Day 89: The Failer

In the past I have always reacted to my own failures, where I would become angry and frustrated whenever I failed at something such as an exam, instead of seeing that I created the situation myself. Seeing that I created the situation is one step to then sort it out, because if I merely react and blame anything outside of myself, I give my power away to that which I blame. Most of the times that I failed despite having the time and resources to not fail are an indicator that I chose to fail and thus it must be investigated, this weird self-sabotage system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend that I did not create failure = to not have to take responsibility for myself within that in which I apparently failed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to manipulate my environment by 'selectively failing' so that I can get what I think I can't get in any other way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inadequate whenever I fail, instead of seeing the situation for what it is, investigating it and defusing it with the tools available - so that I don't waste my time/life on failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the situations where I failed, without realizing that it was me who designed the situation in the past -- as I design my experience of me in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate, correct and let go of the design of failure in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with failure, instead of assisting and supporting myself to expand myself to see what is possible to do/live in this world within the principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to cycles of failure, having to do things many times unnecesarily - and at the same time enslaving all others by not using my time effectively to find solutions to the atrocities happening in the world on a daily basis.

Whenever I see that I am designing a situation where I fail, I stop and I breathe, I realize the absurdity/unnecessarity of the situation, and the abuse that it cause to me and others as me, so I stop and instead walk in common sense.
I commit myself to walk my day commonsensically, making sure that what I do produces an outcome that is that is supportive.

Whenever I see that I am judging myself based on the past situations where I failed, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the past is gone, that I created those situations where I failed, and that I have to take responsibility and investigate applying the tools of writing, self forgiveness and practical application to the point where it does not affect me anymore. I commit myself to investigate the failures in my past so that I can stop it from conditioning my future.

To be continued in the next blog.