Day 62: Self-Traps

First of all, apologies for having missed so many days. Today I went to the terrace of the building where I live and forgot to put the door locked in a way that it won't close once I am out, so I was locked in the terrace because I forgot to do that. In a moment, the door was shut and I was out - and had to call a neighbour to open the door to get out. This reminded me that I can become 'fucked up by my own design/creation' where I find myself in a position that I 'wasn't intending to happen' but happened - in this case by a distraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss so many days of writting and supporting myself with self forgiveness, not supporting myself in doing this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself in not supporting myself daily effectively - giving up self responsibility and creating unnecesary consequence for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself through not honouring myself in supporting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I must act in ways to support myself to take responsibility for myself becuse unless I do it noone will do it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trick and deceive myself into giving up instead of finding ways to take on the tasks to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see and know how I will be doing in the future instead of working day by day in ways that are proven to be self supportive like daily writting and self forgiveness as in the course desteni I process and journey to life blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept as 'normal' to not take responsibility for myself - instead of seeing the common sense that it is unacceptable and will only lead to undesired consequence and pain and suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider myself and all others in not supporting myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the opportunity that I have with the support available in Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 'resistance' to act in ways that are proven self supportive such as writing and self forgiveness and practical application as described by Desteni - is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that self interest is not a way but a trap in the belief that there is free choice to not act in ways that are Best for All which is taking responsibility for oneself unconditionally and expand to the world from this, to solve the current problems faced on Earth such as porverty, starvation, war and other abuse going on daily.

I commit myself to unconditionally walk the tools proven to be effective in self-change in taking responsibility for my accepted and allowed limitations such as procrastination, lazyness and the giving up of self-responsibility that goes along with living on Earth.

An invitation to support yourself from self limitation to self-discovery:

Desteni Website, join the forum at http://forum.desteni.org/
Free Online Course Desteni I Process Lite, guided by a buddy at http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Day 61: I Slipped - Slept

This week I have wasted on sleeping mostly which has been tormenting both for myself and my academic life - I'm back to put myself to work and to not sleep more during the day but only the necessary during the night, and to instead of putting myself to hide under a blanket, to hide in my books - lol.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply myself practically in the self forgiveness and self corrective statements of Day 60.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from and sabotage myself in sleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in wasting time not studying for my exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in not putting myself to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to insist in not facing myself, in self interest to not change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to pass my exams, and therefore not giving myself the chance to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not study for my exams so that I can claim that I am not good at it to not have to face myself in studying anymore.

I commit myself to stop giving excuses and instead put myself to work on my school effectively by placing time and work to do it.

I commit myself to put myself to work on school , regardless of what the outcome I may think it will be.

I commit myself to stopp giving excuses like I won't pass this exam in order to not study for the exam, within the common sense realization that if I don't put myself to study, obviously the chances that I fail are way greater than if I study for it.

I commit myself to whenever I want to give up and stop studying = see realize and remind myself that I have nowhere to go to hide from myself and that I better face myself there and then in the moment than having to time-loop and endure unnecessary 'pain and suffering'.

Day 60: Perception-Conception Self-Sabotage

by Mark Tyrrell

Some mornings this week I have faced moments where I was having to do school work and instead I of putting myself to work I have returned to the bed to hide in sleeping. This is unacceptable and obviously impractical because that which I am trying to hide from will compound and become more difficult to direct. Doing things in the moment is always easier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to hide from doing the tasks for school in sleeping – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I cannot avoid taking responsibility for myself – if I am to continue with my education I'll have to face the point that I am trying to run away from = but in hiding in sleeping I am wasting time and thus having to do the tasks later on with reduced time and will be even more difficult for me to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the resistance to do school work by sleeping = in self interest to not stand up for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by sleeping when I have to do school work- so that I don't change, in self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself in a situation where I have little time left to study = so that I can justify failing at school and not take responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am trying to hide from myself in sleeping to momentarily not do school work = I breathe, I remind myself that by sleeping I am doing it more difficult for myself and I direct myself to do school work effectively practically Here as breath.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am resisting doing school work, breathe and take one step at a time, but not give up walking the point.

Am I not good enough?

This is the question that arised this afternoon that I had pain in my pinky finger of the left hand - which If I remember well is about perception.

Within this I saw that maybe one of the dimensions where I fail myself in not putting myself to work on school every day consistently but tend to give up some days of the week, is that perception of myself not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good enough to make it through school - in self interest to not have to apply myself within school and instead dwell in self pity - to not have to stand up for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when faced with a task that I see will require time and effort = 'bail out' and run away utilizing the excuse that I am not capable or good enough to make the task well - using this as a justification and excuse in self interest to not walk self-change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not do the tasks at school and the studying accurately and in-depth when I am able to do it - so that I render myself defective at school = to fail and then have an excuse based on Experience that apparently I am not good enough - when it has been a self-engineered deception in self interest to create an excuse to not stand up for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself in order to not take on my education effectively and take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I will not make it and that I am not good enough with school even though I have not actually put myself to the test in doing school properly- in self interest to not have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize instant/automatic excuses such as 'I am not good enough' give up and and not put myself to work but instead = participate in Laziness and Procrastination.

I see, realize and understand that 'bailing out' in 'running away' from my education is impossible as I will have to face education in order to live in this world effectively in terms of money and global change required within an Equal Money System - thus I commit myself to whenever I see that I am about to give up with excuses such as 'I am not good enough' I stop then, breathe and remind myself that this is a Belief if I see in self honesty in the past where I utilized the same excuses to not do school work and then failed - thus = I instead stop repeating the past by working effectively step by step the tasks I have to do to be effective at school.

Day 59: Turning Off 'Dream TV'

 Today I found myself thinking of what I could do in the future within my education, and I was doing this instead of putting myself to study, to procrastinate on studying. I see I was sabotaging myself because results within studies come from accumulation of work/effort/study that produce a result that is passing and getting on with education, reaching that goal that one can think yet it's only a distraction and never the same as reality - because in reality I have to work breath by breath in detail to create results whereas in the mind it is instantaneous - thus not real (ity).


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear putting myself to work on what I see I could accomplish within my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the ridiculousness of fearing not being able to do in reality something that I can think in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to stick to a plan that I set for myself within my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can work daily and that this daily efforts will accumulate and that I don't have a direct influence on the final outcome but on it's different parts as days that I have walked that accumulate to create the end result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scaremonger myself in thinking of getting good results within my studies – without seeing, realizing and understanding the process of accumulation that it entails and that I can't have it done in one moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in thinking of getting it done in my education and then fearing to not get good results is contra-productive as I am giving up the very thing that will make the end results, which is adding up to the end result each day a bit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get through my education without having even started.

I commit myself to write a plan for myself to walk my studies effectively.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am focusing and thinking of the 'end product' or 'goal' remind myself to see and understand that I only have an effect on a given moment that I decide to work whenever I have the opportunity so that this work accumulates to the final purpose/goal.

I commit myself to motivate myself to take on my education as a challenge and not as a dull duty.

Whenever I see that I am wasting time in my mind thinking of the future within my education = I stop, breathe, and see that I am sabotaging that very future that I am trying to work out in my mind as I remind myself that good results in education come from the accumulation of work and that thus I should be studying instead of thinking in my head - thus, I move myself to study and stop thinking.

Day 58: Let's get Real, this is not Disney

I have a kind of mug from where I drink water, and it's transparent so I had to check if it was full and yes it was, and I was glad because I was thirsty - and I had filled the mug myself previously but I wasn't sure of it. This lead me to the realization that, obviously, I am the creator of my reality. I am the provider of what I have, what I do has a direct impact on what I experience. It's like sometimes I'd like that I'd pass at school or have this or that, but WTF? if I create my reality it is delusional that I desire anything - I simply do what it takes to create that which is practical and then there it is. To create something that is practical for All, this would be to implement an Equal Money System. And for Myself first, well, the first stop/step is that I get an education, which I am currently walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get a good education and pass my exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put myself to work to get a good education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to pass my exams instead of putting myself to work for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put myself to work on the things I know will support myself with, such as studying, and doing DIP and DIP Lite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a 'miracle' to save myself in making me pass exams and have a good life - out of nothing - not considering the steps required for that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a good life instead of working for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a job - instead of getting one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have Money instead of putting myself to work for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up writing - instead of seeing it is self-sabotage in self interest to not stand up for myself and change.

I commit myself to work on the solutions and stop worrying about how I feel - seeing that 'feeling' is just a veil to not see that the answer is to walk in practicality constantly here as Breath.

I commit myself to solve all my problems here in my reality by walking the Solutions that I know I have to walk so that I don't have to desire anything - to then expand into working in solving this Reality's problems.

I commit myself to stop all self-interest in desires to instead work for what is best for me in the context of what is best for all, at all times.

Day 57: Organization vs. Self-Sabotage

“Anticipate the difficult by managing the easy” - Lao Tzu 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in not organizing myself and my work effectively - rendering myself defective in self interest to not have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist organizing myself in a schedule  to not have to see that I have to work more - in self interest to not put myself to work effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to render myself ineffective by not effectively organize the papers for school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time in looking for papers for school in not having organized the papers in participating in laziness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the simplicity and effectiveness of being organized and organizing my stuff at school and my time in a daily schedule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately sabotage myself by not organizing my timetable and my papers for school effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being organized as difficult, in self interest to not have to apply myself effectively in an organized way that is measurable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being measured and seeing that I am clamorously ineffective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that if I don't tackle the problems like being disorganized = I will continue being disorganized and ineffective in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am missing the opportunity to become really effective in not organizing myself effectively.

I commit myself to organize myself and my timetable and my school papers effectively so that is easier for me to work within my day effectively.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I feel overwhelmed by a task, I breathe and stick to simplicity to walk the point effectively one point at a time.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that once I separate any task in separate parts that I am able to do then it becomes easier and thus I must always take on the tasks point by point to walk slowly but surely every point and not give up.

I commit myself to whenever I see I want to give up a task = see if I am trying to do more at once than I am able to and then take a part that I am able to walk so that I continue doing the task to eventually complete it.

Day 56: Maintaining the Commitment

 

I missed 5 days of writing - last time I missed 7 days - This is a bit of an improvement or a big mess up again - lol. I'm Back! Not intending to miss more days, by the way.

Self forgiveness on fear of not being able to maintain my commitment:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to maintain the commitment to write daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having time to write within a day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need a great idea or topic in order to write a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that to write a blog I only need to write it, there is no special self-experience that is needed.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to write daily unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need 'inspiration' in order to write a blog or otherwise it will come out a big shit, not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my decision to NOT write a blog in past days where I have not written.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not writing blogs instead of writing blogs daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that wasting time is not important at all - that I have to do what is important first and then see that I will no longer want to waste time as 'wasting time' is merely giving into the resistance of 'not wanting to write' - and then doing nothing else that is relevant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there are really a few things relevant in this life and that I must not get distracted with irrelevant stuff in wasting time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I actually want to waste time without seeing that I am not enjoying myself and merely trying to avoid doing the tasks that matter - thus it is best that I do the tasks that matter and move out of the 'wasting time' zone or I will die in regret and shame of what I've done with my life.

I commit myself to put my time in the stuff I see that matters - deliberately disregarding the experience of 'wasting time' as distracting myself from doing that which matters, within the realization that I don't really want to waste time because it is not a self-directive decision but a reaction to something I resist doing in self interest = thus not best for All and thus not best for Me either.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am avoiding doing a task = stop, breathe and direct myself to do it within the realization that it is what is Best to do in that moment.