Day 95: Studying Transformed

Today I have been a bit anxious because I have realized that I have to step up my level of math and other subjects of university, and that unless I really go for it I simply won't be able to pass at the rate of one course per year.  Looking at the past, I have always at about this time of the summer planned of preparing myself for next year, but I never ended doing it, I always distracted myself throughout summer. At the same time, in the past I used to isolate myself and avoid doing much with the excuse of having to study. All this has not worked, so I have to find a way of being able to dedicate myself daily to study and also do other stuff. Also I see that I have linked 'studying' with 'not fun' when I have not really delved into studying to see if I really enjoy it or not. Certainly I have enjoyed some parts of chemistry this last course, but I have not yet gone into math aside from starting the basics at Khan Academy, to build from the base up - and certainly too I have enjoyed it -- so nothing to fear!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge math and chemistry as 'not fun' when I have the proof where I can see instances where I did enjoy studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe advanced math and chemistry will not be as fun as basic ones.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to guide myself through the material that I have to study in order to become effective at the subjects required.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can give to myself the gift of a solid base in the subjects that I will study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to want to hold onto the prejudices/judgements I have about me and the subjects I have to study in order to avoid doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the beliefs that I have about me and my capabilities at the subjects are real.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I put myself to study effectively I will not know what I can do or how it will be.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be curious about exploring the subjects of math, chemistry and others - in depth - so that I can see for myself how cool it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepadventure/self discovery.

ted and allowed myself to see studying as a chore instead of

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that studying has to be easy or otherwise I can give up and judge it as difficult - without seeing that I can expand my capabilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge studying as dull.

To be continued in the next Blog.