Day 22: Failure As Excuse

 

How stupid is it to deliberately create a failure to have an excuse to give up trying and not having to complete a task/job/process? This means - at least when the faiure was produced - that from the start the intention was not to complete the task/job/process, but to fabricate a story credible to self as a justification of why I have not done that task/job/process which I deemed necessary. Too afraid to face the truth?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create a situation where I fail at a given task/job/process so that I have an excuse to give up and feel bad about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when given/faced with a job/task/process that I find challenging deliberately fail at it by performing poorly in order to have an excuse to not have to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe failing at something is enough exucuse/valid excuse to give up on that which I failed to.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that failure exists where I was not prepared for a task and that also depends on specific circumstances that can be out of my control and so it is merely an indication that I was unsufficiently prepared and/or that there are aspects that must be changed so that there are no interferences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the truth and shame of immediately giving up on a task/job/process wich I see would be supportive to myself  and create an experience where I fail so that I have an excuse to give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself by failing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such thing as an acceptable excuse.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that self honesty is the key and what has to be reviewed at all times - also when faced with excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prolong my process by deliberately failing at doing what I see I have to do.
 

I commit myself to stop fabricating believes to not have to face that which I resist.

I commit myself to when seeing that I am going to or am currently creating an experience of failure to have an excuse to give up on a specific task - I breathe and see and understand the utter stupidity of making such a move and waste of time that it supposes and then focus on breath to walk the task in specificity so there are less chances of failing at it.

I commit myself to stop bullshitting myself by creating situations where I fail in order to have an excuse to give up.

I commit myself to assess all excuses that I can come up with regards to anything  = in self honesty - to see them for what they are.