Day 65: Too Fast Will Blow

Stopping the 'wanting to go fast' impatient character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to accomplish tasks fast.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start to do a task with the assumption that it won't take long - instead of unconditionally doing the task with walking all the steps necessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush within doing tasks - and create innecesary consequence by making mistakes, effectively slowing me down.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply myself as the word 'patience' within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take risks and shortcuts when doing tasks within the desire to finish fast.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience and 'wait for myself' when doing tasks - completing tasks without rushing or going into my mind as thoughts and/or inner-chatter.

Whenever I see that I am 'rushing' in doing a task, I stop and breathe. I realize and remind myself that rushing can have serious consequences and that if I am to complete a task I have to walk all of it - so
I breathe and do the task focusing on what I am doing in the physical.

I see, realize and understand that any process / endeavour that is worthwile will take time to build and that some tasks one cannot make it go faster in a given moment but maybe only over time - so I walk with myself through tasks reminding myself that if I miss being 'here' doing the task in the physical and instead 'jump' to the mind as thoughts and reactions to the task = I will be missing it and compromising myself - specially so when working with potentialy dangerous instruments or products at work or at school - that can create irreversible consequence and harm to myself and/or others.

Day 64: Commitment to Self

Commiting myself to do something that I am able to do I have done many times - for example assisting classes at school, paying for something in fractions, etc. Yet when it comes to self-assistance, self-help there is where I fail - and it is simple steps like writing a blog daily or studying for DIP or studying for school consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply myself in consistency and commitement whenever I have to do something for others - but not do it to assist myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up excuses to not apply miself consistently daily in what I see I can do to help myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in not doing the tasks I know I have to do to better myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to commit myself to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and distract myself from supporting myself with entertainment - not giving myself the opportunity to self-discovery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide and run away from facing myself in entertainments instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the inevitability that I face myself along with the consequences manifested for myself by myself - that grow bigger with not facing myself.

Whenever I see that I am 'drifting off' and not facing myself within my day, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have the opportunity to support myself and 'add one' for myself in directing myself to do the next point to support myself - so I do so.

Whenever I see that I experience apathy and/or resistance towards walking a task, I stop and breathe. I realize and that the task is not the problem, so I see within myself where does the apathy/resistance come from and direct myself to do the task.

Whenever I see that there is backchat/internal chatter coming up in my mind during my day, I stop and breathe. I say 'stop, I will not accept or allow myself to participate in this' aloud or in my mind if unable to do it out loud.

To be continued

Day 63: Who Decides?

Who decides what happens to me? Aside from chance or imprevisible events the one who decides what happens to me is me. What I do in every moment accumulates and then wherever I am I know one thing: I am living the result of my accumulated past. To create my future in a way that is best for me then is to make decisions and live them accordingly so that I accumulate for a better future than I am at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to wait for permission to create a life for myself that is worthwile and fulfilling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not accumulate in every moment what is best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell into self-pity and my limitations instead of expanding myself in applying myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the 'McDonalds' change where I am in a moment changed and live a fulfilling life instead of realizing that it will take time and effort and planning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in not applying myself in writing, self forgiveness and practical application = to stop the accepted self-abuse and push myself to expand/do more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not do the tasks I have to do such as judging things as difficult - not seeing, realizing or understanding that this is irrelevant and I must walk regardless of any experience, in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself every time I fail to do what I see I have to do - failing myself in doing this - instead of standing up for myself.

I commit myself to assess what it is that I have to do and apply it in the moment immediately and continue to do it throughout the day, going back to this application whenever I see I am not doing what is supportive for me to do at a given moment.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is me who placed myself in the position that I am now, and therefore it is me that will have to place myself in a better position through walking that which is best for me to do in every moment - without any excuses valid, because self-sabotage is unacceptable always.

When and as I see myself making up excuses to not do something, I stop and breathe. I realize within this that postponing will create unnecesary consequence so I do it instead.

When and as I see myself looking for some distraction, I stop and breathe. I realize that there is no way that I can avoid being with myself, so I do the work first and then utilize the free time to do something I enjoy.

Day 62: Self-Traps

First of all, apologies for having missed so many days. Today I went to the terrace of the building where I live and forgot to put the door locked in a way that it won't close once I am out, so I was locked in the terrace because I forgot to do that. In a moment, the door was shut and I was out - and had to call a neighbour to open the door to get out. This reminded me that I can become 'fucked up by my own design/creation' where I find myself in a position that I 'wasn't intending to happen' but happened - in this case by a distraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss so many days of writting and supporting myself with self forgiveness, not supporting myself in doing this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself in not supporting myself daily effectively - giving up self responsibility and creating unnecesary consequence for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself through not honouring myself in supporting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I must act in ways to support myself to take responsibility for myself becuse unless I do it noone will do it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trick and deceive myself into giving up instead of finding ways to take on the tasks to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see and know how I will be doing in the future instead of working day by day in ways that are proven to be self supportive like daily writting and self forgiveness as in the course desteni I process and journey to life blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept as 'normal' to not take responsibility for myself - instead of seeing the common sense that it is unacceptable and will only lead to undesired consequence and pain and suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider myself and all others in not supporting myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the opportunity that I have with the support available in Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 'resistance' to act in ways that are proven self supportive such as writing and self forgiveness and practical application as described by Desteni - is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that self interest is not a way but a trap in the belief that there is free choice to not act in ways that are Best for All which is taking responsibility for oneself unconditionally and expand to the world from this, to solve the current problems faced on Earth such as porverty, starvation, war and other abuse going on daily.

I commit myself to unconditionally walk the tools proven to be effective in self-change in taking responsibility for my accepted and allowed limitations such as procrastination, lazyness and the giving up of self-responsibility that goes along with living on Earth.

An invitation to support yourself from self limitation to self-discovery:

Desteni Website, join the forum at http://forum.desteni.org/
Free Online Course Desteni I Process Lite, guided by a buddy at http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 61: I Slipped - Slept

This week I have wasted on sleeping mostly which has been tormenting both for myself and my academic life - I'm back to put myself to work and to not sleep more during the day but only the necessary during the night, and to instead of putting myself to hide under a blanket, to hide in my books - lol.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply myself practically in the self forgiveness and self corrective statements of Day 60.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from and sabotage myself in sleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in wasting time not studying for my exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in not putting myself to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to insist in not facing myself, in self interest to not change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to pass my exams, and therefore not giving myself the chance to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not study for my exams so that I can claim that I am not good at it to not have to face myself in studying anymore.

I commit myself to stop giving excuses and instead put myself to work on my school effectively by placing time and work to do it.

I commit myself to put myself to work on school , regardless of what the outcome I may think it will be.

I commit myself to stopp giving excuses like I won't pass this exam in order to not study for the exam, within the common sense realization that if I don't put myself to study, obviously the chances that I fail are way greater than if I study for it.

I commit myself to whenever I want to give up and stop studying = see realize and remind myself that I have nowhere to go to hide from myself and that I better face myself there and then in the moment than having to time-loop and endure unnecessary 'pain and suffering'.

Day 60: Perception-Conception Self-Sabotage

by Mark Tyrrell

Some mornings this week I have faced moments where I was having to do school work and instead I of putting myself to work I have returned to the bed to hide in sleeping. This is unacceptable and obviously impractical because that which I am trying to hide from will compound and become more difficult to direct. Doing things in the moment is always easier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to hide from doing the tasks for school in sleeping – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I cannot avoid taking responsibility for myself – if I am to continue with my education I'll have to face the point that I am trying to run away from = but in hiding in sleeping I am wasting time and thus having to do the tasks later on with reduced time and will be even more difficult for me to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the resistance to do school work by sleeping = in self interest to not stand up for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by sleeping when I have to do school work- so that I don't change, in self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself in a situation where I have little time left to study = so that I can justify failing at school and not take responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am trying to hide from myself in sleeping to momentarily not do school work = I breathe, I remind myself that by sleeping I am doing it more difficult for myself and I direct myself to do school work effectively practically Here as breath.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am resisting doing school work, breathe and take one step at a time, but not give up walking the point.

Am I not good enough?

This is the question that arised this afternoon that I had pain in my pinky finger of the left hand - which If I remember well is about perception.

Within this I saw that maybe one of the dimensions where I fail myself in not putting myself to work on school every day consistently but tend to give up some days of the week, is that perception of myself not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good enough to make it through school - in self interest to not have to apply myself within school and instead dwell in self pity - to not have to stand up for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when faced with a task that I see will require time and effort = 'bail out' and run away utilizing the excuse that I am not capable or good enough to make the task well - using this as a justification and excuse in self interest to not walk self-change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not do the tasks at school and the studying accurately and in-depth when I am able to do it - so that I render myself defective at school = to fail and then have an excuse based on Experience that apparently I am not good enough - when it has been a self-engineered deception in self interest to create an excuse to not stand up for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself in order to not take on my education effectively and take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I will not make it and that I am not good enough with school even though I have not actually put myself to the test in doing school properly- in self interest to not have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize instant/automatic excuses such as 'I am not good enough' give up and and not put myself to work but instead = participate in Laziness and Procrastination.

I see, realize and understand that 'bailing out' in 'running away' from my education is impossible as I will have to face education in order to live in this world effectively in terms of money and global change required within an Equal Money System - thus I commit myself to whenever I see that I am about to give up with excuses such as 'I am not good enough' I stop then, breathe and remind myself that this is a Belief if I see in self honesty in the past where I utilized the same excuses to not do school work and then failed - thus = I instead stop repeating the past by working effectively step by step the tasks I have to do to be effective at school.

Day 59: Turning Off 'Dream TV'

 Today I found myself thinking of what I could do in the future within my education, and I was doing this instead of putting myself to study, to procrastinate on studying. I see I was sabotaging myself because results within studies come from accumulation of work/effort/study that produce a result that is passing and getting on with education, reaching that goal that one can think yet it's only a distraction and never the same as reality - because in reality I have to work breath by breath in detail to create results whereas in the mind it is instantaneous - thus not real (ity).


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear putting myself to work on what I see I could accomplish within my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the ridiculousness of fearing not being able to do in reality something that I can think in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to stick to a plan that I set for myself within my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can work daily and that this daily efforts will accumulate and that I don't have a direct influence on the final outcome but on it's different parts as days that I have walked that accumulate to create the end result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scaremonger myself in thinking of getting good results within my studies – without seeing, realizing and understanding the process of accumulation that it entails and that I can't have it done in one moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in thinking of getting it done in my education and then fearing to not get good results is contra-productive as I am giving up the very thing that will make the end results, which is adding up to the end result each day a bit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get through my education without having even started.

I commit myself to write a plan for myself to walk my studies effectively.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am focusing and thinking of the 'end product' or 'goal' remind myself to see and understand that I only have an effect on a given moment that I decide to work whenever I have the opportunity so that this work accumulates to the final purpose/goal.

I commit myself to motivate myself to take on my education as a challenge and not as a dull duty.

Whenever I see that I am wasting time in my mind thinking of the future within my education = I stop, breathe, and see that I am sabotaging that very future that I am trying to work out in my mind as I remind myself that good results in education come from the accumulation of work and that thus I should be studying instead of thinking in my head - thus, I move myself to study and stop thinking.