Day 67: The Power of Persistence

I missed one day of writing and was experiencing this apathy towards supporting myself again and then the decision of not giving up and 'going back at it' emerges - and it is the solution, to keep walking regardless of the experience - giving up is the sure way to get nowhere.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to give up when experiencing apathy towards writing/ supporting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider giving up as an option - instead of seeing that I will inevitably have to 'get back at it' in supporting myself - or face the consequences in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to procrastinate on supporting myself - instead of seeing that self-sabotage and self compromise is non-negotiable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the experience of apathy towards supporting myself as real - without seeing the common sense implications of following apahty and giving up that are self compromise - and thus unacceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the experience of apathy to not have to face myself in the moment - instead of seeing the foolishnes of going against myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if apathy can come up and then go away it means it is not real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that that which I am can never go away - and that choosing to live a miserable life is a disgrace and not wanting to honour myself or others as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I have become as what I do and how I experience myself at the moment = is who I am -- without investigating and doing all I can to make myself functional to support myself and all other Life forms on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself every time I give up - instead of giving myself the opportunity to change through supporting myself unconditionally.

Whenever I see that I am participating in the experience of apathy/wanting to give up, I stop and breathe. I remind myself that I must support myself practically and for this I can make a list/see what it is that I have to do and do it, step by step.

Whenever I see I want to give up, I stop and breathe. I realize that every moment of breath is an opportunity to support myself and that I have nothing more and nothing less than that - so I move myself to invest my breaths in doing activities that support myself and not the other way around.

Day 66: Playing with a dog

The other day I was walking home when I saw at the park neaby many dogs with their owners - and decided to approach them to see if a dog wanted to play. I had a cool time playing with one little dog that approached me with a ball.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to enjoy myself in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge certain activities as enjoyable and others as boring - in separation from the activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate that a task will be boring - creating it this way unnecesarily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself taking tasks that I don't 'like' as a punishment - instead of investigating if the dislike is in fact real - or a self-delusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the 'resistance' to walk a task is real - without question or challenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'hide' from myself within doing tasks 'overdoing' them without directing myself practically in common sense to do fit within my day all the activities that are important/relevant - not just overdo one task to avoid the rest.

Whenever I see I am judging a task I stop and breathe. I realize that my judgement is an excuse to no investigate the task and myself within the task - that may lead to challenge my self-definition -- so I breathe and walk through the task and investigate the trigger of the reaction to the task.

Whenever I see I am being hard on myself within a task, I stop and breathe. I realize that there is no need to 'possess myself' with a task to the extent where I abuse my body and go into the mind - as it is not needed to do the task effectively -- so I go back to breath and direct myself practically.

Whenever I see that I am procrastinating on one task by overdoing another task I stop and breathe. I realize that applying self-honesty is required - so whenever I notice that I am hiding within a task I re-align myself to walk commonsensically what is best that I do in a given moment.

Whenever I am experiencing myself as 'heavy' or 'bored' while doing a task I stop and breathe - I realize and understand that in that moment I went into my mind and missed to be here as breath so I instead focus on the physical herenesss while walking the task.

I see/realize/understand that the desire to 'instant happiness' in doing a task is not real - but that I can apply myself to not participate in the mind while doing tasks so that I may start to enjoy what I do instead of going into the mind that generates thoughts/feelings and emotions that veil what is really going on in the physical -- energy being de delusion and physicality what is real.

Day 65: Too Fast Will Blow

Stopping the 'wanting to go fast' impatient character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to accomplish tasks fast.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start to do a task with the assumption that it won't take long - instead of unconditionally doing the task with walking all the steps necessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush within doing tasks - and create innecesary consequence by making mistakes, effectively slowing me down.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply myself as the word 'patience' within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take risks and shortcuts when doing tasks within the desire to finish fast.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience and 'wait for myself' when doing tasks - completing tasks without rushing or going into my mind as thoughts and/or inner-chatter.

Whenever I see that I am 'rushing' in doing a task, I stop and breathe. I realize and remind myself that rushing can have serious consequences and that if I am to complete a task I have to walk all of it - so
I breathe and do the task focusing on what I am doing in the physical.

I see, realize and understand that any process / endeavour that is worthwile will take time to build and that some tasks one cannot make it go faster in a given moment but maybe only over time - so I walk with myself through tasks reminding myself that if I miss being 'here' doing the task in the physical and instead 'jump' to the mind as thoughts and reactions to the task = I will be missing it and compromising myself - specially so when working with potentialy dangerous instruments or products at work or at school - that can create irreversible consequence and harm to myself and/or others.

Day 64: Commitment to Self

Commiting myself to do something that I am able to do I have done many times - for example assisting classes at school, paying for something in fractions, etc. Yet when it comes to self-assistance, self-help there is where I fail - and it is simple steps like writing a blog daily or studying for DIP or studying for school consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply myself in consistency and commitement whenever I have to do something for others - but not do it to assist myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up excuses to not apply miself consistently daily in what I see I can do to help myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in not doing the tasks I know I have to do to better myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to commit myself to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and distract myself from supporting myself with entertainment - not giving myself the opportunity to self-discovery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide and run away from facing myself in entertainments instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the inevitability that I face myself along with the consequences manifested for myself by myself - that grow bigger with not facing myself.

Whenever I see that I am 'drifting off' and not facing myself within my day, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have the opportunity to support myself and 'add one' for myself in directing myself to do the next point to support myself - so I do so.

Whenever I see that I experience apathy and/or resistance towards walking a task, I stop and breathe. I realize and that the task is not the problem, so I see within myself where does the apathy/resistance come from and direct myself to do the task.

Whenever I see that there is backchat/internal chatter coming up in my mind during my day, I stop and breathe. I say 'stop, I will not accept or allow myself to participate in this' aloud or in my mind if unable to do it out loud.

To be continued

Day 63: Who Decides?

Who decides what happens to me? Aside from chance or imprevisible events the one who decides what happens to me is me. What I do in every moment accumulates and then wherever I am I know one thing: I am living the result of my accumulated past. To create my future in a way that is best for me then is to make decisions and live them accordingly so that I accumulate for a better future than I am at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to wait for permission to create a life for myself that is worthwile and fulfilling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not accumulate in every moment what is best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell into self-pity and my limitations instead of expanding myself in applying myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the 'McDonalds' change where I am in a moment changed and live a fulfilling life instead of realizing that it will take time and effort and planning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in not applying myself in writing, self forgiveness and practical application = to stop the accepted self-abuse and push myself to expand/do more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not do the tasks I have to do such as judging things as difficult - not seeing, realizing or understanding that this is irrelevant and I must walk regardless of any experience, in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself every time I fail to do what I see I have to do - failing myself in doing this - instead of standing up for myself.

I commit myself to assess what it is that I have to do and apply it in the moment immediately and continue to do it throughout the day, going back to this application whenever I see I am not doing what is supportive for me to do at a given moment.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is me who placed myself in the position that I am now, and therefore it is me that will have to place myself in a better position through walking that which is best for me to do in every moment - without any excuses valid, because self-sabotage is unacceptable always.

When and as I see myself making up excuses to not do something, I stop and breathe. I realize within this that postponing will create unnecesary consequence so I do it instead.

When and as I see myself looking for some distraction, I stop and breathe. I realize that there is no way that I can avoid being with myself, so I do the work first and then utilize the free time to do something I enjoy.

Day 62: Self-Traps

First of all, apologies for having missed so many days. Today I went to the terrace of the building where I live and forgot to put the door locked in a way that it won't close once I am out, so I was locked in the terrace because I forgot to do that. In a moment, the door was shut and I was out - and had to call a neighbour to open the door to get out. This reminded me that I can become 'fucked up by my own design/creation' where I find myself in a position that I 'wasn't intending to happen' but happened - in this case by a distraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss so many days of writting and supporting myself with self forgiveness, not supporting myself in doing this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself in not supporting myself daily effectively - giving up self responsibility and creating unnecesary consequence for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself through not honouring myself in supporting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I must act in ways to support myself to take responsibility for myself becuse unless I do it noone will do it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trick and deceive myself into giving up instead of finding ways to take on the tasks to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see and know how I will be doing in the future instead of working day by day in ways that are proven to be self supportive like daily writting and self forgiveness as in the course desteni I process and journey to life blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept as 'normal' to not take responsibility for myself - instead of seeing the common sense that it is unacceptable and will only lead to undesired consequence and pain and suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider myself and all others in not supporting myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the opportunity that I have with the support available in Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 'resistance' to act in ways that are proven self supportive such as writing and self forgiveness and practical application as described by Desteni - is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that self interest is not a way but a trap in the belief that there is free choice to not act in ways that are Best for All which is taking responsibility for oneself unconditionally and expand to the world from this, to solve the current problems faced on Earth such as porverty, starvation, war and other abuse going on daily.

I commit myself to unconditionally walk the tools proven to be effective in self-change in taking responsibility for my accepted and allowed limitations such as procrastination, lazyness and the giving up of self-responsibility that goes along with living on Earth.

An invitation to support yourself from self limitation to self-discovery:

Desteni Website, join the forum at http://forum.desteni.org/
Free Online Course Desteni I Process Lite, guided by a buddy at http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 61: I Slipped - Slept

This week I have wasted on sleeping mostly which has been tormenting both for myself and my academic life - I'm back to put myself to work and to not sleep more during the day but only the necessary during the night, and to instead of putting myself to hide under a blanket, to hide in my books - lol.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply myself practically in the self forgiveness and self corrective statements of Day 60.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from and sabotage myself in sleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in wasting time not studying for my exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in not putting myself to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to insist in not facing myself, in self interest to not change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to pass my exams, and therefore not giving myself the chance to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not study for my exams so that I can claim that I am not good at it to not have to face myself in studying anymore.

I commit myself to stop giving excuses and instead put myself to work on my school effectively by placing time and work to do it.

I commit myself to put myself to work on school , regardless of what the outcome I may think it will be.

I commit myself to stopp giving excuses like I won't pass this exam in order to not study for the exam, within the common sense realization that if I don't put myself to study, obviously the chances that I fail are way greater than if I study for it.

I commit myself to whenever I want to give up and stop studying = see realize and remind myself that I have nowhere to go to hide from myself and that I better face myself there and then in the moment than having to time-loop and endure unnecessary 'pain and suffering'.