Day 14: Stopping the Sabotage

by Mark Tyrrell

So this past few weeks I've been utilizing excuses and plain laziness to not write here  - but as always illusions must stop. So what's going on?

I've approached the end of this course I am doing now and I've been utilizing excuses of having to do other things to not do writings and then end up not doing writing or studying, for example. This is so nonesense that can only be described as self-sabotage.

There's plenity of time in a day to do many things. So obviously there are no excuses to not take an hour off to write or study or whatever it is I have to do. It's clear that I have to fill the time in my day with anything as 'doing nothing' is not possible. So I' ve been much in my mind and oversleeping lately. Not cool. This is also self sabotage, participating in the mind. So it's all about whether I support myself or not and if not I am sabotaging myself.

To clear stuff up a little, I'll do some self forgiveness here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by not directing myself to direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately choose not to support myself by not directing myself in doing what I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself and everything else in not supporting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself as self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can 'give up' on myself instead of realizing that its only possible for me to act out laziness because I've got my ass covered by money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize my position of having money to self-sabotage myself into laziness instead of standing up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the victim role instead of realizing that I am not a victim at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the position I find myself in instead of realizing that I put myself here and that I have to move myself from here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that somehow I can bypass taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be in a position where I no longer have to take responsibility for myself instead of realizing that this is impossible and within that realization walk my path of taking self responsibility.

I commit myself to stop self-sabotage by taking action in every moment I have the opportunity to direct myself.

I commit myself to stop myself whenever I see I am self-sabotaging myself.

I commit myself to study where I am sabotaging myself to stop it and instead support myself.

I commit myself to remind myself that there is no such place where I don't have to take responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to stop apathy and laziness in seeing that it is self-sabotage and as such it is unacceptable.