October 19, 2012

Day 41: Protecting The Self-Image in my Mind

This is a continuation of day 40 and day 39:

Day 39: Priority Task vs Any Task

Day 40: Doing my Best or Not

Whenever I see that I am wanting to give up I breathe and see what it is that I am trying to fulfill of expectations of myself and see the ridiculousness of making predictions when I am not a wizard and I don't know myself in fact - so I can't know how I will perform in a task specially when I have never done it before.

I see/realize/understand that wanting to keep an image of myself as self-directive and capable of doing a task is due to me having placed my self value in an image of myself that I created in my mind.

I see/realize and understand that my self value is not based on an image I have about myself or others have of me.

Whenever I am disappointed or going into disappointment and apathy I stop and breathe, and see what it is that Is running in my mind and what it was that I created of expectations and projections of myself in the future.

I commit myself to remind myself of the ridiculousness of the self-trap that I get myself into every time I don't move myself/isolate myself due to fear of not fulfilling an expectation I created in my mind of myself in fear of learning that apparently I cannot do that task and then I have to be disappointed with myself and judge myself as inferior/less than others who can do that task.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am not more or less than another being because of having different skills and instead I remind myself that there is only one real skills which is life skills = writing and self forgiveness lived practically.

I see/realize/understand that I placed a value in the image of myself being directive IN MY MIND not seeing that this is but a mere image, a movie, a projection, light, nothing but something that fades away at death.

I commit myself to stop living up to the expectations of my mind by always doing my best to not break this idol as the image of myself being directive in my mind – and instead I shatter this **cker with self forgiveness and practical correction as it is not and was never real.

I commit myself live in humblesness in walking step by step the takes that take to complete a task without going into expectations and fear by walking/pushing myself to move to the best of my ability.

I commit myself to every day start anew in re-commiting myself to assist myself unconditionally.

I understand that I can never fulfill a picture in my mind because it is not based on reality so I commit myself to walk the process to see what it means to direct myself in the physical – not living up there in my mind reacting to reality in wanting to protect the 'precious images' of myself in my mind.

I understand that it is not true that 'we can't change' as the belief that if I am not successful at doing something that I did to the best of my ability then I cannot do that/I am not capable to do that.

I understand that the belief that I am limited if I find myself unable to do something I do to the best of my ability is not real and that I am capable to create myself and have in fact created mysef - even if I don't know how -and there is no other way to it but to take self responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to investigate how it is that I have got to a point of ineffectiveness in my life whenever I do something that I am not effective at so that I can push and create myself to be effective in that task.

I commit myself to walk all the tasks I do to the best of my ability in the realization that if I don't do that I won't know what I am really capable of and how much I can change myself to break free from my limitations.

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