Day 173: Drugs as a Crutch

How come some people take drugs and some other people don't? Some people stop drugs and some other people don't stop them anytime? I think drugs are interesting but they are not worth risking your health to. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to experience things with drugs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that reality is interesting without drugs too

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel cozy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that these things I look for in ubstances are not the answer in substances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to take drugs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to put excuses to take drugs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all the things that I look for in drugs I have within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am missing something 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am incomplete

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have to be strong and go without drugs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to bury  feelings of aloneness with drugs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to take drugs because I am bored 

I forgive myself that I have accepted not myself to put excuses like 'I can take drugs now, it's late and no one will disturb me'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that taking drugs fucks with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is an insult to those that are with me to take drugs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act as if I am alone

Day 169: Change or Not Change

For up until now, I have thought of myself that I do not change. I want change and I think I don't change. 

Well, I have been abstaining from drugs for over a year. That's change, that's something new. So I have to be less hard on myself and acknowledge the positive changes I've made and see that I can make many more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am always changing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that change is not something in the future, but a constant doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgetting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how much I have changed in recent times

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not acknowledge my change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I either change positively im a good way or negatively, either I change through consequence, or I change through choice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am shit

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how much I have changed

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not acknowledge the fact that I've been drug free for over a year

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that my self beliefs are not real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am a fuck-up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I don't and can't change 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be impatient about change 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that progress is made when I think I am not making progress 

I commit myself to be patient and easygoing with myself

I commit myself to remind myself I am always changing either consciously or un-consciously 

I commit myself to direct change to what's best for All starting with what's best for me