Day 128: ConceptIOn

Initially wanted to name this blog 'Pregnant' but I do not want to be misleading. I am not in a relationship where she is pregnant, no, as I am writing this I am riding to work and I was semi asleep when a strong sense of 'I am pregnant and I am not doing anything' arose. So I asked myself, where is this coming from? And it is funny because I have put myself a timeline of 8 - 9 months to start my business. But the business is not what came up when I asked myself the question of where this came from, it was more about Me - where I am in the process of letting go of the old me to, yes, birth a new me so to speak - the business is merely a side effect of my new direction. The part 'and I am doing anything' arose because with me right now I have a laptop and about two hours, and was not doing anything useful with it. So this blog to mark the start of my newfound care for myself. 'Concept I On' - or 'I am on a concept' as this all is still bsut a blueprint that I have to live and even the blueprint is in the design stage.

Self Forgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself as my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to utilise all the available time to support myself and train.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I don't support myself effectively I will not be able to go through with my plans.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I need all the time I can to support myself - so use all available free time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that for something to move I have to push, or pull, for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can enjoy the process of creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that with enjoyment things are easier even if hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the hidden ingredient in hard as enjoyment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to express myself as myself in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread doing anything I deem as hard as I judge and believe it has to be painful, painstaking and that I won't enjoy it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can enjoy doing something that is so called hard to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can live the word focus.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can live the word direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I will not stop for anything in my process of change, so may as well enjoy what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't have to fight something that I deemed as hard, simply is something that requires focus, being direct, and discipline - it does not mean that I will suffer or that I will take pain from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to fear/resist doing stuff that I judged as hard as in my definition of hard there was pain, suffering and this is not how it is as hard merely means requiring focus, direction and discipline.