178: God & Me

If you cannot find something it means that you are that something and when you hear this phrase you think maybe about God, no one can find him therefore we are all God and this carries a big responsibility because we literally shape the way the Earth is and its problems

There are no problems, there are only solutions

The solution is an equal money system where everyone is supported

And on an individual level I can change my life at any given point when I am tired of the way I have been so called manifesting or creating a life that I don’t like for myself, I can change it

So 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my life has to be or go the way it has been going

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself to continue the way of life I have without questioning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have zest for life, to not be anticipating good things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and around myself do not see realize and understand that I can have, be and become whatever I want in this life 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and around myself do not see and realize and understand the gift that I have been given of money in the form of a paycheck in the form of a work so that i can develop myself in any way I want 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and around myself do not see realize and understand that I don’t have to be a wage slave all my life 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and around myself do not see realize and understand that I am not who I was - who I have always been, and I am not anyone new also - I am the one that has been here all the way along and will be after I die

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that death will easy my life instead of seeing that my life is actually very easy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that creating my life means being uncomfortable at points

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that being god means having a lot of responsibility 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of responsibility or avoid it, try to avoid it 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can lose myself in something I can do - when this is impossible 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use drugs in the past to not face myself

 I forgive myself that i have accepted on myself to be pessimistic about myself and my life 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have the marvel of marvels on Earth which is a human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my physical body, and not properly take care of it 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that change is inevitable - change is what it is what is going on - but I can direct change to be the best possible for Me and for All

Day 170: The Wall Inside

The wall inside can be many things. For me it's about limiting beliefs mostly and accepted things without investigating them. Limitations like thinking I'm not worth it 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the challenges I have are a present for me so that if I overcome them, I get that present

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have to simply work on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself down every day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need more money to be someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need more studies to be someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need to change my body type to be someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to do something special to be someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am special

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have a bigger purpose

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I do little things is how I will do bigger things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do that which I see will be giving me the most benefit to myself, not money exclusively 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I do my best I will get somewhere

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself as someone that can make it in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can make it in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not even try with all my heart to overcome my challenges

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up when I wake up from the bed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself down whenever I don't wake up and stand up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worth it of the good things in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to suffer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beat myself up for no reason

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don't have to beat myself up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have to explore about myself, keep that which is good and let go of the rest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the phrase, 'investigate everything and keep what's good'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have to invest in myself and tools that will help me overcome any addiction and any limitation

Day 147: Judge Not

 Yesterday I was approached by a friend, telling me that another friend had scared him and I, instead of reassuring that it was all fine by this friend that scared another one, I said that this friend that scared another one is 'strange' and giving some examples more-- thus judging in all its glory. Today I had to ask for forgiveness from this friend, also in presence of the first friend that came to me for help with this friend. All in all, judging is not cool because the person that is judged cannot defend themselves. Thus you are doing a trial without giving the opportunity of the judged to defend themselves. I would hate to have a friend near me that when other people ask him about my behaviour, he simply says that Ruben is strange -- not cool. It is simply to remind oneself that we should not judge at all, as life is difficult enough and however one decides to act in Life we, from the outside, cannot possibly know why of the way he acted like that. And in fact, in this example, judging someone as strange is detrimental to the relationship. From now on I will only talk well/positive of people or simply not talk unless they are present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friend as strange when approached by another one that he had scared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to judging instead of 'judge not - lest ye be judged'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions with my friend by judging him and his behaviour

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friend instead of being here as breath and examine the situation with this other friend that said that was scared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to judge not unless I be judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the dynamics of the friendship whenever I decide to judge a friend with another friend present -- which is detrimental to the relationship with the first friend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that judging persons/friends is very detrimental to any possible relationship that can form between me and them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that judgement of people is very detrimental of the relationship at all levels.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I judge someone for example as strange because of their way of living - I am separating myself from them and there is no possible friendship to be sustained between us as I separate myself from them within and as the judgement.

Day 130: Shame of the Past

Yesterday a friend wanted to watch a movie about USA's punk rockers that did a bunch of drugs, this is not exactly my past but I resonated a bit with at times wanting to get away and party too much, and I was not proud, how could I have been so foolish? Now I relish any time I have left from work to apply myself, to better myself to self-perfect -- but I realize it is a process and now I can say I can close that door for good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost say 'fuck you' to the system and do whatever I want to do in terms of partying

I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time partying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the self-sabotage in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe partying hard is cool

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to party hard

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that 'partying hard' is self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that partying hard is yet another form of distraction from self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that no matter how good the party is, there is no party until all can party

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have not to judge me for having partied, but simply to realize to not repeat the past mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that me believing I am not ready for change is simply another excuse to not have to stand up for myself and change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am ready for change, and have been for a while, but I simply didn't give myself permission to do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can stop whatever it is that is a distraction in a single moment

I commit myself to remind myself that I allow myself to change

I commit myself to remind myself that I am ready to change

I commit myself to remind myself partying hard is in fact dangerous

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to be responsible for myself and for All

I commit myself to remind myself that doing whatever it is other than all that I can to change self and the system is in fact self-sabotage.

Day 128: ConceptIOn

Initially wanted to name this blog 'Pregnant' but I do not want to be misleading. I am not in a relationship where she is pregnant, no, as I am writing this I am riding to work and I was semi asleep when a strong sense of 'I am pregnant and I am not doing anything' arose. So I asked myself, where is this coming from? And it is funny because I have put myself a timeline of 8 - 9 months to start my business. But the business is not what came up when I asked myself the question of where this came from, it was more about Me - where I am in the process of letting go of the old me to, yes, birth a new me so to speak - the business is merely a side effect of my new direction. The part 'and I am doing anything' arose because with me right now I have a laptop and about two hours, and was not doing anything useful with it. So this blog to mark the start of my newfound care for myself. 'Concept I On' - or 'I am on a concept' as this all is still bsut a blueprint that I have to live and even the blueprint is in the design stage.

Self Forgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself as my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to utilise all the available time to support myself and train.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I don't support myself effectively I will not be able to go through with my plans.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I need all the time I can to support myself - so use all available free time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that for something to move I have to push, or pull, for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can enjoy the process of creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that with enjoyment things are easier even if hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the hidden ingredient in hard as enjoyment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to express myself as myself in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread doing anything I deem as hard as I judge and believe it has to be painful, painstaking and that I won't enjoy it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can enjoy doing something that is so called hard to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can live the word focus.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can live the word direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I will not stop for anything in my process of change, so may as well enjoy what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't have to fight something that I deemed as hard, simply is something that requires focus, being direct, and discipline - it does not mean that I will suffer or that I will take pain from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to fear/resist doing stuff that I judged as hard as in my definition of hard there was pain, suffering and this is not how it is as hard merely means requiring focus, direction and discipline.

Day 126: Stability as Matter

Lately I have allowed myself to have mood swings without realising that I am Matter - and that's what matters - Stability as Matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape this reality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct my reality as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate standing up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am here no matter what goes on in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that most that happens in my mind is bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand that it is not important what goes on in the mind in terms of giving it importance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to believe that I am my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my feelings.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am more than my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to celebrate that I am here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that no matter what, I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that no matter what goes up in my head I remain here stable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand the stability in matter.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am mood swings.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that no matter what I am still here stable infinitely.

Day 112: Paranoia of Failure - Part Two

Continuing from: Day 111: Paranoia of Failure

An interesting point came up, which is the point of desires, and I see how I saw 'living in the system' and going to get a job and make money 'seriously' meaning to get a good career - I despised that in the sense of seeing it as the way of 'self-interest' but yet I desired it - in terms of what one can achieve through that, through having money. So instead of sorting myself  out and seeing for myself that yes I can support myself to have a good career and take responsibility for myself as 'who I am'/what I have become - at the same time, instead I participated in 'Paranoia of Failure' to not take responsibility for myself and so that I can ultimately 'simply work for money', 'follow my desires' and not care about taking responsibility for myself but invest my life and money in living out my desires.

In a nutshell, and this one I give to myself, I did not "have the courage" to live out my desires/self-interest and suppressed it, but continued to not take responsibility for myself just in case 'I get to live that'. So I did not immediately go and live out the desire, but wait in hope that maybe possibly at some point in the future I can live them. All this was unnecessary. It is not a problem to have a good career - it is in fact useful to do something of worth in this life. The part that is a problem is the mind and sorting out this desires/suppression. The solution is to make and live the decision to change: to stop self-interest, and to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my desires yet want to hold onto them and so participate in 'Paranoia of Failure' so that maybe in the future I 'get to live out my desires' - in self-interest to entertain myself and not take responsibility for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make and walk the decision to stop self-interest and take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can entertain myself in this life through living out desires, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I can't avoid taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value more desires than myself and what I can be and become if I take responsibility for me and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in self-interest of wanting to live out my desires, instead of evaluating them and see what is valid if any and what is not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the gift within 'Paranoia of Failure' as I have been able to see where I was deceiving myself and that I can create a life for myself walking the Principles I've committed myself to live by - instead of desires.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am not my desires.

I commit myself to plan my life, so that I am no longer controlled by desires but know in detail that I am walking within the principles I commited myself to live by.

Day 111: Paranoia of Failure

Continuing from Day 108: Why Did I Not Start the Blogs on Paranoia of Failure

One constant in the last about 7 years of my life has been relative failure in my studies – since high school. The problem is that I created this to not take responsibility for myself. Relative failure meaning that I would for example repeat a course but at the end I’d make it through so the result would be that I spend extra time on doing a course. For me it started as a way of getting attention – because as a teenager when I failed some subjects my parents were ‘all over me’ to try and figure out what had happened.
Over time it escalated because I was in a situation where I did not know what to do with my life in terms of what to study and a career, so I decided that I might as well continue living in the comfortable way of the student life for a while, but without any other goal than that, this way I would for example not put enough effort to complete my studies in the recommended time – and instead do a year or more extra. Looking in retrospective, I used failure to plain and simply not take responsibility for myself. Nowadays I do know what I want to do with my life and this pattern ‘Paranoia of Failure’ is obviously obsolete as it always was. The pattern or ‘Paranoia’ I’ve called ‘Paranoia of Failure’ does not serve me at all to live my utmost potential and thus has to go.

Another way I used ‘Paranoia of failure’ was so that I do not have to change. I did this through using the excuse that I had to study in order to not take responsibility for myself within my process, to remain the same and not have to change to ultimately not take responsibility for who I am and who I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let me participate in the point of ‘Paranoia of failure’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself by deliberately failing at my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself by failing at my studies deliberately by not putting in enough work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to complete my studies even though I might not know ‘what is next’ or ‘what I want to do next’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by not giving myself purpose within my studies and life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misuse education to not take responsibility for myself instead of using it to expand myself/support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live to my utmost potential by participating in the ‘Paranoia of Failure’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself and believe in myself that I can do and become something more for me in my life through education and a career.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the point of ‘Paranoia of Failure’ so that I don’t have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘Paranoia of failure’ so that I don’t have to face myself, who I am and who I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the point of ‘Paranoia of failure’ so that I don’t have to face myself with getting a job and support myself that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘trap myself’ through participating in Paranoia of Failure through not moving in any other direction in my life but failure – in self-interest, to not have to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my studies as an excuse to not take responsibility for myself within my process.

Whenever I see that I am using the excuse of my studies to not take responsibility for myself in my process, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to be self-honest about what I can do in my day, and not accept anything less but that. I commit myself to remind myself to be self-honest about what I have time to do and what not within my day.

Whenever I see that I am falling back into not putting enough work or ‘right down not doing’ what is necessary to do so that I am successful at my studies, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it serves no purpose that I fail at my studies and life - and that I must support myself to be successful at anything I do in order to live my utmost potential.

Whenever I see that I participate in laziness or I don’t push myself enough within my studies, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I must push myself – that there are no valid excuses to not do all I can do to be successful at my studies. Within this, I commit myself to push myself at my studies as much as I am able to - so that I may live my utmost potential.

I commit myself to remind myself of my purpose in this life, of the reasons why I study – so that I don’t ‘get lost’ in any way but instead push myself even to greater extents so that I may become more in this life.

Day 110: No One Can Stop Me But Myself

Continuing on Day109: Back to Busy-ness, I will expand doing self forgiveness on the following realization: I cannot give up on myself because I have no one else to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself by not writing the blogs whenever I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself whenever I use excuses to not direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself whenever I don’t believe in myself/trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take care of myself by not writing about whatever it is that ‘is bothering me’ at the end of my day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself through writing blogs consistently every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to write a blog every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake when writing a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when I fear to make a mistake writing a blog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust my words, written or spoken.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to motivate myself to go out of my comfort zone and do the very things that I resist doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is comfort in procrastination and inactiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that no one can prevent me from writing but myself.

Whenever I see that I am dwelling in the perceived comfort of procrastination, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the experience is not real, but an energy-stimulated experience that is irrelevant to anything real – thus I commit myself to immediately move myself to snap out of the ‘comfort zone’ and instead go into the ‘challenging zone’ where I move past my own perceived limitations.

Whenever I see that I am giving up on myself by not directing myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that every breath counts, so I must make the most of it. I commit myself to utilize my time on earth to my utmost potential within each and every breath.

Whenever I see that I put up excuses to not write a blog in a day, I stop and I breathe. I realize that using excuses reveals that I am not being self-honest. I commit myself to whenever I see I am making up excuses, evaluate in self-honesty whether I can practically in space-time write a blog or not and act accordingly.

Whenever I see that I doubt myself when writing or when I am about to write a blog, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have no other way but to trust myself that I can write an acceptable blog. I commit myself to trust myself in writing daily.

Day 109: Back to Busy-ness

by Andrew Gable Artist

I was about to post a new blog entry when I saw that the last blog post was from 6 June 2014 which is more than a month ago. It is interesting how the mind works, and how the perception of self and time is not reliable at all. Let me explain. It does not feel like that much time has passed yet it has been two months. More than two months since I last wrote a blog and posted it. I am not saying that I have been writing blog posts in private and not posting them - that is not usually the case, if I have not been posting then it means that, well, I am not writing -- and this is unacceptable. It starts with one day of not writing, that then amounts to a month, two months -- it is not the first time that this has happened and it is not cool to say the least. It is interesting how self-perception is always better than our actual behaviour is in fact, -- it is like studying, I can do little things here and there and say I am studying but then if the day of the exam I don't peform well at all what does it say about my application = that it was insufficient. So it is the same with blogging, it doesn't matter what I think about anything, it is what it is, and the way to keep myself on track is to simply make sure I do my stuff and get the things done day by day. This is the topic of the blog that I wrote for today, and this was simply an epilogue to say -- I am sorry -- but not sorry for myself but simply to say that I have squandered time by not blogging and that I commit myself to from now on make sure I wrote as frequently as I can, daily if I can so that I dont get lost in self-perception self-deception.

Here the blog entry for today:

Recently I was working a summer job and I was very effective, even getting compliments from employers and co-workers ond my performance. Once back at home, it did not translate into being more effective at my responsibilities. Recently I have seen that this is because at the job I was doing, which was phyisical, doing food with my hands, selling food -- I could not afford to be in my mind and wandering off in thoughts for example, as it would cost me -- and did in fact cost me a cut in a finger for example. When I am at home, then I have to apply the same rules so to speak, to not allow myself to go into thoughts and instead apply self -discilpline in simply getting done what is necessary to be done -- and not believe that because I am not working at a job that I can afford to be in my mind  -- because as I have seen for myself, I am not effective if I allow myself to participate in my mind, entertain myself in my mind, sit down, sleep too much = I have to make things happen, get things done, and not allow thoughts, emotions and feelings to stop me - like I did at work thus proved I can do it everywhere.

This realization came up when I was with my cat, it was on my chest quite comfortable, and I realized that, the cat does not know what goes on in my mind, he knows me by my physical, my physical body -- and that is want counts,  I can not feed him, play with him or clean his bowl with my mind, all that counts I do with my body, so I cannot afford to pay attention to my mind for most of the time in a day, it does not matter, it matters what I do physically, the same thing that counted when I was working, it counts how many vegetables I cut, or how much pizza I sell -- the same with blogs, with getting anything done, it is not done in the mind as thoughts for example, it takes physical action -- thus this is how I can be more effective, by focusing on getting stuff done, and stopping the mind works that I allow to render me ineffective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself convict to the con of consciousness as thoughts, feelings, emotions  by participating in them and not doing the stuff that is required to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up excuses not to do stuff, instead of walking self honesty by doing whatever it is I can do to the extent that I can, as then I don't need  excuses any more.

Whenever I see that I am giving excuses to not do something, I stop and I breathe. I realize that giving excuses is not valid, as I have to see for myself wether I can do something or not practically and then there is no choice but do what I can do practically.

I commit myself to remind myself that excuses are not valid, and that I can do ALL that I can do, no more and no less -- thus I commit mysel f to do ALL I can do in my Journey to Life.

I commit myself to remind myself that no matter how bad and gloomy I see some task in my mind, it is not real, and that if I in common sense see that I can walk a task for myself, then I am able to do it and should do it until proven otherwise practically.

I commit myself to remind myself that feelings/emotions and thoughts are not real, that I should not base my decisions and actions on them .

Day 108: Why Did I Not Start the Blogs on Paranoia of Failure

About a year ago, some of us started with a series about 'Paranoia' which you can read more about in the many JTL blogs/vlogs. In my case I choose to do Paranoia of Failure because of my experience with Failure.  I did not start at the same time and until now I have not adressed it. Why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure?

The first thing that comes up as a reaction is an excuse - that I was studying/doing exams -- but I have had many hours and days where I had the time to write the blogs on paranoia of failure and yet I did not. If time was not a problem, why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure? Because then I would have to change. If I expose and unravel how I participate in the point of Failure from the starting point of self-interest, then I will have to stop it, or otherwise I will be exposed as abuser - and therefore its 'easier' to simply not investigate the point.  Also, I would have to take responsibility for myself and change. I start today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, so that I don't have to change by taking responsibility for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep participating in the point of paranoia of failure so that I don't have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delve in self-complacency by continuing to not take responsibility for the point of paranoia of failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to not take responsibility for myself despite knowing what to do - thus being deliberate.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider myself or others in not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living in self-deception by not investigating the patterns of failure that I participate in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can avoid taking self-responsibility by not looking at the points that I have created to not have to take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'trap myself' by not investigating and changing and instead continuing to participate in the points of paranoia of failure - to not have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself within the point of paranoia of failure.

I commit myself to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, and take responsibility for myself within what I find.

I commit myself to correct myself practically within the points of paranoia of failure so that I stop my limitations and instead live in a way that I can develop my utmost potential.

Day 107: The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle

I hereby commit myself to live by the following principles:


1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment  and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

Day 105: Input - Output

There is a basic premise in Math that for you to get a result, there must be something that produces the result - or else you get none, zero. Today I was working on a math problem where I missed writing a number and at the end of the excercise, instead of getting the full four answers that I expected to get, I got three - because at the beggining of the problem I only introduced three numbers instead of the four that was required. This mistake I did was a begginers mistake as I was distracted and did not check properly when applying the rules of the exercise. So what you put in is what you get out of things. Like writing blogs and studying and everything in life you give and then you receive. Jesus put it best 'Give as you would like to recieve'. Writing blogs as self support and in the way maybe possibly assisting others in their processes is very significant.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to discipline myself to write every day/as much as possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I support myself in writing and in applying myself = the more I will expand in my process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I push beyond my accepted and allowed limitations = the more I will be able to do/become/achieve in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that time is a created thing - where I can make time to do many things within my day to support myself such as writing or studying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I support and assist myself with Blogs and by walking my process - the more I will expand - within the principle of giving and recieving - giving to me and recieving from me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live Self Esteem, 'Self as Team'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me the gift of self-support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the fact that I have not lived self-support and self-esteem effectively until now is a simple begginner's mistake and that I can learn from it and correct myself for a better outcome in my life/living experience.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I create my reality and experience and my world and that living self support should manifest in all areas of my participation or else I will create an imbalance by not taking care of all dimensions/areas where i participate.

I commit myself to check and correct myself in all areas of my life/participation where I see that I am not effectively living self-support and self-esteem.

I commit myself to remind myself of my responsibility 'response hability' to deal with all the problems/issues that may arise -- as I am the creator of my experience and thus my own and only saviour/assistence in every moment of breath.