Day 108: Why Did I Not Start the Blogs on Paranoia of Failure

About a year ago, some of us started with a series about 'Paranoia' which you can read more about in the many JTL blogs/vlogs. In my case I choose to do Paranoia of Failure because of my experience with Failure.  I did not start at the same time and until now I have not adressed it. Why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure?

The first thing that comes up as a reaction is an excuse - that I was studying/doing exams -- but I have had many hours and days where I had the time to write the blogs on paranoia of failure and yet I did not. If time was not a problem, why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure? Because then I would have to change. If I expose and unravel how I participate in the point of Failure from the starting point of self-interest, then I will have to stop it, or otherwise I will be exposed as abuser - and therefore its 'easier' to simply not investigate the point.  Also, I would have to take responsibility for myself and change. I start today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, so that I don't have to change by taking responsibility for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep participating in the point of paranoia of failure so that I don't have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delve in self-complacency by continuing to not take responsibility for the point of paranoia of failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to not take responsibility for myself despite knowing what to do - thus being deliberate.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider myself or others in not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living in self-deception by not investigating the patterns of failure that I participate in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can avoid taking self-responsibility by not looking at the points that I have created to not have to take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'trap myself' by not investigating and changing and instead continuing to participate in the points of paranoia of failure - to not have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself within the point of paranoia of failure.

I commit myself to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, and take responsibility for myself within what I find.

I commit myself to correct myself practically within the points of paranoia of failure so that I stop my limitations and instead live in a way that I can develop my utmost potential.

Day 91: Delay Lame

I have seen that when I am facing a task that is done over a long period of time, like preparing for an exam, I think I have a lot of time and then I procrastinate or not work effectively -- so I am using the excuse of having a lot of time in order to allow myself to not apply myself effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in taking the best route to complete a task effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell in thoughts and imagination whenever I face an unusually big task, instead of doing what I've proven to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I have a lot of time to do a task, then I don't have to worry about getting a task done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to review my effectiveness at doing tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that 'somehow' things will 'work out' whenever I am facing a task that it is not due immediately -- instead of seeing that unless I put in the time and effort it will be unlikely that it I will do it effectively.

Whenever I see that I am going into imagination and thinking about how I will do a task and how it will work out, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I have to consider tasks practically and start doing what works, and then change as necessary for more effectiveness.

I commit myself to work on the basis of results, where I deliberately disregard what doesn't work and apply what does work, so that I can specify my application more every time.

Whenever I see that I am thinking about a task, trying to 'sort it out' or 'make a plan' in my head, I stop and I breathe. I realize that thinking a plan of action is not effective, as I might leave things out and not consider everything as it is, as it is easier to make up excuses in my mind.

I commit myself to whenever I see I have to plan and work out how I will be able to do a task, write it out so that I can see in front of myself everything and make sure that I don't deceive myself but that I take the most effective direction.

Whenever I see that I am not taking myself seriously within a task due to having seemingly 'a lot of time', I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is only a excuse to not put myself to work. The excuse of 'having a lot of time' is a trap so that I don't use my time effectively, in the belief that I have a lot of it.

I commit myself to disregard the fallacy thought of 'I have a lot of time' and instead organize myself effectively to use the time that I have.

Whenever I see that I am not effective in doing a task, I stop and I breathe. I realize that there is no point in not doing a task effectively and wasting time - so I breathe and push myself to work effectively.

Whenever I see that I am going into my mind as thoughts and imagination, trying to work out how to do a task without any specific planning method, I stop and I breathe - I realize that I am wasting my time when I could instead apply what I find that works and simply do the task.

Day 63: Who Decides?

Who decides what happens to me? Aside from chance or imprevisible events the one who decides what happens to me is me. What I do in every moment accumulates and then wherever I am I know one thing: I am living the result of my accumulated past. To create my future in a way that is best for me then is to make decisions and live them accordingly so that I accumulate for a better future than I am at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to wait for permission to create a life for myself that is worthwile and fulfilling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not accumulate in every moment what is best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell into self-pity and my limitations instead of expanding myself in applying myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the 'McDonalds' change where I am in a moment changed and live a fulfilling life instead of realizing that it will take time and effort and planning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in not applying myself in writing, self forgiveness and practical application = to stop the accepted self-abuse and push myself to expand/do more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not do the tasks I have to do such as judging things as difficult - not seeing, realizing or understanding that this is irrelevant and I must walk regardless of any experience, in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself every time I fail to do what I see I have to do - failing myself in doing this - instead of standing up for myself.

I commit myself to assess what it is that I have to do and apply it in the moment immediately and continue to do it throughout the day, going back to this application whenever I see I am not doing what is supportive for me to do at a given moment.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is me who placed myself in the position that I am now, and therefore it is me that will have to place myself in a better position through walking that which is best for me to do in every moment - without any excuses valid, because self-sabotage is unacceptable always.

When and as I see myself making up excuses to not do something, I stop and breathe. I realize within this that postponing will create unnecesary consequence so I do it instead.

When and as I see myself looking for some distraction, I stop and breathe. I realize that there is no way that I can avoid being with myself, so I do the work first and then utilize the free time to do something I enjoy.

Day 49: Self-Sabotage in Comparison, Doubt and Fear - Part 2

Continuing of the last post, see Day 48: Day 48: Self-Sabotage in Comparison, Doubt and Fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to other students failing the exam instead of being here as breath doing the exam the best I can.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to exist within me in doing the exam - in not seeing the practicality of walking practically commonsensically Here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself because others are getting low marks in the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the teacher is going against me/students in putting traps in the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the experience of fear of the teacher putting traps in the exam and react to it by changing all the apparent responses in the exam of which I was not sure.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard and override some of my previous choices in the test in fear that the teacher might have put a very difficult exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that difficult is something that some exams or subjects are and that I am Subject to experience difficulty when there is 'consensus' in a class that some subject or some test is judged as difficult.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the class for saying the exam is difficult when it was me that judged the exam as difficult when learning that most of the class failed the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reason why the other students were not passing the exam was because there were traps in the exam - without assessing if this belief is in fact true or a reaction in fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make opinions and draw conclusions from getting to know that most of the class was failing the exam without assessing those opinions and conclusions first


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept as valid the belief that the teacher had put traps in the questions when hearing that most of the class were failing the test just because it appeared in my mind - without first assessing what triggered this thought and if it is in fact real the content of it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to draw conclusions from the thought and fear that the teacher might have put traps in the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the system is against me and that I must beat the system - instead of seeing that if I follow the rules of the system of for instance school, I can work within the system and prevent being rejected by the system and in fact - accepted.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that believing that the teacher/system is against me will cloud my judgement because I will act in fear and not in self-direction; in survival instead of directive-principle of what is Best for All.


I commit myself to whenever I think the teachers/system is against me: Breathe, realize that I am the system as I am all that exist and put myself to work within the rules of the system but not being influenced by it but in directing an outcome that is Best for All.


I commit myself to whenever I see I am participating in fear of failing the test: Stop, breathe and trust myself that the questions that I have given enough attention are done and move on to the remaining questions and only check 'back' if there is more time left - not wasting time in re-rechecking but doing it to the best of my ability the first time because then I don't need to look twice/make sure twice if I don't have time left when I finish the exam.


I commit myself to trust myself to the point that when I am sure of an answer, not change it until proven otherwise with enough cross-referencing that the new point/change is valid.


I commit myself to whenever I see I am doubting myself - breathe, relax my muscles of the back, sit straight and read the question of the exam and all the possible answers as well as check within myself what it is that I know about the question and then accordingly choose the best option available.

To Continue