Day 151: One Year

 

Acceptance, of everything in my life, of everything that is here, without exception. One year has passed since I last wrote in this blog, and I can see a bit of change, then I have to continue with more blogs. I have written in other blogs in the meantime like this one. 

I have been listening to Osho talks, specifically the audiobook called 'The Buddha Said' which coincidentially is the title of last blog entry I wrote here one year ago. Finally I have reached what the Buddha said lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that once one reach the point of nothingness - one has to build oneself as that wich is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate 'nothingness' with 'idleness' when that is not it in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even if I have reached anything at all, I should keep writing blogs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that no one 'makes it' in this life until All 'make it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that what matters is this physical 'matter'/world and not any special feeling of grandiosity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stop when I reach the point of nothingness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I don't program myself to do what is Best for All at all times - then there is no use but abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is a point where I can 'sit back and relax' about the things such as blogging and vlogging which are supporting many and should not be stopped

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am capable of daily writing no matter how I feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am already programmed to write every day as the habit I have created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that anythings that fucks with my blogging or vlogging should be destroyed/vanished

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have reached nothingness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I had reached nothingness I would immediately stand for what is Best for All - all other behaviors are of Ego and not the point of nothingness in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I ever reach the point of nothingness I will be blogging and vlogging more and not less

I commit myself to continue vlogging and blogging as much as I can

I commit myself to remind myself that something is off if I am not vlogging and blogging as much as I can

Day 150: The Buddha Said

The title is from a book by Osho. He never wrote a book, he simply talked and recorded that into audios.

I was listening to a song, the lyrics said 'tell me what to do' and it remided me of myself, when I thought that some other person might know better tham me, for example a brother slightly oder, like if that difference made a - well - difference

I don't know if this will reach many, but it is not important

Today I want to do some random self-forgiveness, or maybe on the uncertainty of 'making it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make it in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to gain recognition while I am alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feed my ego by having recognition.

I forgive myself that IH ave not accepted and allowed myself that it might not be my peers that get the message, but the future generations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe instant gratification means anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not good enough if I don't get feedback on my writings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I might not get any form of recognition in this life, but still this doesn't mean that I can leave an important message for the beings to come

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that recognition i useless

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that changing the world doesn't endow one with any recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work towards a world that is Best for All unless I get recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that wanting recognition is Ego

Day 149: Normal, Good Life

I know who I am, I stand up for the abused whenever I have found myself in a situation where there was someone being abused, it is normal to me.

I know that I stand up for the abused because I have seen this in real time of myself. It is normal to me.

I deserve to do all that I want in my life because I know whenever there is abuse I stand up for it/the abused.

Life has to be easy for me and everyone else, natural like breathing.

We all have to thrive and it has to come natural to us, like breathing.

We all have to find that which we enjoy and do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am a cool guy because I stand up for the abused.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see my value that I stand up for the abused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I deserve to live a good life because I care.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I should live a good life because I care for people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself instead of considering myself as worthy of a worthy Life.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am worthy of a worthy life.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to live a worthy life because I care.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am intolerant to abuse whenever I come face to face with it.

Day 148: Who am I

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to live the word perfection instead of doing my best in every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be perfect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that perfection does not exist as it is dependant on every individual perspective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be able to do everything perfectly instead of doing my best in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to attract attention of others by doing something unusual/bold

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't need to do anything outrageous in order to have attention from others, they can simply hear me for who I am 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to do something outrageous or dangerous to get attention from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to not see that I am important with or without attention form others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to want attention from others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed mysel to see that I can get attention for who I am not for what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that who I am is more important than what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not enough and therefore want to get attention for what I do/have instead of for who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at who I am, instead looking at what I do or  have

Day 147: Judge Not

 Yesterday I was approached by a friend, telling me that another friend had scared him and I, instead of reassuring that it was all fine by this friend that scared another one, I said that this friend that scared another one is 'strange' and giving some examples more-- thus judging in all its glory. Today I had to ask for forgiveness from this friend, also in presence of the first friend that came to me for help with this friend. All in all, judging is not cool because the person that is judged cannot defend themselves. Thus you are doing a trial without giving the opportunity of the judged to defend themselves. I would hate to have a friend near me that when other people ask him about my behaviour, he simply says that Ruben is strange -- not cool. It is simply to remind oneself that we should not judge at all, as life is difficult enough and however one decides to act in Life we, from the outside, cannot possibly know why of the way he acted like that. And in fact, in this example, judging someone as strange is detrimental to the relationship. From now on I will only talk well/positive of people or simply not talk unless they are present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friend as strange when approached by another one that he had scared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to judging instead of 'judge not - lest ye be judged'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions with my friend by judging him and his behaviour

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friend instead of being here as breath and examine the situation with this other friend that said that was scared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to judge not unless I be judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the dynamics of the friendship whenever I decide to judge a friend with another friend present -- which is detrimental to the relationship with the first friend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that judging persons/friends is very detrimental to any possible relationship that can form between me and them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that judgement of people is very detrimental of the relationship at all levels.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I judge someone for example as strange because of their way of living - I am separating myself from them and there is no possible friendship to be sustained between us as I separate myself from them within and as the judgement.

Day 146: Success

 I am the most relevant person to myself, and now is the time that matters the most to myself, now that I am alive and living: What do I give more importance to, money? or Life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more importance to money other than Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe if I don't have money I will cease to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a job and thus not have money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being homeless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a job.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is of no use to fear not having a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more importance to money over Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that me being broke is irrelevant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have to see a bigger picture than me being broke or otherwise it is all I will ever be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe broke is all I can ever be.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see further than my monetary value

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that my income is not a representation of myself.

Day 145: It Matters

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be left out without a job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to provide for myself

I forgive myself that I have acccepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that death is inevitable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear rule my actions and decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough money to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get money for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being left out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being fired from my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that life is at the other side of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kill myself with fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being self honest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being trusted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust others because I don't trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being irrelevant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to fear being relevant