Day 109: Back to Busy-ness

by Andrew Gable Artist

I was about to post a new blog entry when I saw that the last blog post was from 6 June 2014 which is more than a month ago. It is interesting how the mind works, and how the perception of self and time is not reliable at all. Let me explain. It does not feel like that much time has passed yet it has been two months. More than two months since I last wrote a blog and posted it. I am not saying that I have been writing blog posts in private and not posting them - that is not usually the case, if I have not been posting then it means that, well, I am not writing -- and this is unacceptable. It starts with one day of not writing, that then amounts to a month, two months -- it is not the first time that this has happened and it is not cool to say the least. It is interesting how self-perception is always better than our actual behaviour is in fact, -- it is like studying, I can do little things here and there and say I am studying but then if the day of the exam I don't peform well at all what does it say about my application = that it was insufficient. So it is the same with blogging, it doesn't matter what I think about anything, it is what it is, and the way to keep myself on track is to simply make sure I do my stuff and get the things done day by day. This is the topic of the blog that I wrote for today, and this was simply an epilogue to say -- I am sorry -- but not sorry for myself but simply to say that I have squandered time by not blogging and that I commit myself to from now on make sure I wrote as frequently as I can, daily if I can so that I dont get lost in self-perception self-deception.

Here the blog entry for today:

Recently I was working a summer job and I was very effective, even getting compliments from employers and co-workers ond my performance. Once back at home, it did not translate into being more effective at my responsibilities. Recently I have seen that this is because at the job I was doing, which was phyisical, doing food with my hands, selling food -- I could not afford to be in my mind and wandering off in thoughts for example, as it would cost me -- and did in fact cost me a cut in a finger for example. When I am at home, then I have to apply the same rules so to speak, to not allow myself to go into thoughts and instead apply self -discilpline in simply getting done what is necessary to be done -- and not believe that because I am not working at a job that I can afford to be in my mind  -- because as I have seen for myself, I am not effective if I allow myself to participate in my mind, entertain myself in my mind, sit down, sleep too much = I have to make things happen, get things done, and not allow thoughts, emotions and feelings to stop me - like I did at work thus proved I can do it everywhere.

This realization came up when I was with my cat, it was on my chest quite comfortable, and I realized that, the cat does not know what goes on in my mind, he knows me by my physical, my physical body -- and that is want counts,  I can not feed him, play with him or clean his bowl with my mind, all that counts I do with my body, so I cannot afford to pay attention to my mind for most of the time in a day, it does not matter, it matters what I do physically, the same thing that counted when I was working, it counts how many vegetables I cut, or how much pizza I sell -- the same with blogs, with getting anything done, it is not done in the mind as thoughts for example, it takes physical action -- thus this is how I can be more effective, by focusing on getting stuff done, and stopping the mind works that I allow to render me ineffective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself convict to the con of consciousness as thoughts, feelings, emotions  by participating in them and not doing the stuff that is required to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up excuses not to do stuff, instead of walking self honesty by doing whatever it is I can do to the extent that I can, as then I don't need  excuses any more.

Whenever I see that I am giving excuses to not do something, I stop and I breathe. I realize that giving excuses is not valid, as I have to see for myself wether I can do something or not practically and then there is no choice but do what I can do practically.

I commit myself to remind myself that excuses are not valid, and that I can do ALL that I can do, no more and no less -- thus I commit mysel f to do ALL I can do in my Journey to Life.

I commit myself to remind myself that no matter how bad and gloomy I see some task in my mind, it is not real, and that if I in common sense see that I can walk a task for myself, then I am able to do it and should do it until proven otherwise practically.

I commit myself to remind myself that feelings/emotions and thoughts are not real, that I should not base my decisions and actions on them .

Day 92: Sudden Sadness Bouts

At moments this experience of sadness has come up - for what I could do but am not doing or did not do in the past of assisting myself. This is a trap to react to my own situation emotionally, and in doing this I am feeding the mind, instead of acting on this realization to assist me in every moment to expand and support me to be and become all that I can in this one life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the realization that I could do much more for me now and in the past by participating in the emotion of sadness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-pity whenever I see that I could do much more for me in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up for myself wherever I see that I can do more for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to participate in my reality in a way that 

I can be proud of me - and that I can look back and see that I have been giving it my All to live within the principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply myself within what I see is best for me to do in common sense to live effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and alloweed myself to see that no matter what my situation is, if I am breathing I can stand up for myself and find a way and do what is Best for All.

Whenever I see that I react to my situation in sadness, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am in a very privileged situation where I have all the support available to stand up for myself and change - there is no use in reacting emotionally to my situation, as it does not produce a change, only I can change me through my application consistently.

I commit myself to move make sure that I adress the point of sadness by investigating and correcting every point where I experience sadness.

Whenever I see that I am participating in self-pity, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that self-pity is 'arguing for my limitations'. Thus, whenever I see I am participating in self-pity, I stop and direct me to practical application of what needs to be done, and I also investigate the point in writing when possible/as possible.

I commit myself to investigate all the points in my life where I have participated in self pity - so that I change from self-pity to self-support.

Whenever I see that I am participating in my reality in a way that I am accepting self-limitation, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I only have this one life, with the limitation of time and opportunities = so I rather get this done in my day to day - than to pay with regret later in life or at death, when it's too late.

I commit myself to investigate all the points where I accept myself to exist as self-limitation, to move from self-limitation to self-expansion by applying the tools of writing, self-forgiveness and practical application in self-honesty.

Whenever I see that I am utilizing reasons and excuses to not stand up for myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that any excuse is self limitation -- it is always about self-honesty, to not compromise myself and abuse - but to stand as an example of principled living.

I commit myself to stop, investigate and change all the points where I am self-dishonest - to live free from compromise.

Day 64: Commitment to Self

Commiting myself to do something that I am able to do I have done many times - for example assisting classes at school, paying for something in fractions, etc. Yet when it comes to self-assistance, self-help there is where I fail - and it is simple steps like writing a blog daily or studying for DIP or studying for school consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply myself in consistency and commitement whenever I have to do something for others - but not do it to assist myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up excuses to not apply miself consistently daily in what I see I can do to help myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in not doing the tasks I know I have to do to better myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to commit myself to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and distract myself from supporting myself with entertainment - not giving myself the opportunity to self-discovery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide and run away from facing myself in entertainments instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the inevitability that I face myself along with the consequences manifested for myself by myself - that grow bigger with not facing myself.

Whenever I see that I am 'drifting off' and not facing myself within my day, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have the opportunity to support myself and 'add one' for myself in directing myself to do the next point to support myself - so I do so.

Whenever I see that I experience apathy and/or resistance towards walking a task, I stop and breathe. I realize and that the task is not the problem, so I see within myself where does the apathy/resistance come from and direct myself to do the task.

Whenever I see that there is backchat/internal chatter coming up in my mind during my day, I stop and breathe. I say 'stop, I will not accept or allow myself to participate in this' aloud or in my mind if unable to do it out loud.

To be continued

Day 62: Self-Traps

First of all, apologies for having missed so many days. Today I went to the terrace of the building where I live and forgot to put the door locked in a way that it won't close once I am out, so I was locked in the terrace because I forgot to do that. In a moment, the door was shut and I was out - and had to call a neighbour to open the door to get out. This reminded me that I can become 'fucked up by my own design/creation' where I find myself in a position that I 'wasn't intending to happen' but happened - in this case by a distraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss so many days of writting and supporting myself with self forgiveness, not supporting myself in doing this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself in not supporting myself daily effectively - giving up self responsibility and creating unnecesary consequence for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself through not honouring myself in supporting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I must act in ways to support myself to take responsibility for myself becuse unless I do it noone will do it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trick and deceive myself into giving up instead of finding ways to take on the tasks to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see and know how I will be doing in the future instead of working day by day in ways that are proven to be self supportive like daily writting and self forgiveness as in the course desteni I process and journey to life blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept as 'normal' to not take responsibility for myself - instead of seeing the common sense that it is unacceptable and will only lead to undesired consequence and pain and suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider myself and all others in not supporting myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the opportunity that I have with the support available in Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 'resistance' to act in ways that are proven self supportive such as writing and self forgiveness and practical application as described by Desteni - is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that self interest is not a way but a trap in the belief that there is free choice to not act in ways that are Best for All which is taking responsibility for oneself unconditionally and expand to the world from this, to solve the current problems faced on Earth such as porverty, starvation, war and other abuse going on daily.

I commit myself to unconditionally walk the tools proven to be effective in self-change in taking responsibility for my accepted and allowed limitations such as procrastination, lazyness and the giving up of self-responsibility that goes along with living on Earth.

An invitation to support yourself from self limitation to self-discovery:

Desteni Website, join the forum at http://forum.desteni.org/
Free Online Course Desteni I Process Lite, guided by a buddy at http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/