Day 150: The Buddha Said

The title is from a book by Osho. He never wrote a book, he simply talked and recorded that into audios.

I was listening to a song, the lyrics said 'tell me what to do' and it remided me of myself, when I thought that some other person might know better tham me, for example a brother slightly oder, like if that difference made a - well - difference

I don't know if this will reach many, but it is not important

Today I want to do some random self-forgiveness, or maybe on the uncertainty of 'making it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make it in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to gain recognition while I am alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feed my ego by having recognition.

I forgive myself that IH ave not accepted and allowed myself that it might not be my peers that get the message, but the future generations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe instant gratification means anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not good enough if I don't get feedback on my writings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I might not get any form of recognition in this life, but still this doesn't mean that I can leave an important message for the beings to come

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that recognition i useless

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that changing the world doesn't endow one with any recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work towards a world that is Best for All unless I get recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that wanting recognition is Ego

Day 149: Normal, Good Life

I know who I am, I stand up for the abused whenever I have found myself in a situation where there was someone being abused, it is normal to me.

I know that I stand up for the abused because I have seen this in real time of myself. It is normal to me.

I deserve to do all that I want in my life because I know whenever there is abuse I stand up for it/the abused.

Life has to be easy for me and everyone else, natural like breathing.

We all have to thrive and it has to come natural to us, like breathing.

We all have to find that which we enjoy and do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am a cool guy because I stand up for the abused.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see my value that I stand up for the abused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I deserve to live a good life because I care.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I should live a good life because I care for people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself instead of considering myself as worthy of a worthy Life.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am worthy of a worthy life.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to live a worthy life because I care.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am intolerant to abuse whenever I come face to face with it.

Day 148: Who am I

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to live the word perfection instead of doing my best in every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be perfect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that perfection does not exist as it is dependant on every individual perspective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be able to do everything perfectly instead of doing my best in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to attract attention of others by doing something unusual/bold

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't need to do anything outrageous in order to have attention from others, they can simply hear me for who I am 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to do something outrageous or dangerous to get attention from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to not see that I am important with or without attention form others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to want attention from others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed mysel to see that I can get attention for who I am not for what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that who I am is more important than what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not enough and therefore want to get attention for what I do/have instead of for who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at who I am, instead looking at what I do or  have

Day 147: Judge Not

 Yesterday I was approached by a friend, telling me that another friend had scared him and I, instead of reassuring that it was all fine by this friend that scared another one, I said that this friend that scared another one is 'strange' and giving some examples more-- thus judging in all its glory. Today I had to ask for forgiveness from this friend, also in presence of the first friend that came to me for help with this friend. All in all, judging is not cool because the person that is judged cannot defend themselves. Thus you are doing a trial without giving the opportunity of the judged to defend themselves. I would hate to have a friend near me that when other people ask him about my behaviour, he simply says that Ruben is strange -- not cool. It is simply to remind oneself that we should not judge at all, as life is difficult enough and however one decides to act in Life we, from the outside, cannot possibly know why of the way he acted like that. And in fact, in this example, judging someone as strange is detrimental to the relationship. From now on I will only talk well/positive of people or simply not talk unless they are present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friend as strange when approached by another one that he had scared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to judging instead of 'judge not - lest ye be judged'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions with my friend by judging him and his behaviour

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friend instead of being here as breath and examine the situation with this other friend that said that was scared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to judge not unless I be judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the dynamics of the friendship whenever I decide to judge a friend with another friend present -- which is detrimental to the relationship with the first friend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that judging persons/friends is very detrimental to any possible relationship that can form between me and them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that judgement of people is very detrimental of the relationship at all levels.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I judge someone for example as strange because of their way of living - I am separating myself from them and there is no possible friendship to be sustained between us as I separate myself from them within and as the judgement.

Day 145: It Matters

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be left out without a job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to provide for myself

I forgive myself that I have acccepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that death is inevitable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear rule my actions and decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough money to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get money for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being left out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being fired from my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that life is at the other side of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kill myself with fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being self honest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being trusted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust others because I don't trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being irrelevant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to fear being relevant

Day 144: Mad House

 In this mad house, where they try to ply me with coffee and cigarettes, is where the revolution starts. I am not happy with only coffee and cigs you see? I can see I can do much more and so I will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only do so much to influence change as onenes and equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can do much more to influence change as oneness and equality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not sure of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I give myself permission to stand up for myself - no one will

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am ready to stand up for myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself permission to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am ready to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need a mad house 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the injustices of some placements of people in this mad house being unjust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand how the system is rigged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the system of equality is impossible with unjust rules at the mad house

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand how the rules of the mad house are unjust, placing people here in situations of helplessness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand what I can do for equality in any situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am not mad but are ruled by mad house rules

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I stop this madness - mad house rules will continue to apply to rule over people deemed as mad unjustly.

Day 143: Do Something Every Day

 

I realized today, to change effectively I can do something every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the power of accumulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the power of accumulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not  see, realise and understand the power of accumulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the equality equation of 1+1 =2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that what I do can accumulate to greater change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty by not accumulating what is best for all every day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysel for beating me up for apparently not doing what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that whatever I did in the past led me to where am I now so I should be careful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be proud of myself

I forgive myself that I have acdcepte and allowed myself to put myself down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysel to believe that if I am not manic I cannot be my best self

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be grateful for everything I have done as it has allowed me to be and become what I am now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe process has to look a certain way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that thinking process have to be a certain way is judging it and myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that having an idea of how process is is just an idea and not real¨

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have the right idea of how process should be, when in fact I have no idea

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn about how process should be instead of going with the flow

Day 142: Act Now

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for something to act, as in poverty or riches

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that waiting is waiting and there is no excuse for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the simplicity of everyone being supported to have their best life possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not act in every moment in a way that is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I act and we act nothing will be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless we do something nothing will be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the system that is running will continue to run until annihilation of all possible life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that we can unite to get change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that waiting is the root cause of change NOT happening

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, that the fact that I have a job doesn’t make me protected from an uncertain future, as many have at the present moment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that unless I stand as an example of what is possible many will not be able to stand up because of it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that many will not be able to stand up if I fail to stand up in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am one, yet everyone finds themselves at the same position, being one, so it is only natural that if I stand up many other ones will do the same

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can do so much that I yet don’t know because I have not put myself to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my creative potential because I have not yet put myself to do all that I can for equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am capable of so much more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have to act whenever I see I can act, without postponing or waiting

Day 141: Worker Thinking and Money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a worker

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can also be self employed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will always be an employer/worker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by defining myself as a worker

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can start my own business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all I can be is a worker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all I can be is employed for someone

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can work for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a slave

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a slave

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am not a slave

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior when it comes to making money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe money can be made through working for someone else only

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not required to work for someone else for money/I can work for myself for money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a work/no work polarity of good and bad.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can work for myself

I commit myself to remind myself that to work for myself I will have to work for myself/build self discipline

I commit myself to remind myself that I am only that which I accept and allow e.g. slave

I commit myself to remind myself that it is never too late to stop being a worker/slave

Day 140: Sacrifice = Investment

Sacrifice is in reality an investment. Giving up something for something better. We should all consider investing in Equality for All, as it has the best ROI (return on investment) possible, ever, for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that sacrifice is needed in order to obtain anything of value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sacrifice believing that I will not get anything in return if I do sacrifice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make sure I get something in return BEFORE I make the sacrifice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that sacrifices have to be unconditional for them to work.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the fact that a sacrifice is unconditional is because results are never guaranteed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want guaranteed results.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that nothing in this life is guaranteed, except death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I understand how sacrifice works = I will not see that it is in fact a simple investment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to decide to invest in Life and Equality for all - and Equal Rights

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and undertand that the best investment there is = is Equality for All

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that sacrifice is another word for investment, they are interchangeable words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my investment for Equality will not have returns - instead of investing unconditionally - as I see it is the only possible way.

Day 137: Less is More

NOTE: I wrote this on Dec 10, 2021, but didn't publish it, until now.

 Nine years have passed since I wrote in this blog, and I am happy to write here again. I am older and (maybe) wiser but also I might have had a different spark back in the times I was 22. I am 31 now. 

Back then I had a wish, that things would change. And things have changed, for the worse. I am talking on an existential level, here on Earth, things are getting worse. And I see that I can't do much about it other than starting with myself. This has also been the point, self first, and here I am. It's 1:26 at night and I can't go back. I can't go back to when I was 22 and coerce myself to change, it is in every moment that I have to change.

I have been obsessed with change, but what is it really? When all on the outside collapses. When there is only me left with myself in my bed at night, with unrest for what I could be doing, so much more than what I have done. 

But there - I was going to say that there is hope - but there is no hope, there must be no hope, because hope has mantained me in a way of inaction, not changing myself hoping for a better future. It doesn't work this way. 

At the moment I see myself so insignificant but it doesen't have to be this way, I have kept writing blogs on two other blogs that I have kept, astudentsjourneytolife and bipolarsjourneytolife. I skipped the students' journey to life because I thought I was no longer a student - and could do a better job at walking the bipolars journey to life. As I was saying, it doesn't have to be this way. I feel insignificant because I believe I have no relevance, and I believe I have no relevance but yet this message will reach someone so I will go to the facts:

We are fucked - and this is not a negative message. There is no way out - and this is not a negative message - but only one, to do what is Best for All. And I believed that by merely keeping alive I was doing a favour to someone - that is not true. It is not true because by merely surviving, nothing will change. It is time to create - a world that is Best for All. 

And this is what frustrates me - but why - because the world is not Best for All. Then I should start with myself - push myself to become the best version of myself. That is why I am writing now, not to cry, not to rant and rave about how fucked we are, but there is a way out, remember? Yes, no matter what I do I cannot escape from the consequences of my actions, and so everyone else - from consequence.

So in the meantime, while the world goes to shit, we are doing like Nero, singing with a small harp while the city burns down to the grown, but withdraw the R, remove the R from Nero and you get Neo - the matrix is real and the red pill is real too. Still have to change the world though - but in the meantime I will recover first from taking the red pill - which is when Neo is in a way reborn in the movie -- I am walking my 7 year journey to life to be born again in the pysical, to stop the mind.

I still remember the first time I realised I could talk in my head, to curse and say whatever I wanted, as a little child - it was precisely when my dog was put down and I was very angry, then my mind activated and voilà it was running like a perfect machine - but it can be unplugged. Check out Desteni.org and the blogs, 7 year journey to life blogs, and start your own so that you can show as proof the process you walked and where you stand, because in times of trouble no one will know = who to trust.

7 Year Jorney to Life on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife

My blogs

https://bipolarsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

https://astudentsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

Enjoy

Day 136: Superstar

The reason why I am so effective at the moment lies in what I've done for the past entire life, so since I was 17 and you can check here in this blog Day 111: Paranoia of Failure and specifically Day 112: Paranoia of Failure - Part Two " I did not "have the courage" to live out my desires/self-interest and suppressed it, but continued to not take responsibility for myself just in case 'I get to live that'. So I did not immediately go and live out the desire, but wait in hope that maybe possibly at some point in the future I can live them."

Not to say that I am any different than you, or do what I did, each has to walk from where they are.  I am the same as you as Life, as One and Equal as Life. I simply have been more close to my being from deciding to not only not go far away from my being but in fact remain very close, only separating by my addiction to Energy and not wanting to take responsibility for stepping up from there to Living my Utmost Potential, that is the part I am starting to walk now in Self-Perfected group on Facebook. Join me in my journey and understand the importance of blogging/vlogging. My Youtube channel 'What Has Blogging Done for Me'

You can also check for reference my other blog to see how I have changed: bipolarsjourneytolife.blogspot.com and my very first blog started in April 2008 iamruben.blogspot.com

Read these outloud if you dare to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  become addicted to energy.

I forgive myeself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become like a demon that feeds of energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there is more to Life than participating in Energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if anyone can do it I choose to be the one that stands up first if no one else will

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that if the world has to change it doesn't matter who pushes the button, me or anyone else, and that if no one else does, I will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that where am I now is a direct consequence of what I have done with my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I've been redpilled and I should really consider stepping up to the game and stand up for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand my untapped potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that hey, this is Real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that once I say my first self forgiveness statement there is no going back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that no matter what, I will prevail.

Whenever I see I participate in any form of energy, I stop and I breathe, I earth myself as I let go of the addiction to energy.

Day 135: Perceived Failure

'Day One is Every Day' This Picture was taken when I was at Uni, and I thought that I had big plans and a britght future ahead, and I started with one dollar --- lolol Every Day, Every Breath is an opportunity to expand myself, stop looking into the future so much, have a look, yes, then back to Here. I have set my Vision, the ultimate goal, which is to Do/Live that which is best for all. As I posted in a comment on Facebook it 'Means Living my Utmost Potential and translates into then creating in myself the change I want to see in the world - to then implement it in the world. So my Vision is That which is Best for All, and transates to, in every breath, consider it in every action, so for example doing my bed in the morning, working a job to propell myself forward, studying self-perfected on facebook -- all of that is already walking my Life Purpose of the ultimate goal of creating a world that is Best for All'

Who are we to judge ourselves? To say that 'I am a failure'? Who I really am is Life, not a Failure, failure is failing to do, failing to act, yes, but not 'I am'. I have failed to act, failed to do, failed to apply, yes, many many times, many many days lost so to speak. But I am still here, this is what counts. Those who abandon the race lose the race, -- stay in! It is not a race, it is more of a long run, with steep hills, calm valleys, and rivers to drink fresh water. Be water my friend! If you judge yourself as a failure, look back and see, in fact, how much you've changed because now you are applying yourself by merely reading blogs for instance such as this one!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure for not having walked consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise everyone's process is different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I am not my failures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that judging myself implies separation and it affects the way I can walk from Here onwards

Thus

I commit myself to stop judging myself, as it undermines my capacity to change in every moment - thus hindering my process/future.

I commit myself to remind myself that life is a Journey, with setbacks - real or perceived - and 'wins' - real or perceived? - Life IS! So I commit myself to remind myself to accept what is here, all the fuckups I've done and walk with my head straight with a vision for myself that is Best for All.

Whenever I see that I judge myself as a failure, I stop and I breathe. I realise I am Life, not a failure, I am walking towards Life -- no matter what -- and that by judging myself as a failure I am limiting my standing, stunting my process of growth - Within this I commit myself to stop myself whenever I see I judge myself as a failure.

Whenever I see that I resist doing something, I stop and I breathe. I realise 'should I do this thing, I will expand' - and then choose accordingly to Expand myself and to do the very thing I resist. SO I commit myself to do that which I resist.

Whenever I see that I have too much to do, I stop and I breathe. I realise there is only so much I can do in one breath, so I commit myself to keep it practical and prioritize that which is most supportive for myself within the realization of 'self comes first' as supporting myself is the first step in walking the principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that whenever I judge myself as a failure, I have already condemned me and said 'I cannot do more' which is in fact self interest to not have to stand up for myself and change immediately, in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that uness I change, I will not change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I don't have to Compare myself with others, as I have my special set of circumstances internally and externally that have led me to where I am now, with my own acceptance and allowance so:

I commit myself to remind myself that I am Where I Am now because of my own acceptance and allowance, but it is not to judge myself for it but rather see - that by not accepting and allowing myself to participate in how I did in the past And through walking within principle of what is Best for All - I will change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that everyone's process is specific -- so I am walking a particular point that is of Equal Value as any other being in process that is walking their Particular Point.

Enjoy!

Day 132: Life as Death

 

Death is so final and all encompassing that why should not I live life the same way? Meaning, absolutely, definitively, to the utmost degree of effectiveness. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live in a way to create the utmost degree of effectiveness in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can stand absolute within this one life I have been given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I stand up for myself, I never will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I am actively working hard on improving myself I won't be improved as the programming that I currently have must be transcended before I can program the new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise or understand that I am the very thing that will make me rise or fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my past for not standing up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make all kinds of excuses to not stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself in a way that I don't have to take responsibility for myself ever - instead of challenging all self beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my self-beliefs are real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I change, I will not change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that we are not here to fuck around.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to honour myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that who I am now is not who I really am - otherwise I would not have a preprogrammed/programmed mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the potential I have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that it is up to me to decide to unlock my utmost potential

I commit myself to investigate and apply my utmost potential

I commit myself to push myself to be and become the best version of myself

I commit myself to take Life like Death is, ruthlessly, definitively, All-Encompassing, effectively - applying myself to live this while I am alive.

Day 130: Shame of the Past

Yesterday a friend wanted to watch a movie about USA's punk rockers that did a bunch of drugs, this is not exactly my past but I resonated a bit with at times wanting to get away and party too much, and I was not proud, how could I have been so foolish? Now I relish any time I have left from work to apply myself, to better myself to self-perfect -- but I realize it is a process and now I can say I can close that door for good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost say 'fuck you' to the system and do whatever I want to do in terms of partying

I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time partying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the self-sabotage in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe partying hard is cool

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to party hard

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that 'partying hard' is self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that partying hard is yet another form of distraction from self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that no matter how good the party is, there is no party until all can party

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have not to judge me for having partied, but simply to realize to not repeat the past mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that me believing I am not ready for change is simply another excuse to not have to stand up for myself and change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am ready for change, and have been for a while, but I simply didn't give myself permission to do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can stop whatever it is that is a distraction in a single moment

I commit myself to remind myself that I allow myself to change

I commit myself to remind myself that I am ready to change

I commit myself to remind myself partying hard is in fact dangerous

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to be responsible for myself and for All

I commit myself to remind myself that doing whatever it is other than all that I can to change self and the system is in fact self-sabotage.

Day 112: Paranoia of Failure - Part Two

Continuing from: Day 111: Paranoia of Failure

An interesting point came up, which is the point of desires, and I see how I saw 'living in the system' and going to get a job and make money 'seriously' meaning to get a good career - I despised that in the sense of seeing it as the way of 'self-interest' but yet I desired it - in terms of what one can achieve through that, through having money. So instead of sorting myself  out and seeing for myself that yes I can support myself to have a good career and take responsibility for myself as 'who I am'/what I have become - at the same time, instead I participated in 'Paranoia of Failure' to not take responsibility for myself and so that I can ultimately 'simply work for money', 'follow my desires' and not care about taking responsibility for myself but invest my life and money in living out my desires.

In a nutshell, and this one I give to myself, I did not "have the courage" to live out my desires/self-interest and suppressed it, but continued to not take responsibility for myself just in case 'I get to live that'. So I did not immediately go and live out the desire, but wait in hope that maybe possibly at some point in the future I can live them. All this was unnecessary. It is not a problem to have a good career - it is in fact useful to do something of worth in this life. The part that is a problem is the mind and sorting out this desires/suppression. The solution is to make and live the decision to change: to stop self-interest, and to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my desires yet want to hold onto them and so participate in 'Paranoia of Failure' so that maybe in the future I 'get to live out my desires' - in self-interest to entertain myself and not take responsibility for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make and walk the decision to stop self-interest and take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can entertain myself in this life through living out desires, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I can't avoid taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value more desires than myself and what I can be and become if I take responsibility for me and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in self-interest of wanting to live out my desires, instead of evaluating them and see what is valid if any and what is not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the gift within 'Paranoia of Failure' as I have been able to see where I was deceiving myself and that I can create a life for myself walking the Principles I've committed myself to live by - instead of desires.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am not my desires.

I commit myself to plan my life, so that I am no longer controlled by desires but know in detail that I am walking within the principles I commited myself to live by.

Day 111: Paranoia of Failure

Continuing from Day 108: Why Did I Not Start the Blogs on Paranoia of Failure

One constant in the last about 7 years of my life has been relative failure in my studies – since high school. The problem is that I created this to not take responsibility for myself. Relative failure meaning that I would for example repeat a course but at the end I’d make it through so the result would be that I spend extra time on doing a course. For me it started as a way of getting attention – because as a teenager when I failed some subjects my parents were ‘all over me’ to try and figure out what had happened.
Over time it escalated because I was in a situation where I did not know what to do with my life in terms of what to study and a career, so I decided that I might as well continue living in the comfortable way of the student life for a while, but without any other goal than that, this way I would for example not put enough effort to complete my studies in the recommended time – and instead do a year or more extra. Looking in retrospective, I used failure to plain and simply not take responsibility for myself. Nowadays I do know what I want to do with my life and this pattern ‘Paranoia of Failure’ is obviously obsolete as it always was. The pattern or ‘Paranoia’ I’ve called ‘Paranoia of Failure’ does not serve me at all to live my utmost potential and thus has to go.

Another way I used ‘Paranoia of failure’ was so that I do not have to change. I did this through using the excuse that I had to study in order to not take responsibility for myself within my process, to remain the same and not have to change to ultimately not take responsibility for who I am and who I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let me participate in the point of ‘Paranoia of failure’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself by deliberately failing at my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself by failing at my studies deliberately by not putting in enough work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to complete my studies even though I might not know ‘what is next’ or ‘what I want to do next’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by not giving myself purpose within my studies and life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misuse education to not take responsibility for myself instead of using it to expand myself/support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live to my utmost potential by participating in the ‘Paranoia of Failure’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself and believe in myself that I can do and become something more for me in my life through education and a career.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the point of ‘Paranoia of Failure’ so that I don’t have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘Paranoia of failure’ so that I don’t have to face myself, who I am and who I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the point of ‘Paranoia of failure’ so that I don’t have to face myself with getting a job and support myself that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘trap myself’ through participating in Paranoia of Failure through not moving in any other direction in my life but failure – in self-interest, to not have to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my studies as an excuse to not take responsibility for myself within my process.

Whenever I see that I am using the excuse of my studies to not take responsibility for myself in my process, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to be self-honest about what I can do in my day, and not accept anything less but that. I commit myself to remind myself to be self-honest about what I have time to do and what not within my day.

Whenever I see that I am falling back into not putting enough work or ‘right down not doing’ what is necessary to do so that I am successful at my studies, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it serves no purpose that I fail at my studies and life - and that I must support myself to be successful at anything I do in order to live my utmost potential.

Whenever I see that I participate in laziness or I don’t push myself enough within my studies, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I must push myself – that there are no valid excuses to not do all I can do to be successful at my studies. Within this, I commit myself to push myself at my studies as much as I am able to - so that I may live my utmost potential.

I commit myself to remind myself of my purpose in this life, of the reasons why I study – so that I don’t ‘get lost’ in any way but instead push myself even to greater extents so that I may become more in this life.

Day 107: The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle

I hereby commit myself to live by the following principles:


1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment  and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

Day 106: Tiredness by Beliefs

Sleep, almost with a little bending of the L you can get 'Sheep'. Sleep control and what the media has tried to indoctrinate of us to sleep - of which there is a cool video Hangout here. I won't go into that but instead into how I have manipulated myself into acting differently when I have not had too much sleep/enough sleep. So last night I did not have a lot of sleep but about half of what I should have slept, and then in the afternoon I was not effectively working on math problems as effectively as I did the day before when I had more sleep. What is interesting is that later in the afternoon, when I finished the math classes, I was full of energy. So it means that I was manipulating myself to not perform/apply myself as effectively because of beliefs that if I am tired then I cannot operate/function effectively - that if I have not slept enough one night then it has to affect my ability to direct my day and responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I have not slept as much as I usually sleep or if I have slept only a little = that I will not be able to be effective at mind-work related tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is only if I participate in the mind that I am 'slow and dull' and that I am 'here' and alert when I am Here as breath, even if I have not slept the usual amount of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose myself the limitation of not being able to direct my day and responsibilities effectively in participating in the belief that = if I do not sleep the required hours the day before = the next day I will not be able to 'function' properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of walking moment by moment, pre-design my experience within my day by believing that I will automatically be tired if I have not slept the amount of hours I normally sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into not delving and doing the stuff that I find difficult with the excuse that I am tired - when in fact I am immediately aware and prepared to do any other activity, which reveals that - in that moment - I am not really limited by not having slept the regular amount of hours.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see for myself if I am really tired and need to have a rest or if I can walk my responsibilities - and according to this - walk my day.

Whenever I see that I am putting excuses to not do some activities but can do others easily, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am participating in excuses and self-limitation by avoiding walking my responsibilities.

I commit myself to disregard excuses that 'I am tired' and instead assess if I can do an activity in the moment.

I commit myself to assess the real physical condition of my body and see if I am making up an experience with my mind where I am not effective or if I really need to stop and rest if possible.

I commit myself to make the necessary arrangements to be able to provide my body with the neccessary support in terms of sleep and eat so that I dont have to put unnecessary stress on it.

I commit myself to identify and stop whenever I am participating in excuses to not engage and walk my responsibilities effectively.

I commit myself to walk my day/responsibilities without a preconceived idea of the state that my mind and body will be in based in how much I have slept - but instead assess the state of my body in the moment and act accordingly by taking common sense practical decisions that consider my body and without allowing self-limitation of the mind such as believes that I must be tired.

Day 105: Input - Output

There is a basic premise in Math that for you to get a result, there must be something that produces the result - or else you get none, zero. Today I was working on a math problem where I missed writing a number and at the end of the excercise, instead of getting the full four answers that I expected to get, I got three - because at the beggining of the problem I only introduced three numbers instead of the four that was required. This mistake I did was a begginers mistake as I was distracted and did not check properly when applying the rules of the exercise. So what you put in is what you get out of things. Like writing blogs and studying and everything in life you give and then you receive. Jesus put it best 'Give as you would like to recieve'. Writing blogs as self support and in the way maybe possibly assisting others in their processes is very significant.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to discipline myself to write every day/as much as possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I support myself in writing and in applying myself = the more I will expand in my process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I push beyond my accepted and allowed limitations = the more I will be able to do/become/achieve in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that time is a created thing - where I can make time to do many things within my day to support myself such as writing or studying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I support and assist myself with Blogs and by walking my process - the more I will expand - within the principle of giving and recieving - giving to me and recieving from me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live Self Esteem, 'Self as Team'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me the gift of self-support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the fact that I have not lived self-support and self-esteem effectively until now is a simple begginner's mistake and that I can learn from it and correct myself for a better outcome in my life/living experience.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I create my reality and experience and my world and that living self support should manifest in all areas of my participation or else I will create an imbalance by not taking care of all dimensions/areas where i participate.

I commit myself to check and correct myself in all areas of my life/participation where I see that I am not effectively living self-support and self-esteem.

I commit myself to remind myself of my responsibility 'response hability' to deal with all the problems/issues that may arise -- as I am the creator of my experience and thus my own and only saviour/assistence in every moment of breath.