Day 100: A New Day

3 months ago I was writing the post for the day 99, today I was about to write a new post and saw that I must continue with the big 3 digit number post. The post number 100 is a good opportunity to review my Journey to Life so far, but this is not how I expected day 100 to be. One does not plan to not write, or at least it was not my plan. The last 3 months I started university and used this as an excuse to not write. It is not that I did not have the time. I was hinding from myself - wich I can't really do - how could I hide from myself? lol I can't escape from me.

 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to hide from myself with the justification of having to study, even if I know I have time for both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let time go by without directing myself to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can hide from myself in not moving myself to write.

Whenever I see that I want to hide from myself by utilizing excuses to not write, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I can't run/escape from myself/self responsibility, so I take myself back Here and assist/support myself in writing when/as possible in self honesty.

Whenever I see that I am 'letting time go' without directing myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I must take decisions to move myself to support myself because no one is going to or can do it but myself, and within the realization that once time goes by I cannot take it back.

I commit myself to direct myself whenever I 'catch me' wasting time.

I commit myself to keep walking my process for me in writing whenever/as I am able to within my participation in my studies.

Day 99: Are My Wants My Needs?

Suggested to read Heaven’s Journey to Life blog 439 and blog 440 for background perspective on fear of commitment and what is it really.

In common sense I see that what is Best for All is best for me. Standing up thus within this principle of doing that which is Best for All is what is needed for me, and best for me.

I see how my ‘Wants’ are interfering with that - because I allow my wants to override my common sense - in the end I will never be satisfied with having chosen a path to fulfill my ‘wants’ because of the way the mind works, one is never satisfied following Energy/wants in any way.

I see for example I have this desire/want to have a relationship with a woman. In having this desire I am also holding on to my mind, by wanting to preserve all the personalities that would be useful for me to build an image of myself that is not real, that is an illusion, in order to attract and have a relationship with a woman.

The catch 22 here is that if I accept to participate in parts of my mind such as personalities in order to have ‘my way’ and get what I ‘want’ = then I am also accepting ALL of the mind -- which means that I won’t be able to stand up for myself as who I really am, because I am standing up for my mind and participating in my mind, which is not who I really am. I can’t say or ‘want to’ stand up for Life as who I really am while at the same time hold onto and keep participating in my mind as personalities/thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in self interest in desiring to have a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need my mind as personalities in order to have a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have Not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself when communicating with women, in the belief that I need to make me appear ‘more than me’ - stating that I am ‘not enough’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the desire to have a relationship with a woman consume me to the point where I believe that I have to manipulate my way into having one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the desire to have sex consume me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself for the desire of having a relationship with a woman in order to have sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to my mind in order to be able to ‘dress up’ and manipulate my way into having sex/having a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to have a relationship with a woman = I have to decieve/manipulate/create an illusion of who I am so that I can be liked by her, instead of knowing who I am and showing me as who I am openly unconditionally.

I'll continue more in the next post.

Bernard Poolman, an Example for All

Bernard Poolman died on the early hours of Sunday, 11th August, 2013.

I will be forever grateful for having met Bernard, first online, and last year in person, when I visited the farm for about two weeks. He was one, or the most fascinating being I have ever met. A man of principle, for as long as I knew him, he never stopped walking as an example of living the principle of doing that which is Best for All. When I visited the farm at the end of 2011, I got to see first hand that, indeed, he was a normal guy, and the place and the other people living there, it is ordinary -- yet the dedication of all the people living in the farm in walking practically what is necessary to change the world, that you don't see every day. And that I already saw from the participation online, where year after year, since I've known of Desteni in 2008/2009: The message was/is the same: That of Jesus, 'Do unto another as you would like to be done unto you', 'Give as you would like to recieve' and  'Love thy neighbour as thyself' -- what does it mean to live it practically? He lived that, along with the other beings at the Farm. He will be missed, but his message is still here, and the group will keep walking the principle.

I remember sharing something with him that was a heavy lift for me, and he said, 'Forgive Yourself'. And this is what is extraordinary of what he did, he walked his process with tools for himself - namely Self Honesty, Self Forgiveness and Practical Application - that then shared with others for all to be able to stop ones limitations and become a functional human being that can stand no matter what and effectively walk that which is Best for All, creating oneself as a trustworthy human being like he was, he would never give up, and he did not give up.

'There are no problems, only solutions' he once said. And that is what he was focused on, solutions for people to become functional and to worlds' problems.

When I went to the Farm, I was pretty much a failure walking, having failed for so many years at my education - he said to me in a chat when I again failed some months after visiting the farm, that from this I could take that it is best doing things well the first time -- indeed, I can f**k around all that I want, or go straight to the point, like he did with everything.

At the farm, I arrived there so thin, I remember I was most of the day with shakes that had minerals and vitamins, and he would say,'it's ok, eat' - lol - I had been spending so much time in the mind I had not been eating effectively. There I had a lot of fun with the dogs, many dogs living there. I was there for a short period of 12 days, I couldn't stay more due to my studies although I had been invited for about a year - but I wanted to visit anyway. It was worth it. When I was there, it exposed how I was not being effective, in the trip from the airport to the farm, one we did with Bernard, Cerise his daughter and David a visitor, he asked me what's 'backchat', and I couldn't give him a good definition. I saw I had not taken my process seriously, not investigated or applied the material effectively -- see, I realized, one can have all the support/the best support in the world, but it is up to us to take it and live it, study the material that he/Sunette/Dimensions shared and live it, because 'knowledge without application is useless' -- common sense.

So in the moments, now days after his death, I see I would have liked to, during the time that I have been participating in Desteni, apply myself more effectively, but again, he would have said, no matter how difficult or big of a problem I thought I have: 'Forgive yourself' -- and move on, correct myself, and stand up again if I fall, until it is done, until I have it made.

From having met him I've seen how it is me that willed my failed results in the past within my education, that I can will it otherwise. Thanks to the support of Sunette, Bernard and others at the Desteni farm, I've been able to realign points in my life and next year I will be starting studying at university, something I said I would never do at one point.

Day 98: Humble or Tumble

These past three days or so, I've had this sense of self of 'being good' or the best lol. Yesterday I had a check back to reality when I realised I made a very basic mistake - two mistakes, and it is because I did not check thoroughly . For example, checking how to read a new type of tool, I didn't look properly and noted a number that was lower than the real reading, or forgetting stuff outside of the fridge due to not effectively checking all the stuff I had to do - and even though I always check that the material is where it should be at the end of the work - I did not see it this time.

I heard this interview where it's said to check reality when we have believes about ourselves being magnificent - because even though we can tell to ourselves that we are good/magnificent - the physical will tell us the real story if we are self honest and look at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'talk myself' into believing I am good/the best.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not check my belief about myself of being good/the best with the feedback I get in physical reality - and seeing within myself in self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not check what I do so that I make sure that I am making things right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking questions for simple stuff.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be humble enough to check the basics of the tools I work with even though I may know how they work - to make sure I do it well.

Whenever I see that I consider myself as good/magnificent/special, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to become self-honest and see what is my physical reality showing me, and walk in common sense.

I commit myself to apply myself within humbleness in not taking for granted what I do based on the idea that I know stuff.

Whenever I see that I have inner backchat of being good/the best, I stop and I breathe. I realize it is merely a belief illusion and not real, therefore I stick to breath and being in my physical body, disregarding the talk - and write it down and forgive myself when/as I can.

I commit myself to not listen to the backchat I have with me but stop it and investigate/forgive it so that I don't delude myself into something that I am not as ego trip/possession.

Whenever I see that I fear asking basic questions, I stop and I breathe. I realize that a question is nothing personal, that I have to be able to ask any question - and I realize that if asking a question is a problem, then I have a problem that I must investigate and stop of ego. Also I should ask away, as I can widen my understanding through what others share.

I commit myself to apply myself within humbleness and ask whenever I see that I have a doubt about stuff that I should already know/basic stuff .

Day 97: Earth and Humans In Trouble

When I joined Desteni, some years ago about 2008, I came to know how it had been said and were saying in interviews, videos and material that the world would 'go mad' in the years to come, and as time progressed it has been exactly what has happened. There is more financial stress on families, more poverty, more social unrest.

It was said also that nature would go more and more crazy, in the sense that: There would be more natural disasters and, for instance, there would be more bugs becoming resistant to vaccines/treatment. 

This all has happened - more hurricanes, floods - new strains of bacteria that are virtually untreatable/super bugs have emerged.

Another example of the predictions that Desteni has made that have come true, is that nothing would happen in 2012. Yes - it should have been common sense that nothing would happen - yet virtually all the spiritual community was mongering the idea, with exact date and time - that something magical would happen. This only proved to be a publicity stunt where, undoubtedly, many cashed on - so we can say that some bank account's balances did ascend, after all. This would be the accounts of the gurus, masters and all that group that through seminars, books and more marketing stuff lined their pockets through mongering those ideas - along with survival fanatics' businesses that cashed in on the fears of 'preppers' - those that went from buying a survival kit to some having a nuclear refuge built in their back garden, with all the bells and whistles of luxury.

Through all of this what remains is individuals that are every day in a more compromised situation, families that can't feed their children properly or give them an education, animals continuing to lose their habitat - and life - to ruthless multinationals that make millions destroying their habitat. 

We are in for an even more accentuated disaster if we don't act fast, and act now - because time will only make it worse. Watch the news and you'll see for yourself. And we are doing this to ourselves - until we stop.

Day 96: Studying Transformed - Part Two

by Andrew Gable

This is a continuation of Day 95: Studying Transformed - suggested to read that one first.

Also I see that I have linked 'studying' with 'not fun' when I have not really delved into studying to see if I really enjoy it or not. 

Whenever I see that I judge math, chemistry or other subjects as 'not fun', I stop and I breathe. I realize that I won't have all the answers solved in those subjects - because then 'where is the fun?' I have simply to prepare myself so that I am able to take on the challenges presented by those subjects, because if I am not prepared, then I first have to go back and prepare myself.

I commit myself to prepare myself to the extent that I can face the challenges that the subjects can pose, in the realization that unless I am prepared, it can't be fun as it can't virtually be done.

Whenever I see that I judge 'advanced math/chemistry' as 'not fun', I stop and I breathe. I realize that there is a valid point that: Unless I master the basics, I can't go into advanced. Within this, I commit myself to prepare myself by going back wherever necessary within the subjects to learn the foundations effectively to build upon it.

Whenever I see that I want studying to be easy, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I will have to endure moments wherein I'd rather give up, or where I will be 'uncomfortable' but within this I have breath to assist me in continue walking regardless.

I commit myself to breathe and push myself to master the basics of the subjects that I require to go to university, so that I can enjoy expanding them.

Whenever I see that I am judging me in relation of not knowing the subjects, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it doesn't matter that I STILL don't know the basics/master the basics -- that it is something I simply have to do - so I put myself to do it as it is the only way to effectiveness.

I commit myself to walk the basics of subjects no matter how early in my life I was supposed to have known them.

Whenever I see that I go into anxiety with regards of going to university, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have the tools to test whether I am effective at the subjects or not, and accordingly remediate it - so that I am certain that I will have a full opportunity of walking through university effectively.

I commit myself to work on the subjects that I need to master to the extent that I am certain that I can take on the subjects at university.

Whenever I see that I judge studying as a chore, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is my responsibility to study, but this does not mean that I cannot enjoy myself within it.

I commit myself to investigate all the instances where I am reactive towards my situation with studying, so that I can see what it is that I have to change to act in preventing consequences that are not necessary.

Day 95: Studying Transformed

Today I have been a bit anxious because I have realized that I have to step up my level of math and other subjects of university, and that unless I really go for it I simply won't be able to pass at the rate of one course per year.  Looking at the past, I have always at about this time of the summer planned of preparing myself for next year, but I never ended doing it, I always distracted myself throughout summer. At the same time, in the past I used to isolate myself and avoid doing much with the excuse of having to study. All this has not worked, so I have to find a way of being able to dedicate myself daily to study and also do other stuff. Also I see that I have linked 'studying' with 'not fun' when I have not really delved into studying to see if I really enjoy it or not. Certainly I have enjoyed some parts of chemistry this last course, but I have not yet gone into math aside from starting the basics at Khan Academy, to build from the base up - and certainly too I have enjoyed it -- so nothing to fear!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge math and chemistry as 'not fun' when I have the proof where I can see instances where I did enjoy studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe advanced math and chemistry will not be as fun as basic ones.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to guide myself through the material that I have to study in order to become effective at the subjects required.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can give to myself the gift of a solid base in the subjects that I will study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to want to hold onto the prejudices/judgements I have about me and the subjects I have to study in order to avoid doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the beliefs that I have about me and my capabilities at the subjects are real.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I put myself to study effectively I will not know what I can do or how it will be.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be curious about exploring the subjects of math, chemistry and others - in depth - so that I can see for myself how cool it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepadventure/self discovery.

ted and allowed myself to see studying as a chore instead of

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that studying has to be easy or otherwise I can give up and judge it as difficult - without seeing that I can expand my capabilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge studying as dull.

To be continued in the next Blog.