Day 131: Where are You?

The day I woke up to pain and suffering on Earth was when I was about 10, I was living in a community so there were kids my age and some where older in the same big house, and one day one of the older teens/early tweens if I recall well talked about how there are 'snuff movies' where for instance - and this shoked me the most - they would torture people and for example take their eyes out with a spoon. I got shocked to the core, and I realised this = If I am in one room, and someone is geting tortured in another room not too far away, I would not feel their pain. In other words, we do not feel the pain others endure. There was something off.

The other day I had this realization: No matter how awesome you are, if you are not Here - if you are not where you are supposed to be, it is as if you don't exist. For example, if you have to and don't take care of something, if you are not there for it, what does it mean to this thing? It is as if you don't exist. The thing you have to take care of does not benefit from you being 'awesome somewhere else'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not be Here for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be Here for everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take care of All life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose the easy path.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the easy path is not easy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the trap in easy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to open my eyes to what is here as the Truth of what is Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by believing that what I do doesn't affect others - when in fact the opposite is true.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can be and become much more than what I believe is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am always somewhere - so I have to make sure that where I am is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see that whenever I am not where I am supposed to be, someone suffers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it does not matter how awesome I am if I am not the Best version of myself within the context of what is Best for All.

Day 130: Shame of the Past

Yesterday a friend wanted to watch a movie about USA's punk rockers that did a bunch of drugs, this is not exactly my past but I resonated a bit with at times wanting to get away and party too much, and I was not proud, how could I have been so foolish? Now I relish any time I have left from work to apply myself, to better myself to self-perfect -- but I realize it is a process and now I can say I can close that door for good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost say 'fuck you' to the system and do whatever I want to do in terms of partying

I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time partying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the self-sabotage in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe partying hard is cool

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to party hard

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that 'partying hard' is self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that partying hard is yet another form of distraction from self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that no matter how good the party is, there is no party until all can party

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have not to judge me for having partied, but simply to realize to not repeat the past mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that me believing I am not ready for change is simply another excuse to not have to stand up for myself and change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am ready for change, and have been for a while, but I simply didn't give myself permission to do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can stop whatever it is that is a distraction in a single moment

I commit myself to remind myself that I allow myself to change

I commit myself to remind myself that I am ready to change

I commit myself to remind myself partying hard is in fact dangerous

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to be responsible for myself and for All

I commit myself to remind myself that doing whatever it is other than all that I can to change self and the system is in fact self-sabotage.

Day 129: Work

• Do you judge work as dull, boring even as sabotage of some kind? I did. I found this limits me extensively because then I don't work for myself! Work can be and is self support, by applying the discipline I put into work into working for myself on my projects for example is the solution to get out of laziness and start supporting myself better.

I forgive mysef that I have accepted and allowed myself to see work as dull

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see work for what it is = self support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself with the belief that work is self sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that supporting myself with work is cool indeed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise or understand how work is simply an expression of self support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see work as something I merely did for a third party

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the empoloyee mentality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see work as an investment in myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by believing I have to work for someone else and that is the defintion of work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that working for myself is also work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can work to lift myself up both finantially and also expand as a being

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that whenever I work I am supporting myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see work as self support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see work as dull and draining

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that whenever I work I am expanding myself as I am expanding myself in everything I do that supports myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that work is not enslavement whenever is supportive to get to the next step

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see work as an stepping stone in self support

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I can indeed work and support myself at the same time while I do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I see work as enslavement, dull and sabotage I will never be able to work for myself to improve my situation and that of others as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am actually good at working

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can put the discipline I apply in so called 'work' to work for myself to support myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to transfer the discipline I put into work into all areas of my life

I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the discipline I put into work into work-for-another only

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can take grains of truth in how I express myself and apply it into the whole of my living

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that the solutions that I live in some areas of my life I can apply to problems of some other areas of my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to unlock my true potential by interwining as opening the gates that separate what I do best in some areas of my life so that my whole living is improved

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that whenever I am facing a problem I might have faced the same problem and solved it already so only have to take some application such as how I work into another point that needs correction

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can grind

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have grit and thus can apply it in all areas of my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that if I live a limited life is because I don't allow myself to see myself for who I really am

Day 128: ConceptIOn

Initially wanted to name this blog 'Pregnant' but I do not want to be misleading. I am not in a relationship where she is pregnant, no, as I am writing this I am riding to work and I was semi asleep when a strong sense of 'I am pregnant and I am not doing anything' arose. So I asked myself, where is this coming from? And it is funny because I have put myself a timeline of 8 - 9 months to start my business. But the business is not what came up when I asked myself the question of where this came from, it was more about Me - where I am in the process of letting go of the old me to, yes, birth a new me so to speak - the business is merely a side effect of my new direction. The part 'and I am doing anything' arose because with me right now I have a laptop and about two hours, and was not doing anything useful with it. So this blog to mark the start of my newfound care for myself. 'Concept I On' - or 'I am on a concept' as this all is still bsut a blueprint that I have to live and even the blueprint is in the design stage.

Self Forgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself as my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to utilise all the available time to support myself and train.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I don't support myself effectively I will not be able to go through with my plans.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I need all the time I can to support myself - so use all available free time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that for something to move I have to push, or pull, for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can enjoy the process of creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that with enjoyment things are easier even if hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the hidden ingredient in hard as enjoyment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to express myself as myself in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread doing anything I deem as hard as I judge and believe it has to be painful, painstaking and that I won't enjoy it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can enjoy doing something that is so called hard to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can live the word focus.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can live the word direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I will not stop for anything in my process of change, so may as well enjoy what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't have to fight something that I deemed as hard, simply is something that requires focus, being direct, and discipline - it does not mean that I will suffer or that I will take pain from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to fear/resist doing stuff that I judged as hard as in my definition of hard there was pain, suffering and this is not how it is as hard merely means requiring focus, direction and discipline.

Day 127: Hey, I am Here

 

Do I have your undivided attention? Ok now, I want to recap and have a look at principled living, what are the principles I commit myself to live by. The first one is: 1. Realising and living my utmost potential

I see this one principle as the question, am I doing all that I can to realise and live my utmost potential? This question is twofold, one is investigating what I am capable of and the second living the change. 

I can realise my utmost potential by self-investigating and walking with the tools provided by Desteni, with DIP Lite and Pro and with utilizing TechnoTutor.

I can live my utmost potential by living my realisations, applying them breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not able to investigate myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate what I am capable of as my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not se I can be and become much more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worth of my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see I am worth of my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that merely not doing anything will solve anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I am directly responsible for myself and my world as without my participation everything would be different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am here to be and become that witch is Best for All.

Day 126: Stability as Matter

Lately I have allowed myself to have mood swings without realising that I am Matter - and that's what matters - Stability as Matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape this reality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct my reality as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate standing up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am here no matter what goes on in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that most that happens in my mind is bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand that it is not important what goes on in the mind in terms of giving it importance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to believe that I am my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my feelings.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am more than my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to celebrate that I am here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that no matter what, I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that no matter what goes up in my head I remain here stable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand the stability in matter.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am mood swings.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that no matter what I am still here stable infinitely.

Day 125: Enlightenment

For quite some years I thought there is some type of enlightenment that one can experience. Now I have realized it is not real, with a simple question: How do you think your perception would change if you 'become enlightened'? 

It is this simple, a light won't shine on you or you won't be more shiny.

In other words nothing will happen other than self change. Nothing in the outer nor how you will experience the world, of course if you change yourself your outer world may change, or it may not. In any case nothing magical will happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe enlightenment exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see enlightenment is a deception

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that waiting for something external to happen is a deception and a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe something such as enlightenment exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ground myself here and see that this world is all that exists

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for enlightenment to happen to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not becoming enlightened