Day 137: Less is More

NOTE: I wrote this on Dec 10, 2021, but didn't publish it, until now.

 Nine years have passed since I wrote in this blog, and I am happy to write here again. I am older and (maybe) wiser but also I might have had a different spark back in the times I was 22. I am 31 now. 

Back then I had a wish, that things would change. And things have changed, for the worse. I am talking on an existential level, here on Earth, things are getting worse. And I see that I can't do much about it other than starting with myself. This has also been the point, self first, and here I am. It's 1:26 at night and I can't go back. I can't go back to when I was 22 and coerce myself to change, it is in every moment that I have to change.

I have been obsessed with change, but what is it really? When all on the outside collapses. When there is only me left with myself in my bed at night, with unrest for what I could be doing, so much more than what I have done. 

But there - I was going to say that there is hope - but there is no hope, there must be no hope, because hope has mantained me in a way of inaction, not changing myself hoping for a better future. It doesn't work this way. 

At the moment I see myself so insignificant but it doesen't have to be this way, I have kept writing blogs on two other blogs that I have kept, astudentsjourneytolife and bipolarsjourneytolife. I skipped the students' journey to life because I thought I was no longer a student - and could do a better job at walking the bipolars journey to life. As I was saying, it doesn't have to be this way. I feel insignificant because I believe I have no relevance, and I believe I have no relevance but yet this message will reach someone so I will go to the facts:

We are fucked - and this is not a negative message. There is no way out - and this is not a negative message - but only one, to do what is Best for All. And I believed that by merely keeping alive I was doing a favour to someone - that is not true. It is not true because by merely surviving, nothing will change. It is time to create - a world that is Best for All. 

And this is what frustrates me - but why - because the world is not Best for All. Then I should start with myself - push myself to become the best version of myself. That is why I am writing now, not to cry, not to rant and rave about how fucked we are, but there is a way out, remember? Yes, no matter what I do I cannot escape from the consequences of my actions, and so everyone else - from consequence.

So in the meantime, while the world goes to shit, we are doing like Nero, singing with a small harp while the city burns down to the grown, but withdraw the R, remove the R from Nero and you get Neo - the matrix is real and the red pill is real too. Still have to change the world though - but in the meantime I will recover first from taking the red pill - which is when Neo is in a way reborn in the movie -- I am walking my 7 year journey to life to be born again in the pysical, to stop the mind.

I still remember the first time I realised I could talk in my head, to curse and say whatever I wanted, as a little child - it was precisely when my dog was put down and I was very angry, then my mind activated and voilà it was running like a perfect machine - but it can be unplugged. Check out Desteni.org and the blogs, 7 year journey to life blogs, and start your own so that you can show as proof the process you walked and where you stand, because in times of trouble no one will know = who to trust.

7 Year Jorney to Life on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife

My blogs

https://bipolarsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

https://astudentsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

Enjoy

Day 106: Tiredness by Beliefs

Sleep, almost with a little bending of the L you can get 'Sheep'. Sleep control and what the media has tried to indoctrinate of us to sleep - of which there is a cool video Hangout here. I won't go into that but instead into how I have manipulated myself into acting differently when I have not had too much sleep/enough sleep. So last night I did not have a lot of sleep but about half of what I should have slept, and then in the afternoon I was not effectively working on math problems as effectively as I did the day before when I had more sleep. What is interesting is that later in the afternoon, when I finished the math classes, I was full of energy. So it means that I was manipulating myself to not perform/apply myself as effectively because of beliefs that if I am tired then I cannot operate/function effectively - that if I have not slept enough one night then it has to affect my ability to direct my day and responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I have not slept as much as I usually sleep or if I have slept only a little = that I will not be able to be effective at mind-work related tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is only if I participate in the mind that I am 'slow and dull' and that I am 'here' and alert when I am Here as breath, even if I have not slept the usual amount of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose myself the limitation of not being able to direct my day and responsibilities effectively in participating in the belief that = if I do not sleep the required hours the day before = the next day I will not be able to 'function' properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of walking moment by moment, pre-design my experience within my day by believing that I will automatically be tired if I have not slept the amount of hours I normally sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into not delving and doing the stuff that I find difficult with the excuse that I am tired - when in fact I am immediately aware and prepared to do any other activity, which reveals that - in that moment - I am not really limited by not having slept the regular amount of hours.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see for myself if I am really tired and need to have a rest or if I can walk my responsibilities - and according to this - walk my day.

Whenever I see that I am putting excuses to not do some activities but can do others easily, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am participating in excuses and self-limitation by avoiding walking my responsibilities.

I commit myself to disregard excuses that 'I am tired' and instead assess if I can do an activity in the moment.

I commit myself to assess the real physical condition of my body and see if I am making up an experience with my mind where I am not effective or if I really need to stop and rest if possible.

I commit myself to make the necessary arrangements to be able to provide my body with the neccessary support in terms of sleep and eat so that I dont have to put unnecessary stress on it.

I commit myself to identify and stop whenever I am participating in excuses to not engage and walk my responsibilities effectively.

I commit myself to walk my day/responsibilities without a preconceived idea of the state that my mind and body will be in based in how much I have slept - but instead assess the state of my body in the moment and act accordingly by taking common sense practical decisions that consider my body and without allowing self-limitation of the mind such as believes that I must be tired.

Day 105: Input - Output

There is a basic premise in Math that for you to get a result, there must be something that produces the result - or else you get none, zero. Today I was working on a math problem where I missed writing a number and at the end of the excercise, instead of getting the full four answers that I expected to get, I got three - because at the beggining of the problem I only introduced three numbers instead of the four that was required. This mistake I did was a begginers mistake as I was distracted and did not check properly when applying the rules of the exercise. So what you put in is what you get out of things. Like writing blogs and studying and everything in life you give and then you receive. Jesus put it best 'Give as you would like to recieve'. Writing blogs as self support and in the way maybe possibly assisting others in their processes is very significant.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to discipline myself to write every day/as much as possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I support myself in writing and in applying myself = the more I will expand in my process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I push beyond my accepted and allowed limitations = the more I will be able to do/become/achieve in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that time is a created thing - where I can make time to do many things within my day to support myself such as writing or studying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I support and assist myself with Blogs and by walking my process - the more I will expand - within the principle of giving and recieving - giving to me and recieving from me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live Self Esteem, 'Self as Team'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me the gift of self-support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the fact that I have not lived self-support and self-esteem effectively until now is a simple begginner's mistake and that I can learn from it and correct myself for a better outcome in my life/living experience.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I create my reality and experience and my world and that living self support should manifest in all areas of my participation or else I will create an imbalance by not taking care of all dimensions/areas where i participate.

I commit myself to check and correct myself in all areas of my life/participation where I see that I am not effectively living self-support and self-esteem.

I commit myself to remind myself of my responsibility 'response hability' to deal with all the problems/issues that may arise -- as I am the creator of my experience and thus my own and only saviour/assistence in every moment of breath.

Day 104: The Old Self Must Go

To 'Burn my old self' - As it is Not Real in the first place.

My 'old self' are all the patterns/behaviours that I participate in that do not take into consideration me as a responsible human being nor take into consideration all other life. I've seen how, I have kept repeating the same mistakes/behaviours that are not assisting or allowing myself to expand myself in my responsibility to care for all life - including myself in the first place. It takes a process of 7 to 14 years to de-construct the old self - which is why I am writing this blog as a proof and written record of what I am doing that can also assist others in their respective Journey to Life because essentially we are all the same - yet with different points that we are walking/ in different life experiences on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless I stop and change myself, I will continue to live and do as my old self/ as I did in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for who I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on stopping my old self with the tools at my disposition by judging it as 'too much'. Within this - I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that because I have created and accepted and allowed myself to become who I am at the moment = I can also take it apart, delete the old self and build up myself again in self-integrity.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the common sense that unless I stop myself in every moment = I am allowing my old self to continue.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate what/who I have become - in fear of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that unless I investigate who/what I have become = I am powerless to change me.

Whenever I see that I am about to participate/am participating in patterns of my old self and not direct myself effectively in common sense, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to stop myself in every moment because my old self will not simply go away by itself, I have to stop it because I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in it until now.

Whenever I see that I am judging myself/judging 'my old self' - I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is not to take it personally but to understand, forgive, and let go of the points. I realize that what/who I have become won't be pretty/a nice thing to witness - yet dealing with it and stopping it is the best thing to do because after I am done with it - it will no longer exist - and life can be born from the physical.

I commit myself to put it my all into walking my process of change.

I commit myself to apply myself in doing all the neccessary actions to stop my old self within the realization that 'I remain' and only what is not real can ever go away/disappear.

I commit myself to continue walking until my old self no longer exists.


To be continued in the next post

Check out this Free Online Course where you'll learn essential Life Skills: Desteni I Process Lite

Day 102: Self Awareness and Correcting Myself

One of my fears when deciding to stand up for myself has been the fear of giving up along the way, of not continue to apply myself effectively - in a way, wanting to control the outcome by having the certainty that I will suceed or else I will not start. One thing that I have seen is that I am aware when 'things get out of control' this is, when I am not directing myself effectively - and so within that I have the opportunity to take action. Another thing I have seen is that I also have the opportunity to do again when I don't get things right the first time - For example, yesterday I was until late writing the blog but I did not come up with a relevant blog at first, meaning it was taking me time to write it and I allowed myself to go to sleep without finishing it - thus not effectively walking the point of one blog a day -- however, here I am in the morning after waking up writing a blog, giving myself the opportunity to stand.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the key is self-honesty, meaning that because of the fact that I am aware of when I can do more - of when I am not doing enough = I can correct myself. Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that 'giving up' is not something that 'happens to me' but a very badly informed decision - and I can instead decide to stand up for myself no matter what because I see what is giving up and what is not in self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will give up myself somewhere along the line of my process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted allowed myself to trust myself enough to walk my process unconditionally in self trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control the outcome of my process by wanting to know how will unfold, without realizing that it is not pre-programmed and that I have to walk it unconditionally regardless.

Whenever I see that I am not doing enough/not directing myself effectively in my day to day walking, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have the opportunity to make a difference for myself once that I am aware of the problem in my application, thus I commit myself to act wherever I see I am not applying myself effectively and to 'leave no stone unturned'in my investigation and correction of the issues with the tools of self honesty, self forgiveness and practical application until I have it done and I am effective in my walking.

I commit myself to direct myself in every moment in what I do - to act where I see in self honesty I am able to do more for myself.

To continue in the next post

Picture Art by Andrew Gable

Day 101: Do or Die

It has been a long time since I wrote a blog. I made excuses in my mind such as having to come up with a specific blog that I have to write since a long time ago, and basically because I was not writing that blog I was not posting anything else.

It is the same with missing class with a private tutor that I attend, because I did not want to show up without having done a task we started, and when I finally decide to go regardless of not having this task done and simply attending with the intention to do the task there, it turns out that we do another thing. So I will still have time to do the other task by myself.

So, excuses are lame and that is that. You either take responsibility for you - and me for me - or you don't. And that is something I can live in every moment of breath, with taking practical decisions.

Another example is the task of walking my lesson of the DIP course, where I avoided it completely and today put myself to it and to my surprise, I enjoyed reading the lesson - and I've seen for myself once more that not applying myself is accepting and allowing myself to live and continue living in utmost limitation and fear - that is unnecessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize excuses to not have to take responsibility for myself in writting blogs and with studiyng and other tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life without giving myself direction as self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by not applying myself as self-responsibility in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to the excuses that I make up in my mind to not direct myself - without realizing that I then pay with the wasting away of my life/time on earth and other consequences that manifest with me not taking responsibility for myself.

Whenever I see that I come up with an excuse in my mind to not walk/do a task, I stop and I breathe, I realize the inevitable that I take responsibility for myself and therefore I stop the thought and continue with doing the task.

I commit myself to me and disregard all distractions/excuses and instead walk my responsibilities within and as steadfastness. I see/realize and understand that participating in procrastination is a time and opportunity waster.

Whenever I see that I am not appling myself as self-direction in my life, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself that I have proven myself in the past that I can take responsibility for myself in walking tasks dilligently - so I put myself to work on the practical tasks of taking responsibility for me and my life.

I commit myself to give myself direction as self-responsibility in self-honesty in every moment of breath.

To continue in the next post

Day 99: Are My Wants My Needs?

Suggested to read Heaven’s Journey to Life blog 439 and blog 440 for background perspective on fear of commitment and what is it really.

In common sense I see that what is Best for All is best for me. Standing up thus within this principle of doing that which is Best for All is what is needed for me, and best for me.

I see how my ‘Wants’ are interfering with that - because I allow my wants to override my common sense - in the end I will never be satisfied with having chosen a path to fulfill my ‘wants’ because of the way the mind works, one is never satisfied following Energy/wants in any way.

I see for example I have this desire/want to have a relationship with a woman. In having this desire I am also holding on to my mind, by wanting to preserve all the personalities that would be useful for me to build an image of myself that is not real, that is an illusion, in order to attract and have a relationship with a woman.

The catch 22 here is that if I accept to participate in parts of my mind such as personalities in order to have ‘my way’ and get what I ‘want’ = then I am also accepting ALL of the mind -- which means that I won’t be able to stand up for myself as who I really am, because I am standing up for my mind and participating in my mind, which is not who I really am. I can’t say or ‘want to’ stand up for Life as who I really am while at the same time hold onto and keep participating in my mind as personalities/thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in self interest in desiring to have a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need my mind as personalities in order to have a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have Not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself when communicating with women, in the belief that I need to make me appear ‘more than me’ - stating that I am ‘not enough’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the desire to have a relationship with a woman consume me to the point where I believe that I have to manipulate my way into having one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the desire to have sex consume me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself for the desire of having a relationship with a woman in order to have sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to my mind in order to be able to ‘dress up’ and manipulate my way into having sex/having a relationship with a woman.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to have a relationship with a woman = I have to decieve/manipulate/create an illusion of who I am so that I can be liked by her, instead of knowing who I am and showing me as who I am openly unconditionally.

I'll continue more in the next post.

Day 87: Studying Mill

Due to not having studied and then failing at exams, I have to go to exams comprising trimester's worth of matter of many subjects. I have been offered a small three-afternoon-only job for three and I have declined it after saying yes at first, due to the time-constriction that I find myself at this point. The fear of failing the exam is big, and I see it as not worth it to risk failing an entire course. It would be best if I could manage both, but I don't know that I can do it - so best to not risk my future prospects and study as much as I can, even if I resist the idea of immersing mysef in studying intensively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing the exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in being able to discipline myself into studying every day as much as I can so that I give myself the best opportunity to pass the exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I 'entertain' myself in working a small job = I will fail the exams due to not having studied enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'bad' for not taking a work offer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be able to do this job and also pass the exams, and from this be disposed to risk my exams by accepting the job, instead of seeing that I have no way of knowing if I am able to do both things because I have not yet put myself to study and don't know how much time will it take for me to know the subjects effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior if I don't take the job. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give an image of 'being capable' of managing many things/being capable of doing many things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to commit myself to study - but be ready to work for someone else for money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take myself seriosuly within my studies in self-discipline.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not studying in a good rythm/pace if I have all the time of the day for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not studying effectively if all I have to do is study by myself for three weeks.

Whenever I see that I fear not being able to study effectively within my day, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am the one that determine what I do within my studies, that I am the one that have to push me to study effectively and that I can know how I am doing it by asking myself and seeing the proof within the material that I am studying and by testing myself to check if I know the stuff or not.

I commit myself to review myself every day to see how I am progressing and if I am studying effectively or I need to change something.

Whenever I see that I fear failing the exams, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is stupid to fear an exam, that I simply have to study and prepare myself so that I can pass them effectively.

Whenever I see that I want to escape having to study, I stop and I breathe, I realize that I cannot escape from me, that I will have to inevitably face the point of education wether now or in the future, and that I better do it now and stop wasting my time. I realize that if I don't do give it my all in the exams I will not come out of it in integrity - and all kinds of side effects that can be prevented will instead come back haunting me - by my own acceptance and allowance.

I commit myself to giving it my all to pass the exams. I commit myself to utilize time effectively.

I commit myself to take responsibility for the outcome of the exams, as it is determined by me and what I do and 'no one else'.

Day 86: Don't Fall for Excuses and Justifications

There has been a month or so that I have not written here, now that I look at it I see there is really no excuse not to write, because I can see the time-allocations that were many where I could have written. This is then about discipline and this includes not letting me avoid responsibilities with using excuses. 

One of the excuses was that I had to study first and then I would write afterwards - I have then manipulated myself into not doing studying or writing, wich is absolutely not acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize excuses to not write the blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid studying and use this as an excuse to also not write the blog - without seeing that I can write my blog about why I am not studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not do my responsibilities instead of pushing myself within self-discipline to do them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize conditions to write a blog - instead of doing it wherever in the day it is possible for me to write.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop procrastinating/not doing my responsibilities with the blog and studies despite seeing what I was doing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to respect myself within directing myself in doing my responsibilities of blogging and studying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that all the days that I don't write I am sabotaging myself instead of assisting myself.

Whenever I see that excuses are coming up to not write the daily blog, I stop and I breathe. I realize that not writing is self-sabotage and that I can choose this compromise or to support me.

I commit myself to write every day.

Whenever I see that I am not studying when I should do it, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have the opportunity to support myself and that deliberately not doing it is self-dishonest.

I commit myself to study every day.

Whenever I see that I am procrastinating/not doing my responsibilities within my day, I stop and I breathe. I realize that now that I am aware of my self-dishonesty I can change it and direct myself within discipline and support myself instead.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am procrastinating/not taking responsibility for myself during my day = to change in the moment to do the task that is required.

Day 84: True Positivity

"push yourself as far as you can go and then go beyond it--as the as far as you can go is the limit of your program --te point where you can go no more--the belief that defines you that must be eradicated" --- The Essence of Walking the Journey from Consciousness to Life by Bernard Poolman

How many times have I given up, decided that my circumstances were more than what I could handle. Yet I realize in looking at my situation that I have been given everything and i have given so little. Education, money, support -- all is in vain -- it is not what one has been given but what one does with it. And there will be many excuses and experiences, like a heaviness that comes up as I am writing this, that tries to drag me to inaction and then I see: It is this negativity of not putting all that I have on stake to do what it relevant. I have nothing to lose. As of late I have had this experience of anxiety of wanting to have a good experience a good moment/feeling, but it is a trap, because the 'best experience' of all would be to put my efforts to the joint effort of those that dare to put it all at stake to create a world that is the best possible for All Life on Earth.

Either this or the illusion of limitation of creating my 'own drama' of excuses and reasons and blame - all the while disregarding and trowing away the opportunities that do exist in my circumstances -- so after all I sould not consider myself as positive if I only look for the negatives in my world to then give up and not do my best to support myself to stand up for myself and for All. The phrase 'where there is a will there is a way' makes much sense and pushing myslef to go as far as I can go and beyond is truly a worthwile effort to take on: The true positivity.

Investigate:
Desteni
Equal Money

Day 83: Imaginary Limits

I was reading an interview where I saw a being being effective in their world, standing up for herself and while I was reading I noticed a heaviness in my lower back and legs, an increased awareness of that area and it reminded me of the paralyisis where the lower back and legs are paralised. And I can relate this to self imposed limitation that I have believed to be real, where I don't give myself the chance to stand up for myself and instead accept to let all opportunities pass - as if I can't walk/take them on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can't be directive in my world at all times.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself enough to give myself the opportunity to walk what I see is that I must do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can't be effective in everything I see I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I fear to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to render myself useless by not standing up for myself and taking the opportunities that I have with me in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are better than me and that I can't do what others can do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be special by seemingly being unable to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get attention from being ineffective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself attention and want others to give it to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust in my capabilities to direct and be successful in the tasks that I set myself to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the time to do the tasks that I have to do - no matter what, unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to dare to do the tasks that are important/relevant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for distraction and satisfaction in order to forget that I am not standing up for myself - instead of standing up for myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing if I stand up for myself within myself and my world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realise that not standing up for myself is the failure - not not being succesful when doing it and having to repeat until I have it done.

Whenever I see that I am lagging behind my responsibilities and not standing up for myself, I stop and breathe. I realise that I have to walk until all is taken care of both within and without - and in this every breath counts.

I commit myself to stand up for myself in every breath, directing what I have to do within effectiveness and discipline.

Whenever I see that I am giving up and stranding myself, I stop and breathe. I realise that it must only be a product of the mind and thus a sickness that I am not standing up for myself - so I stop and redirect myself to stand up for myself, exploring how it is that I stopped to correct it and not allow myself to fall back/fall behind.

I commit myself to investigate all instances where I participate in apathy/isolation and where I give up, to correct it until I stand eternally.

Whenever I see that I am accepting self-limitation, I stop and breathe. I realise that I can't accept anything else than what is best, so in every moment I move to do my best and work to expand it.

I commit myslef to discipline myself to stand in every situation/moment that I face.

I commit myself to take myself and tasks one breath at a time, within patience and perseverance.

Day 82: Double Standard Stranded

Problem

I have observed that I have a double standard when it comes to working and responsibilities. One is very direct, steadfast and effective approach that I take at the internship I am doing. The other is very undiligent and ineffective which is when having to study and review or do other self-study work.


Solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be inconsistent in my approach to taking/working/doing responsibilities - instead of expanding myself by using the effective approach I take in one area to all areas/responsibilities within my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if I can apply myself in an effective way in one task, I can expand this ability to other tasks in the same way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reason why I can direct myself to be effective in a task is due to the nature of the task instead of realizing that the same effectiveness I can apply to any task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply myself differently depending on what responsibility I am facing - instead of applying myself in integrity by putting the best of my habitily to all my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the way to expand my effectiveness and hability of doing a task is by applying myself doing it to the best of my hability - because then I can see what impediments I have and work on them to be able to do more/better.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if I don't apply myself in every task to the best of my hability I will never expand in effectiveness on those tasks - and this is because I know within myself that I am not giving it my all and assume that I can choose to do more if
I want -- but then the day that I really need to be effective I will find that I can do only so much, probably less than I imagined.

Whenever I see that I am avoiding walking responsibilities to the best of my hability, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am deliberately sabotaging myself by choosing to spend more time and have a less quality job made PLUS not being able to become more effective at the task that I am doing - thus I instead opt to apply myself to the best of my hability so that I can, even if it takes more time, expand and discover more of myself in what I am doing.

I commit myself to push myself to do the tasks/responsibilities to the best of my hability - so that I can know where I am and go further from there/expand on them.


Reward

To become more effective in everything I do and within this discover more about myself in it.

Next post will be on Fear of Failure.

Day 81: What's in a Task? (Part Three)

Self-Correction Statements based on the previous posts 'What's in a Task?'. Suggested to read: Part One and Part Two

Whenever I see that I am thinking about doing a task in my mind, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am sabotaging myself by making the task be 'more' in my mind than what it really is - in order to have an excuse to not do it. I understand that giving up because of thinking that that a task is too much is judging myself without giving myself the opportunity to do the task - as I can only prove to myself that I am able to do something by doing it.

Whenever I see that I am participating in impatience before doing a task, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am only able to do what I can do in one breath and while in my mind I can see a task done in a moment it does not mean that it is capable of assessing the exact detail of how it will be like to walk every step/process of doing it.

I commit myself to disregard any thoughts of 'how will it be like' to do a task and instead I put myself to do it unconditionally in common sense.

Whenever I see that I am entertaining myself with thoughts of doing a task before doing it, I stop and breathe. I realize that I can think of doing a task for however long I want but that it will never get done until I put myself to do it. I understand that it is more practical to invest the time in doing the task instead.

I commit myself to whenever I see myself thinking of doing a task, stop and put myself to work on it immediately, within the realization that it is the only way that it will get it done eventually.

Whenever I see that I am uncomfortable doing a task, I stop and breathe. I understand that I am making it harder for myself if I am thinking and preoccupied in my mind instead of sticking with the physical while doing the task.

I commit myself to whenever I find I am uncomfortable while doing a task = check what it is that I am participating in my mind and stop it by focusing on breathing, the environment that I am in and the physical actions that I am doing - unconditionally.

Whenever I see that I am judging a task as boring/dull/difficult, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am in my mind and not in fact Here as breath that give me Life, and that giving up what is real for the illusion of the judgement thought is not worth it, as I will inevitably have to go back and complete the task at a later time - so I better do it in the moment.

I commit myself to stick to doing a task until completion.

Day 80: What's in a Task? (Part Two)

Here I will apply self forgiveness on the points that I saw in the last post (Day 79: What's in a Task?), related to inflating tasks and responsibilities in my mind in order to avoid doing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell in thoughts of me acting out actions in the future such as doing tasks and walking responsibilities without seeing/realising/understanding that thoughts are not real and they do not depict or describe in any way what will it really be to walk the talk of the thinking within my head as thoughts into action - but instead it will probably discourage me from taking action in seeing the task as more than what it really is, a sum of individual physical actions that need to be done one breath at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misguide myself by considering thoughts as important and give them my attention to carefully plan ahead what it is that I have to do - without seeing that it is a mere distraction and prevention from taking action in doing the task in fact, in the flesh Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately set aside and dismiss and not act on my realizations and insights on what it is that I have to do - thereby revoking the gift as opportunity to support myself that I have in that moment - instead of doing it and exploring what happens if I take responsibility for myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately think of all the tasks I have to do to then judge them as too much in self interest so that I don't have to actually get out of my mind and do them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that all taks consist of different actions and that in fact I cannot do more than what I can do in one breathe. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in impatience whenever I think of a task getting done in my head before I actually do it - instead of breathing and taking on doing it step by step, breathe by breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical that is real by judging it as boring/dull/difficult instead of seeing that I can be more effective at doing tasks in the physical by aligning myself to the physical, this is = to remain Here as breathe - being physcially aware of my breathe and my surroundings and what it is that I am doing, noticing the background noise and making sure that I am comfortable within my body by breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself by participating in the mind of thoughts of projections of things that I have to do without seeing, realizing and understanding the purpose of the mind of 'divide and conquer' that happen whenever I am participating in my mind jumping from one thought to the other without ever concreting and obtaining any measurable result that is real.

I'll continue with the Self Corrective Statements in the Next Post.

Art by Andrew Gable

Day 79: What's in a Task?

The power of action, of doing, this is the solution. All the insight in the world is not enough, at the end theory has to be concreted in some action, as the quote 'Knowledge without application is useless' by Bernard Poolman describes best.

The past days I've have had many occasions where I have seen what it is that I have to do in terms of responsibilities and every time I've failed to do most of what I saw. There are different traps and mechanisms to prevent from action, such as thinking of doing many things - this discourages from doing anything because Reality doesn't work like the Mind - the mind can see something done in a fraction of a second while in the real world things take time to be done, it requires a step-by-step, breath by breath physical action such as writing, cleaning or any other task that is real. Therefore, instead of thinking of doing many things, it is more useful to instead see what is the immediate next point, the next step that is required for me to do, without thinking ahead of what comes next.

Like for example, how difficult it is for me to write a line for a blog or read a line of school homework - it is not difficult, it is only difficult if I am participating in my mind about how difficult it is - lol. Because in the real world one does never 'do homework' or 'clean the house' in one moment - what one does in the real world is a sequence of physical actions that accumulate into what we can describe as 'doing homework' and 'cleaning the house' -- but it consist of many actions. So it is not to think 'I have to clean the house' and then become discouraged as seeing it as 'too big' but instead simply see that it is a sequence of actions that I have to do and 'I better get it started becuse it will take time' lol -- This is similar to the strategy of 'divide and conquer' = seeing the tasks as individual actions that are easy but that once are done, something cool or required is achieved such as having a room cleaned or delivering a school paper.

In seeing this, there are no excuses that are valid for not taking on and doing the responsibilities that I have to do in my day, because if I can do the different steps that are required to clean or do homework, I am able to start and finish doing it.

It may sound a bit ridiculous to dissect responsibilities in such small actions but I've noticed how I have done the opposite in order to avoid doing it - For example thinking of tasks as such a big thing/difficult thing to do, instead of seeing tasks for what they are, a sum of actions that are 'doable' if I am breathing and stable here, intead of going into the mind and complain and think about how big and difficult a task is - which is not in fact real, as I've explained.

The next blog I will start with doing self forgiveness on inflating tasks within my mind in order to give up before starting them and then continue with self corrective application to change it to a practical approach to walking tasks and responsibilities.

Picture Art by Carrie Tooley

Day 78: Well-Educated Character

"Prevention is ALWAYS the Best Cure" – Bernard Poolman

Problem
Wanting to appear/look like I am well-educated.

Solution
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately talk in ways to project an image of myself of being well-educated and smart. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value an image of myself more than my own self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others judging me as dumb/failure and within this try to show the opposite by showing a façade/face of being polite/well educated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being articulate and showing knowledge on many topics means that I am superior and better. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that knowledge is important/valuable without considering who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will 'loose face' and be considered inferior if I 'slip' and make mistakes in a conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that educated people are better than uneducated people. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive to 'prove' that I am not uneducated by opening a 'peacock tail' of knowledge within a conversation - within the fear of being considered inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others will like me more if I am smart - and will like me less and be marginalized if I they believe I am stupid. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be liked, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as smart and sharp, in separation of myself.

Whenever I see that I am trying to appear/look like I am well-educated and smart, I stop and breathe. I realize that knowledge without application is useless, that I am not more to KNOW something. We are all Equals as Life - there is not an animal that is more of Life than another one. Difference of humans based on knowledge is an illusion.

Reward
Not having to pretend being smart/talk in a way to be considered smart, being at ease while in the company of others, enjoying them for who they are without being busy in advertising what I know.
 
To be continued...