Day 134: Perceived Evil Shit as Hostage Taking

There are some point or points that I can use to not have to stand up for myself, it is simple, look for something that I jutge as Evil, do it, then don't forgive myself for it. The result is that I have effectively taken myself Hostage by myself. Brilliant. Today I relieve myself from my Perceived Evil Shit. So that I may never again play hostage taking with myself and stand up for myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in Perceived Evil Shit so that I have something to not forgive myself for to not have to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by participating in PES.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in Perceived Evil Shit as self extortion/hostage taking of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I will have to forgive myself for everything so I better not fuck around with hostage taking games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have an excuse as to why I won't or can't stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe participating in PES is a valid excuse to not stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disturb myself deliberately by participating in PES

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that games like PES are valid to not have to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that by participating in PES I will be harming myself ultimately

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe playing with PES is acceptable to abandon myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon myself from participating in PES as self extortion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide my participation in PES 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my PES is evil and judge it as evil

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that participating in PES will stunt my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as evil from participating in PES

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of participating in PES

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear from participating in PES as to what if it is known

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into submission

I commit myself to support myself

I commit myself to remind myself to not sabotage myself

When and as I am tempted to participate PES, I stop and I breathe. I realize I will have to stand up for myself no matter what, so I better do my best to not sabotage myself.