August 29, 2013

Day 99: Are My Wants My Needs?

Suggested to read Heaven’s Journey to Life blog 439 and blog 440 for background perspective on fear of commitment and what is it really.

In common sense I see that what is Best for All is best for me. Standing up thus within this principle of doing that which is Best for All is what is needed for me, and best for me.

I see how my ‘Wants’ are interfering with that - because I allow my wants to override my common sense - in the end I will never be satisfied with having chosen a path to fulfill my ‘wants’ because of the way the mind works, one is never satisfied following Energy/wants in any way.

I see for example I have this desire/want to have a relationship with a woman. In having this desire I am also holding on to my mind, by wanting to preserve all the personalities that would be useful for me to build an image of myself that is not real, that is an illusion, in order to attract and have a relationship with a woman.

The catch 22 here is that if I accept to participate in parts of my mind such as personalities in order to have ‘my way’ and get what I ‘want’ = then I am also accepting ALL of the mind -- which means that I won’t be able to stand up for myself as who I really am, because I am standing up for my mind and participating in my mind, which is not who I really am. I can’t say or ‘want to’ stand up for Life as who I really am while at the same time hold onto and keep participating in my mind as personalities/thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in self interest in desiring to have a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need my mind as personalities in order to have a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have Not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself when communicating with women, in the belief that I need to make me appear ‘more than me’ - stating that I am ‘not enough’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the desire to have a relationship with a woman consume me to the point where I believe that I have to manipulate my way into having one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the desire to have sex consume me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself for the desire of having a relationship with a woman in order to have sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to my mind in order to be able to ‘dress up’ and manipulate my way into having sex/having a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to have a relationship with a woman = I have to decieve/manipulate/create an illusion of who I am so that I can be liked by her, instead of knowing who I am and showing me as who I am openly unconditionally.

I'll continue more in the next post.

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