Day 135: Perceived Failure

'Day One is Every Day' This Picture was taken when I was at Uni, and I thought that I had big plans and a britght future ahead, and I started with one dollar --- lolol Every Day, Every Breath is an opportunity to expand myself, stop looking into the future so much, have a look, yes, then back to Here. I have set my Vision, the ultimate goal, which is to Do/Live that which is best for all. As I posted in a comment on Facebook it 'Means Living my Utmost Potential and translates into then creating in myself the change I want to see in the world - to then implement it in the world. So my Vision is That which is Best for All, and transates to, in every breath, consider it in every action, so for example doing my bed in the morning, working a job to propell myself forward, studying self-perfected on facebook -- all of that is already walking my Life Purpose of the ultimate goal of creating a world that is Best for All'

Who are we to judge ourselves? To say that 'I am a failure'? Who I really am is Life, not a Failure, failure is failing to do, failing to act, yes, but not 'I am'. I have failed to act, failed to do, failed to apply, yes, many many times, many many days lost so to speak. But I am still here, this is what counts. Those who abandon the race lose the race, -- stay in! It is not a race, it is more of a long run, with steep hills, calm valleys, and rivers to drink fresh water. Be water my friend! If you judge yourself as a failure, look back and see, in fact, how much you've changed because now you are applying yourself by merely reading blogs for instance such as this one!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure for not having walked consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise everyone's process is different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I am not my failures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that judging myself implies separation and it affects the way I can walk from Here onwards

Thus

I commit myself to stop judging myself, as it undermines my capacity to change in every moment - thus hindering my process/future.

I commit myself to remind myself that life is a Journey, with setbacks - real or perceived - and 'wins' - real or perceived? - Life IS! So I commit myself to remind myself to accept what is here, all the fuckups I've done and walk with my head straight with a vision for myself that is Best for All.

Whenever I see that I judge myself as a failure, I stop and I breathe. I realise I am Life, not a failure, I am walking towards Life -- no matter what -- and that by judging myself as a failure I am limiting my standing, stunting my process of growth - Within this I commit myself to stop myself whenever I see I judge myself as a failure.

Whenever I see that I resist doing something, I stop and I breathe. I realise 'should I do this thing, I will expand' - and then choose accordingly to Expand myself and to do the very thing I resist. SO I commit myself to do that which I resist.

Whenever I see that I have too much to do, I stop and I breathe. I realise there is only so much I can do in one breath, so I commit myself to keep it practical and prioritize that which is most supportive for myself within the realization of 'self comes first' as supporting myself is the first step in walking the principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that whenever I judge myself as a failure, I have already condemned me and said 'I cannot do more' which is in fact self interest to not have to stand up for myself and change immediately, in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that uness I change, I will not change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I don't have to Compare myself with others, as I have my special set of circumstances internally and externally that have led me to where I am now, with my own acceptance and allowance so:

I commit myself to remind myself that I am Where I Am now because of my own acceptance and allowance, but it is not to judge myself for it but rather see - that by not accepting and allowing myself to participate in how I did in the past And through walking within principle of what is Best for All - I will change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that everyone's process is specific -- so I am walking a particular point that is of Equal Value as any other being in process that is walking their Particular Point.

Enjoy!

Day 134: Perceived Evil Shit as Hostage Taking

There are some point or points that I can use to not have to stand up for myself, it is simple, look for something that I jutge as Evil, do it, then don't forgive myself for it. The result is that I have effectively taken myself Hostage by myself. Brilliant. Today I relieve myself from my Perceived Evil Shit. So that I may never again play hostage taking with myself and stand up for myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in Perceived Evil Shit so that I have something to not forgive myself for to not have to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by participating in PES.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in Perceived Evil Shit as self extortion/hostage taking of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I will have to forgive myself for everything so I better not fuck around with hostage taking games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have an excuse as to why I won't or can't stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe participating in PES is a valid excuse to not stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disturb myself deliberately by participating in PES

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that games like PES are valid to not have to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that by participating in PES I will be harming myself ultimately

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe playing with PES is acceptable to abandon myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon myself from participating in PES as self extortion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide my participation in PES 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my PES is evil and judge it as evil

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that participating in PES will stunt my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as evil from participating in PES

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of participating in PES

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear from participating in PES as to what if it is known

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into submission

I commit myself to support myself

I commit myself to remind myself to not sabotage myself

When and as I am tempted to participate PES, I stop and I breathe. I realize I will have to stand up for myself no matter what, so I better do my best to not sabotage myself.

Day 133: Giving 100%

A moment ago I did a live video on facebook about why I am commited to give 100% and now it feels like I am empty inside - which is different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being empty as difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysel to want to feel energy moving inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stop because 'I am not feeling anything'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am still Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see, realise and understand that feelings don't matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my inner experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that experience may not be real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not feeling anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I cannot stop for a feeling or lack of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see that I have to walk despite of everything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need a motivation to move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see that I can move myself by principle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect a reward for standing up for Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see that in fact it might feel worse to stand up for Life, meaning, uncomfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up because 'I don't feel anything'

I commit myself to remind myself I have to walk no matter what

I commit myself to support my physical body

I commit myself to remind myself to breathe

I commit myself to walk no matter what.

Day 132: Life as Death

 

Death is so final and all encompassing that why should not I live life the same way? Meaning, absolutely, definitively, to the utmost degree of effectiveness. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live in a way to create the utmost degree of effectiveness in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can stand absolute within this one life I have been given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I stand up for myself, I never will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I am actively working hard on improving myself I won't be improved as the programming that I currently have must be transcended before I can program the new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise or understand that I am the very thing that will make me rise or fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my past for not standing up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make all kinds of excuses to not stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself in a way that I don't have to take responsibility for myself ever - instead of challenging all self beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my self-beliefs are real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I change, I will not change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that we are not here to fuck around.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to honour myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that who I am now is not who I really am - otherwise I would not have a preprogrammed/programmed mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the potential I have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that it is up to me to decide to unlock my utmost potential

I commit myself to investigate and apply my utmost potential

I commit myself to push myself to be and become the best version of myself

I commit myself to take Life like Death is, ruthlessly, definitively, All-Encompassing, effectively - applying myself to live this while I am alive.

Day 131: Where are You?

The day I woke up to pain and suffering on Earth was when I was about 10, I was living in a community so there were kids my age and some where older in the same big house, and one day one of the older teens/early tweens if I recall well talked about how there are 'snuff movies' where for instance - and this shoked me the most - they would torture people and for example take their eyes out with a spoon. I got shocked to the core, and I realised this = If I am in one room, and someone is geting tortured in another room not too far away, I would not feel their pain. In other words, we do not feel the pain others endure. There was something off.

The other day I had this realization: No matter how awesome you are, if you are not Here - if you are not where you are supposed to be, it is as if you don't exist. For example, if you have to and don't take care of something, if you are not there for it, what does it mean to this thing? It is as if you don't exist. The thing you have to take care of does not benefit from you being 'awesome somewhere else'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not be Here for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be Here for everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take care of All life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose the easy path.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the easy path is not easy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the trap in easy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to open my eyes to what is here as the Truth of what is Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by believing that what I do doesn't affect others - when in fact the opposite is true.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can be and become much more than what I believe is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am always somewhere - so I have to make sure that where I am is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see that whenever I am not where I am supposed to be, someone suffers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it does not matter how awesome I am if I am not the Best version of myself within the context of what is Best for All.

Day 130: Shame of the Past

Yesterday a friend wanted to watch a movie about USA's punk rockers that did a bunch of drugs, this is not exactly my past but I resonated a bit with at times wanting to get away and party too much, and I was not proud, how could I have been so foolish? Now I relish any time I have left from work to apply myself, to better myself to self-perfect -- but I realize it is a process and now I can say I can close that door for good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost say 'fuck you' to the system and do whatever I want to do in terms of partying

I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time partying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the self-sabotage in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe partying hard is cool

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to party hard

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that 'partying hard' is self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that partying hard is yet another form of distraction from self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that no matter how good the party is, there is no party until all can party

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have not to judge me for having partied, but simply to realize to not repeat the past mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that me believing I am not ready for change is simply another excuse to not have to stand up for myself and change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am ready for change, and have been for a while, but I simply didn't give myself permission to do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can stop whatever it is that is a distraction in a single moment

I commit myself to remind myself that I allow myself to change

I commit myself to remind myself that I am ready to change

I commit myself to remind myself partying hard is in fact dangerous

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to be responsible for myself and for All

I commit myself to remind myself that doing whatever it is other than all that I can to change self and the system is in fact self-sabotage.