Day 93: Missing The Stop

I was at the bus at night and it was full of people and a bit hot inside, and I thought that the stop would be one that I know but it was an assumption since I do not usually take that specific bus. I distracted myself with opening the windows and then at some point realized it was taking too long - I had missed my stop and had to wait 30 minutes more for the bus to come round his route and pass again at my stop. 

This reminds me of me not making sure that I reach my goals by putting in the necessary work and instead hope that the reality outside will match my inner reality where I can imagine how things will be -- but reality showed me otherwise, the stop wasn't the one that I imagined would be and I missed it because I hoped that I would see the signs that indicate that the bus was approaching my stop -- but because I did not know the route beforehand, we did not pass through were I thought we would so I was clueless all the time that I had missed my stop, until we were very far from it. I could have prevented this by looking out the window and/or asking. 

On a side note, that was curious - I was talking to the driver and at some point, he said that he utilizes all the senses to drive, but the one that he uses more is the vision. I should use it more.

I forgive myselfthat I have accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions in where my stop is instead of asking or being attentive to where the bus is going through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with the windows and the air inside the bus, without being aware of the route of the bus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hope that I will see the bus stop - without putting myself to look out of the window/asking effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and and allowed myself to trust my imagination of what I thing the future will look like, instead of seeing with my eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with the people at the bus - without keeping an eye to the stops.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I see when the bus approach my stop in the assumption that the bus would take the route that I am used to during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to override the common sense that unless I look for my stop, I won't see it.

Whenever I see that I make assumptions in my mind about the future such as what the bus stop will be, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to check everything I am not certain of, that assumptions are just that - assumptions -.

I commit myself to check the facts whenever I see that I make an assumption.

Whenever I see that I hope the future having a specific outcome, I stop and I breathe. I realize that hope will not make things happen, only my actions can create the outcome, and I have to make sure that I walk the necessary actions to force that outcome.  

Whenever I see that I am distracted in irrelevant things, I stop and I breathe. I realize, see and understand that I have to see where I am going, that unless I direct where I am going I will create unnecesary consequence for myself.

I commit myself to see with my physical eyes and in common sense where it is that I am going - both in terms of my movement in this physical reality and in my future.

Day 46: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 5

Continuation of:
Day 45: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 4

Day 44: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 3

Day 43: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character - Part 2

Day 42: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 1

Day 41: Protecting The Self-Image in my Mind  

In reading Yogan's blog I saw how I am looking at the point of getting good grades as a reward.
This afternoon I saw how I was a bit 'down' and disappointed and in a moment I saw how it was unnecessary. Because I am walking again a course with the same name as last year -the 'same' course, I believe that I know what I will be doing and that it will be a repeating and thus boring. I don't know anything in fact and utilized my projections in my mind as an excuse to not engage effectively with studying, to participate in the mind in feeling down and without motivation - which leads to remain locked in the 'Good-but-Bad character if I don't move myself to walk the correction which is walk unconditionally my education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get a reward for getting good grades.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed because I have to walk the same point again this year that I did in the past not enough consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the experience of disappointment in self interest to allow me to not walk the solution of studying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remind myself that it is never about immediate results that I have to define myself - never - and instead push myself to work daily to accumulate so that I eventually become effective at my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will get something off my results at school - not seeing, realizing and understanding that all that I need is me - nothing outside of me is required to complete me but to self-realize myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the marks I get at school are an indicator of how well I can integrate knowledge and not who I am within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to define myself through achievements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to match up the image in my mind as self-grandeur by achieving good grades or having a lot of twitter followers not seeing realizing and understanding that the only thing that wins if I participate in such an expression is my Ego and my mind.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to walk and direct myself commonsensically instead of wanting to expand my Ego in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to attach a positive feeling/experience to what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that because the mind generates what I feel through my acceptance and allowance and because the mind will die if I realize who I am and stop it = I will never get a good feeling from doing something that will get me to a point where I might realize who I am and stop the mind, so I will never get a good feeling by doing that wich really supports me until I stop all feeling by stopping the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to positive energy experiences and negative positive experiences instead of directing myself here as self-stability, self direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to believe that I am doing something different this year by trying to avoid all that reminds me that I am again walking the same point within education - not seeing / realizing / understanding that it is never about what I do but who I am within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to forget that I am walking a point that I've done several times before - to not have to take self responsibility for having manifested this point in perceiving that somehow I am evolving or moving forward - not seeing reality for what it is and then not being able to change myself in not correcting the mistakes of the past in not knowing how I created them by exploring and correcting myself as the mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to draw conclusions such as that I know how this year of studies will play out by the mere fact that I walked a course with the same name in the past - not giving myself the opportunity to live Here in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to stop the 'Good-but-Bad Student' character if I am moved again to another group within school - judging myself before I can correct myself.

I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to correct myself in walking school being Here with myself in every moment of breath and stopping myself whenever I see that I am wanting to interact from the starting point of energy and Ego of the mind to play the 'Good-but-Bad Student' character to protect my self-definitions of the mind.

I commit myself to walk unconditionally breath by breath the correction of the 'Good-but-Bad Student' character in knowing that from the start the character has lost as it is gone at death - but that I am also gone at death - so I might as well walk it through and transcend it while I am here breathing.

I commit myself to walk myself in patience like a mother with a child through their development - step by step in patience and starting anew day by day, relentlessly - as it is required for something of worth to be manifested.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am going into the emotion of 'feeling low' or apathy and unmotivation - I breathe and see that I will never see what I am capable of if I give up - and that I don't have to participate in this unmotivation as all the motivation I need is to make the decision to walk the solution of whatever it is that I am unmotivated to do/unmotivated about.

I see, realize and understand that I can't never be unmotivated by anything and that in fact I accept and allow myself to be or not to be motivated - as I don't need any external thing to be in any certain expression or way in order for me to be motivated as I am self-motivated and I decide that by myself always.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am going into the desire of getting very good grades - to stop, breathe and see that I am wanting to get a positive energy experience that is not real - so I instead stick to my breath and to do what's practically here, in reality.

I commit myself to whenever I want to give up remind myself that I am at the point of change and that I can never give up because sooner or later I have to face myself so best to do it in the moment and not procrastinate as that always create consequence.

Whenever I see I am judging what I do as boring or that I know what I will be doing - I stop, breathe and remind myself that I am looking through the eyes of the mind, not my physical eyes, because what was in the past is no longer here - thus I stop the delusion of the 'past being present' and walk within this physical reality to explore myself within education and elsewhere.

To be Continued