Day 15: Re-take after the Mis-take

 

I have not documented my days, this was a mis take, not posting here for several weeks. So here I am to take another take, just like in a film. In this film I am the director so it's all cool that I can take another take. New episodes as blogs will be posted daily so it will not take me forever to walk the days that add up to 7 years, or more of this Journey to nothingness.

Clearly at the moment I am faced with the postponement character, where I refuse or give up to take on the tasks that I see I have to do. This is a good time to clear up this point. Today I experienced myself both angry and unmotivated. This anger must come from seeing how I put myself down in participating in the postponement character and the unmotivation is also a self-manipulation, where I utilize that experience with the character of postponement to justify why I don't put myself to work on, for example, writing this blogs.



Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize the experience of 'unmotivation' as an excuse to not do what I have to do as tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need something special to start doing the tasks I have to do instead of realizing that I won't necessarily get a 'good feelng' out of doing what I have to do but that must do it as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the character of postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up taking on the tasks I have to do in the face of apathy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make doing the tasks I have to do something special that requires special circumstances and a certain feeling that I have to experience in order for me to get to do it instead of realizing that to do something I only need to actually do it myself, with no other conditions that the physical requirements to do it such as laptop and being fed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotion of anger instead of identifying where does it come from and take action to deal with what it is indicating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that immediate action is a good way to take on the tasks I have to do and that any other way is also postponement - as somehow I can do it but delay the start of it, thus there is something preventing me from starting thus:

I commit myself to stop and investigate the moment I see that I could be doing a task that I have to do but I am not doing it despite that moment being one moment in where/when I am able to do it.



I commit myself to stop the character of postponement by deliberately stopping myself when I see I am going into it.

I commit myself to put into practical application what I see I have to do.


I commit myself to stop waiting for a special moment to start doing the tasks I have to do and instead realize that each moment is the same when I am breathing and thus every breath is a moment to start and do any task that I require to do.



I commit myself to not take from granted my experience but investigate everything that goes on with myself.