanism' to not have to face what is here as what I see I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse sleeping as a way of not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the inevitability that I have to face myself and that the time that I have and the opportunities I have are limited.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the opportunity I have as time by sleeping during the day/oversleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself by oversleeping.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the phyisical requeriments of
my body in terms of sleeping are limited and the rest of the time I spend in bed I spend in my mind mostly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by oversleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mislead myself into using the practical act of sleeping  to hide from my self-responsibilities.

I commit mysel to utilize the act of sleeping in a practical way by spending the necessary amount of time that the body requires and nothing more.

I commit myself to remind myself that I do not require extra time of sleeping during the day and that

I can simply breathe through the desire of going to sleep.

I commit myself to not allow myself to oversleep as I see that it is self-sabotaging myself.

I commit myself to investigate why it is that I want to give up during the day and go to sleep and take on the reason for this immediately instead of going into reaction and going to sleep.