Day 78: Well-Educated Character

"Prevention is ALWAYS the Best Cure" – Bernard Poolman

Problem
Wanting to appear/look like I am well-educated.

Solution
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately talk in ways to project an image of myself of being well-educated and smart. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value an image of myself more than my own self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others judging me as dumb/failure and within this try to show the opposite by showing a façade/face of being polite/well educated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being articulate and showing knowledge on many topics means that I am superior and better. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that knowledge is important/valuable without considering who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will 'loose face' and be considered inferior if I 'slip' and make mistakes in a conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that educated people are better than uneducated people. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive to 'prove' that I am not uneducated by opening a 'peacock tail' of knowledge within a conversation - within the fear of being considered inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others will like me more if I am smart - and will like me less and be marginalized if I they believe I am stupid. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be liked, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as smart and sharp, in separation of myself.

Whenever I see that I am trying to appear/look like I am well-educated and smart, I stop and breathe. I realize that knowledge without application is useless, that I am not more to KNOW something. We are all Equals as Life - there is not an animal that is more of Life than another one. Difference of humans based on knowledge is an illusion.

Reward
Not having to pretend being smart/talk in a way to be considered smart, being at ease while in the company of others, enjoying them for who they are without being busy in advertising what I know.
 
To be continued...

Day 51: The Fear Monger Character. Part 1

On Yesterday's blog Day 50: Weight of the Future Exams

I realized today that I didn't direct the main point of self-interest in self forgiveness, which is that I was terrorizing myself with fear in order to not study, to not take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to terrorize myself with fear in self-interest to not have to take self-responsibility for myself within education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to believe that fear is real in self interest in order to have an excuse to not take responsibility for myself within studying.


I commit myself to whenever I see that I am participating in the emotion of fear: Stop, breathe and do that which I am fearing in the understanding that there is a point of self interest behind this fear that is covering up a point I am not yet willing to take responsibility for.

That same day of last blog where during the day I was not doing school work: I started doing jokes to M. like 'scare/scary' jokes. This I've called the Fear Monger Character - wanting others to react in fear to what I do to try and make fear real so that I can have an excuse that fear apparently is to be feared - when it's only self-interest, a cover up to not take self responsibility; trying to make fear real in self-interest to utilize the fear on myself to not take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want M. to react in fear to things I do for me to try and make fear real  in self-interest so I can utilize fear as an excuse to not take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'feed-off' energetically from M. reacting in fear to what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by making someone else react in fear equals to 'fear is real' - not seeing/realizing and understanding that someone believing fear is real does not make it real.

I see, realize and understand that fear is not real but a cover up for irresponsible, self interested-driven human beings.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am fear-mongering someone: Stop, breathe and move myself to take responsibility for myself in doing that which I am trying to escape from in fear-mongering others.

I commit myself to whenever I am fear-mongering myself: Stop, breathe and move myself to take responsibility for myself by investigating and doing that which I am trying to avoid doing.

I commit myself to investigate and correct all instances in my life where I am fear-mongering others and myself to see where I accepted and allowed self-limitation to exist in giving excuses as fear to not take responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to investigate why it is that I fear some subjects like Math, Chemistry or Physics and what self-responsibility I am trying to avoid within this to then move on to forgive and correct myself to take responsibility for it.

To be Continued