Day 151: One Year

 

Acceptance, of everything in my life, of everything that is here, without exception. One year has passed since I last wrote in this blog, and I can see a bit of change, then I have to continue with more blogs. I have written in other blogs in the meantime like this one. 

I have been listening to Osho talks, specifically the audiobook called 'The Buddha Said' which coincidentially is the title of last blog entry I wrote here one year ago. Finally I have reached what the Buddha said lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that once one reach the point of nothingness - one has to build oneself as that wich is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate 'nothingness' with 'idleness' when that is not it in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even if I have reached anything at all, I should keep writing blogs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that no one 'makes it' in this life until All 'make it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that what matters is this physical 'matter'/world and not any special feeling of grandiosity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stop when I reach the point of nothingness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I don't program myself to do what is Best for All at all times - then there is no use but abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is a point where I can 'sit back and relax' about the things such as blogging and vlogging which are supporting many and should not be stopped

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am capable of daily writing no matter how I feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am already programmed to write every day as the habit I have created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that anythings that fucks with my blogging or vlogging should be destroyed/vanished

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have reached nothingness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I had reached nothingness I would immediately stand for what is Best for All - all other behaviors are of Ego and not the point of nothingness in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I ever reach the point of nothingness I will be blogging and vlogging more and not less

I commit myself to continue vlogging and blogging as much as I can

I commit myself to remind myself that something is off if I am not vlogging and blogging as much as I can

Day 150: The Buddha Said

The title is from a book by Osho. He never wrote a book, he simply talked and recorded that into audios.

I was listening to a song, the lyrics said 'tell me what to do' and it remided me of myself, when I thought that some other person might know better tham me, for example a brother slightly oder, like if that difference made a - well - difference

I don't know if this will reach many, but it is not important

Today I want to do some random self-forgiveness, or maybe on the uncertainty of 'making it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make it in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to gain recognition while I am alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feed my ego by having recognition.

I forgive myself that IH ave not accepted and allowed myself that it might not be my peers that get the message, but the future generations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe instant gratification means anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not good enough if I don't get feedback on my writings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I might not get any form of recognition in this life, but still this doesn't mean that I can leave an important message for the beings to come

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that recognition i useless

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that changing the world doesn't endow one with any recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work towards a world that is Best for All unless I get recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that wanting recognition is Ego

Day 149: Normal, Good Life

I know who I am, I stand up for the abused whenever I have found myself in a situation where there was someone being abused, it is normal to me.

I know that I stand up for the abused because I have seen this in real time of myself. It is normal to me.

I deserve to do all that I want in my life because I know whenever there is abuse I stand up for it/the abused.

Life has to be easy for me and everyone else, natural like breathing.

We all have to thrive and it has to come natural to us, like breathing.

We all have to find that which we enjoy and do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am a cool guy because I stand up for the abused.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see my value that I stand up for the abused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I deserve to live a good life because I care.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I should live a good life because I care for people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself instead of considering myself as worthy of a worthy Life.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am worthy of a worthy life.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to live a worthy life because I care.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am intolerant to abuse whenever I come face to face with it.

Day 148: Who am I

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to live the word perfection instead of doing my best in every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be perfect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that perfection does not exist as it is dependant on every individual perspective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be able to do everything perfectly instead of doing my best in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to attract attention of others by doing something unusual/bold

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't need to do anything outrageous in order to have attention from others, they can simply hear me for who I am 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to do something outrageous or dangerous to get attention from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to not see that I am important with or without attention form others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to want attention from others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed mysel to see that I can get attention for who I am not for what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that who I am is more important than what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not enough and therefore want to get attention for what I do/have instead of for who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at who I am, instead looking at what I do or  have

Day 143: Do Something Every Day

 

I realized today, to change effectively I can do something every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the power of accumulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the power of accumulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not  see, realise and understand the power of accumulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the equality equation of 1+1 =2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that what I do can accumulate to greater change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty by not accumulating what is best for all every day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysel for beating me up for apparently not doing what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that whatever I did in the past led me to where am I now so I should be careful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be proud of myself

I forgive myself that I have acdcepte and allowed myself to put myself down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysel to believe that if I am not manic I cannot be my best self

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be grateful for everything I have done as it has allowed me to be and become what I am now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe process has to look a certain way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that thinking process have to be a certain way is judging it and myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that having an idea of how process is is just an idea and not real¨

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have the right idea of how process should be, when in fact I have no idea

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn about how process should be instead of going with the flow

Day 142: Act Now

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for something to act, as in poverty or riches

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that waiting is waiting and there is no excuse for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the simplicity of everyone being supported to have their best life possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not act in every moment in a way that is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I act and we act nothing will be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless we do something nothing will be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the system that is running will continue to run until annihilation of all possible life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that we can unite to get change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that waiting is the root cause of change NOT happening

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, that the fact that I have a job doesn’t make me protected from an uncertain future, as many have at the present moment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that unless I stand as an example of what is possible many will not be able to stand up because of it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that many will not be able to stand up if I fail to stand up in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am one, yet everyone finds themselves at the same position, being one, so it is only natural that if I stand up many other ones will do the same

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can do so much that I yet don’t know because I have not put myself to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my creative potential because I have not yet put myself to do all that I can for equality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am capable of so much more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have to act whenever I see I can act, without postponing or waiting

Day 141: Worker Thinking and Money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a worker

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can also be self employed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will always be an employer/worker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by defining myself as a worker

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can start my own business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all I can be is a worker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that all I can be is employed for someone

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can work for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a slave

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a slave

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am not a slave

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior when it comes to making money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe money can be made through working for someone else only

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not required to work for someone else for money/I can work for myself for money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a work/no work polarity of good and bad.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can work for myself

I commit myself to remind myself that to work for myself I will have to work for myself/build self discipline

I commit myself to remind myself that I am only that which I accept and allow e.g. slave

I commit myself to remind myself that it is never too late to stop being a worker/slave

Day 140: Sacrifice = Investment

Sacrifice is in reality an investment. Giving up something for something better. We should all consider investing in Equality for All, as it has the best ROI (return on investment) possible, ever, for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that sacrifice is needed in order to obtain anything of value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sacrifice believing that I will not get anything in return if I do sacrifice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make sure I get something in return BEFORE I make the sacrifice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that sacrifices have to be unconditional for them to work.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the fact that a sacrifice is unconditional is because results are never guaranteed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want guaranteed results.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that nothing in this life is guaranteed, except death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I understand how sacrifice works = I will not see that it is in fact a simple investment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to decide to invest in Life and Equality for all - and Equal Rights

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and undertand that the best investment there is = is Equality for All

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that sacrifice is another word for investment, they are interchangeable words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my investment for Equality will not have returns - instead of investing unconditionally - as I see it is the only possible way.

Day 139: Effort Understood

What is effort? When I dont know how to do something, it takes a process to learn it, it can take effort - and when I know how to do something, doing it can also take effort. Some things like play, lets say using a unicycle, it takes effort to learn, but if I enjoy it then it doesnt look like effort, so it all boils down on if I want to do something or if I do it because of survival for example, like a job. Changing the world will take effort, of course, but even the butterfly in its metamorphosis, that takes effort, yet it is inevitable and vital that it takes place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear effort, doing effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that everything takes effort that is worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the effort that my physical body does every breath to keep me alive.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is worth it to put effort to change myself and the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that repetition as effort is needed sometimes, many times, to produce a result

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that consistency is needed in order to produce a result, which takes effort.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that consistency is key

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the domino effect is real

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that movement it is not seen in the domino effect while the pieces are being placed and only in the end you can see movement when one piece is pushed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the usefulness in the domino effect, where pieces can push other pieces up to a half bigger than them, in a geometrical progression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am in fact a piece on a domino effect-like situation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless I push, as in a piece of the domino that is pushed - there will be no movement of the domino pieces

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless I stand for what is best for all, me and many other individuals will not stand because of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that being an example is so important because without it nothing is possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid effort, not seeing, realising and understanding that in doing that I am avoiding reward as result

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge effort as difficult

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to appreciate the effort that nature does to keep this planet alive and the effort that humans have to do that are in poverty to survive

I commit myself to make an effort in reminding myself that everyone and everything is making an effort on this Earth  -- to make an effort for what is Best for All on Earth

I commit myself to remind myself that any effort that I do - is equally done by many other parts of the Earth system and inhabitants

I commit myself to show that any effort that one does is not more or less but Equal to Lifes effort to thrive on this planet

I commit myself to remind myself that I simply have to join in the Lifes effort by doing my part

Day 138: Wich Way is The Way

Learning is the way, that is for sure, and, at some point unlearning as well, because if what I am doing is not working it means that I have to learn something new, and maybe at the same time unlearn something old - and apply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being successful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unsuccessful through judging myself through false standards

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not celebrate my life by judging it as unsuccessful through judging it with false standards

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that money is not the only measurement of success

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I change the way I see myself I will keep judging myself - thus limiting myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the opportunities that I have in my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless I stop judging myself I will not be able to see the opportunities that are available for me, right in front of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how self judgements are self limiting/limiting my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am in a far better situation than I believe

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that beliefs about myself are also a limitation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the belief that I am not successful is not true

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I have done nothing to have x amount of money, then I will not have x amount of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have x amount of money instead of doing something to get x amount of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure for having X amount of money instead of seeing that it is impossible I have Y amount of money if I do nothing to have it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that limiting beliefs are limiting indeed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am isolated

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am free, free to change all that I dont like or want to change or improve of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I apply common sense in my life, nothing will make sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do what I have proven myself to work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about others´ judgements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give importance to others judgements, opinions and sayings about me and what I do

Day 137: Less is More

NOTE: I wrote this on Dec 10, 2021, but didn't publish it, until now.

 Nine years have passed since I wrote in this blog, and I am happy to write here again. I am older and (maybe) wiser but also I might have had a different spark back in the times I was 22. I am 31 now. 

Back then I had a wish, that things would change. And things have changed, for the worse. I am talking on an existential level, here on Earth, things are getting worse. And I see that I can't do much about it other than starting with myself. This has also been the point, self first, and here I am. It's 1:26 at night and I can't go back. I can't go back to when I was 22 and coerce myself to change, it is in every moment that I have to change.

I have been obsessed with change, but what is it really? When all on the outside collapses. When there is only me left with myself in my bed at night, with unrest for what I could be doing, so much more than what I have done. 

But there - I was going to say that there is hope - but there is no hope, there must be no hope, because hope has mantained me in a way of inaction, not changing myself hoping for a better future. It doesn't work this way. 

At the moment I see myself so insignificant but it doesen't have to be this way, I have kept writing blogs on two other blogs that I have kept, astudentsjourneytolife and bipolarsjourneytolife. I skipped the students' journey to life because I thought I was no longer a student - and could do a better job at walking the bipolars journey to life. As I was saying, it doesn't have to be this way. I feel insignificant because I believe I have no relevance, and I believe I have no relevance but yet this message will reach someone so I will go to the facts:

We are fucked - and this is not a negative message. There is no way out - and this is not a negative message - but only one, to do what is Best for All. And I believed that by merely keeping alive I was doing a favour to someone - that is not true. It is not true because by merely surviving, nothing will change. It is time to create - a world that is Best for All. 

And this is what frustrates me - but why - because the world is not Best for All. Then I should start with myself - push myself to become the best version of myself. That is why I am writing now, not to cry, not to rant and rave about how fucked we are, but there is a way out, remember? Yes, no matter what I do I cannot escape from the consequences of my actions, and so everyone else - from consequence.

So in the meantime, while the world goes to shit, we are doing like Nero, singing with a small harp while the city burns down to the grown, but withdraw the R, remove the R from Nero and you get Neo - the matrix is real and the red pill is real too. Still have to change the world though - but in the meantime I will recover first from taking the red pill - which is when Neo is in a way reborn in the movie -- I am walking my 7 year journey to life to be born again in the pysical, to stop the mind.

I still remember the first time I realised I could talk in my head, to curse and say whatever I wanted, as a little child - it was precisely when my dog was put down and I was very angry, then my mind activated and voilà it was running like a perfect machine - but it can be unplugged. Check out Desteni.org and the blogs, 7 year journey to life blogs, and start your own so that you can show as proof the process you walked and where you stand, because in times of trouble no one will know = who to trust.

7 Year Jorney to Life on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife

My blogs

https://bipolarsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

https://astudentsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

Enjoy

Day 136: Superstar

The reason why I am so effective at the moment lies in what I've done for the past entire life, so since I was 17 and you can check here in this blog Day 111: Paranoia of Failure and specifically Day 112: Paranoia of Failure - Part Two " I did not "have the courage" to live out my desires/self-interest and suppressed it, but continued to not take responsibility for myself just in case 'I get to live that'. So I did not immediately go and live out the desire, but wait in hope that maybe possibly at some point in the future I can live them."

Not to say that I am any different than you, or do what I did, each has to walk from where they are.  I am the same as you as Life, as One and Equal as Life. I simply have been more close to my being from deciding to not only not go far away from my being but in fact remain very close, only separating by my addiction to Energy and not wanting to take responsibility for stepping up from there to Living my Utmost Potential, that is the part I am starting to walk now in Self-Perfected group on Facebook. Join me in my journey and understand the importance of blogging/vlogging. My Youtube channel 'What Has Blogging Done for Me'

You can also check for reference my other blog to see how I have changed: bipolarsjourneytolife.blogspot.com and my very first blog started in April 2008 iamruben.blogspot.com

Read these outloud if you dare to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  become addicted to energy.

I forgive myeself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become like a demon that feeds of energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there is more to Life than participating in Energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if anyone can do it I choose to be the one that stands up first if no one else will

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that if the world has to change it doesn't matter who pushes the button, me or anyone else, and that if no one else does, I will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that where am I now is a direct consequence of what I have done with my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I've been redpilled and I should really consider stepping up to the game and stand up for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand my untapped potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that hey, this is Real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that once I say my first self forgiveness statement there is no going back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that no matter what, I will prevail.

Whenever I see I participate in any form of energy, I stop and I breathe, I earth myself as I let go of the addiction to energy.

Day 133: Giving 100%

A moment ago I did a live video on facebook about why I am commited to give 100% and now it feels like I am empty inside - which is different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being empty as difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysel to want to feel energy moving inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stop because 'I am not feeling anything'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am still Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see, realise and understand that feelings don't matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my inner experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that experience may not be real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not feeling anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I cannot stop for a feeling or lack of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see that I have to walk despite of everything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need a motivation to move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see that I can move myself by principle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect a reward for standing up for Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see that in fact it might feel worse to stand up for Life, meaning, uncomfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up because 'I don't feel anything'

I commit myself to remind myself I have to walk no matter what

I commit myself to support my physical body

I commit myself to remind myself to breathe

I commit myself to walk no matter what.

Day 132: Life as Death

 

Death is so final and all encompassing that why should not I live life the same way? Meaning, absolutely, definitively, to the utmost degree of effectiveness. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live in a way to create the utmost degree of effectiveness in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can stand absolute within this one life I have been given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I stand up for myself, I never will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I am actively working hard on improving myself I won't be improved as the programming that I currently have must be transcended before I can program the new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise or understand that I am the very thing that will make me rise or fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my past for not standing up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make all kinds of excuses to not stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself in a way that I don't have to take responsibility for myself ever - instead of challenging all self beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my self-beliefs are real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I change, I will not change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that we are not here to fuck around.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to honour myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that who I am now is not who I really am - otherwise I would not have a preprogrammed/programmed mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the potential I have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that it is up to me to decide to unlock my utmost potential

I commit myself to investigate and apply my utmost potential

I commit myself to push myself to be and become the best version of myself

I commit myself to take Life like Death is, ruthlessly, definitively, All-Encompassing, effectively - applying myself to live this while I am alive.

Day 130: Shame of the Past

Yesterday a friend wanted to watch a movie about USA's punk rockers that did a bunch of drugs, this is not exactly my past but I resonated a bit with at times wanting to get away and party too much, and I was not proud, how could I have been so foolish? Now I relish any time I have left from work to apply myself, to better myself to self-perfect -- but I realize it is a process and now I can say I can close that door for good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost say 'fuck you' to the system and do whatever I want to do in terms of partying

I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time partying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the self-sabotage in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe partying hard is cool

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to party hard

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that 'partying hard' is self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that partying hard is yet another form of distraction from self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that no matter how good the party is, there is no party until all can party

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have not to judge me for having partied, but simply to realize to not repeat the past mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that me believing I am not ready for change is simply another excuse to not have to stand up for myself and change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am ready for change, and have been for a while, but I simply didn't give myself permission to do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can stop whatever it is that is a distraction in a single moment

I commit myself to remind myself that I allow myself to change

I commit myself to remind myself that I am ready to change

I commit myself to remind myself partying hard is in fact dangerous

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to be responsible for myself and for All

I commit myself to remind myself that doing whatever it is other than all that I can to change self and the system is in fact self-sabotage.

Day 128: ConceptIOn

Initially wanted to name this blog 'Pregnant' but I do not want to be misleading. I am not in a relationship where she is pregnant, no, as I am writing this I am riding to work and I was semi asleep when a strong sense of 'I am pregnant and I am not doing anything' arose. So I asked myself, where is this coming from? And it is funny because I have put myself a timeline of 8 - 9 months to start my business. But the business is not what came up when I asked myself the question of where this came from, it was more about Me - where I am in the process of letting go of the old me to, yes, birth a new me so to speak - the business is merely a side effect of my new direction. The part 'and I am doing anything' arose because with me right now I have a laptop and about two hours, and was not doing anything useful with it. So this blog to mark the start of my newfound care for myself. 'Concept I On' - or 'I am on a concept' as this all is still bsut a blueprint that I have to live and even the blueprint is in the design stage.

Self Forgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself as my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to utilise all the available time to support myself and train.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I don't support myself effectively I will not be able to go through with my plans.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I need all the time I can to support myself - so use all available free time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that for something to move I have to push, or pull, for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can enjoy the process of creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that with enjoyment things are easier even if hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the hidden ingredient in hard as enjoyment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to express myself as myself in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread doing anything I deem as hard as I judge and believe it has to be painful, painstaking and that I won't enjoy it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can enjoy doing something that is so called hard to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can live the word focus.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can live the word direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I will not stop for anything in my process of change, so may as well enjoy what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't have to fight something that I deemed as hard, simply is something that requires focus, being direct, and discipline - it does not mean that I will suffer or that I will take pain from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to fear/resist doing stuff that I judged as hard as in my definition of hard there was pain, suffering and this is not how it is as hard merely means requiring focus, direction and discipline.

Day 110: No One Can Stop Me But Myself

Continuing on Day109: Back to Busy-ness, I will expand doing self forgiveness on the following realization: I cannot give up on myself because I have no one else to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself by not writing the blogs whenever I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself whenever I use excuses to not direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself whenever I don’t believe in myself/trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take care of myself by not writing about whatever it is that ‘is bothering me’ at the end of my day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself through writing blogs consistently every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to write a blog every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake when writing a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when I fear to make a mistake writing a blog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust my words, written or spoken.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to motivate myself to go out of my comfort zone and do the very things that I resist doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is comfort in procrastination and inactiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that no one can prevent me from writing but myself.

Whenever I see that I am dwelling in the perceived comfort of procrastination, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the experience is not real, but an energy-stimulated experience that is irrelevant to anything real – thus I commit myself to immediately move myself to snap out of the ‘comfort zone’ and instead go into the ‘challenging zone’ where I move past my own perceived limitations.

Whenever I see that I am giving up on myself by not directing myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that every breath counts, so I must make the most of it. I commit myself to utilize my time on earth to my utmost potential within each and every breath.

Whenever I see that I put up excuses to not write a blog in a day, I stop and I breathe. I realize that using excuses reveals that I am not being self-honest. I commit myself to whenever I see I am making up excuses, evaluate in self-honesty whether I can practically in space-time write a blog or not and act accordingly.

Whenever I see that I doubt myself when writing or when I am about to write a blog, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have no other way but to trust myself that I can write an acceptable blog. I commit myself to trust myself in writing daily.

Day 108: Why Did I Not Start the Blogs on Paranoia of Failure

About a year ago, some of us started with a series about 'Paranoia' which you can read more about in the many JTL blogs/vlogs. In my case I choose to do Paranoia of Failure because of my experience with Failure.  I did not start at the same time and until now I have not adressed it. Why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure?

The first thing that comes up as a reaction is an excuse - that I was studying/doing exams -- but I have had many hours and days where I had the time to write the blogs on paranoia of failure and yet I did not. If time was not a problem, why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure? Because then I would have to change. If I expose and unravel how I participate in the point of Failure from the starting point of self-interest, then I will have to stop it, or otherwise I will be exposed as abuser - and therefore its 'easier' to simply not investigate the point.  Also, I would have to take responsibility for myself and change. I start today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, so that I don't have to change by taking responsibility for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep participating in the point of paranoia of failure so that I don't have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delve in self-complacency by continuing to not take responsibility for the point of paranoia of failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to not take responsibility for myself despite knowing what to do - thus being deliberate.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider myself or others in not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living in self-deception by not investigating the patterns of failure that I participate in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can avoid taking self-responsibility by not looking at the points that I have created to not have to take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'trap myself' by not investigating and changing and instead continuing to participate in the points of paranoia of failure - to not have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself within the point of paranoia of failure.

I commit myself to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, and take responsibility for myself within what I find.

I commit myself to correct myself practically within the points of paranoia of failure so that I stop my limitations and instead live in a way that I can develop my utmost potential.

Day 104: The Old Self Must Go

To 'Burn my old self' - As it is Not Real in the first place.

My 'old self' are all the patterns/behaviours that I participate in that do not take into consideration me as a responsible human being nor take into consideration all other life. I've seen how, I have kept repeating the same mistakes/behaviours that are not assisting or allowing myself to expand myself in my responsibility to care for all life - including myself in the first place. It takes a process of 7 to 14 years to de-construct the old self - which is why I am writing this blog as a proof and written record of what I am doing that can also assist others in their respective Journey to Life because essentially we are all the same - yet with different points that we are walking/ in different life experiences on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless I stop and change myself, I will continue to live and do as my old self/ as I did in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for who I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on stopping my old self with the tools at my disposition by judging it as 'too much'. Within this - I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that because I have created and accepted and allowed myself to become who I am at the moment = I can also take it apart, delete the old self and build up myself again in self-integrity.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the common sense that unless I stop myself in every moment = I am allowing my old self to continue.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate what/who I have become - in fear of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that unless I investigate who/what I have become = I am powerless to change me.

Whenever I see that I am about to participate/am participating in patterns of my old self and not direct myself effectively in common sense, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to stop myself in every moment because my old self will not simply go away by itself, I have to stop it because I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in it until now.

Whenever I see that I am judging myself/judging 'my old self' - I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is not to take it personally but to understand, forgive, and let go of the points. I realize that what/who I have become won't be pretty/a nice thing to witness - yet dealing with it and stopping it is the best thing to do because after I am done with it - it will no longer exist - and life can be born from the physical.

I commit myself to put it my all into walking my process of change.

I commit myself to apply myself in doing all the neccessary actions to stop my old self within the realization that 'I remain' and only what is not real can ever go away/disappear.

I commit myself to continue walking until my old self no longer exists.


To be continued in the next post

Check out this Free Online Course where you'll learn essential Life Skills: Desteni I Process Lite

Day 100: A New Day

3 months ago I was writing the post for the day 99, today I was about to write a new post and saw that I must continue with the big 3 digit number post. The post number 100 is a good opportunity to review my Journey to Life so far, but this is not how I expected day 100 to be. One does not plan to not write, or at least it was not my plan. The last 3 months I started university and used this as an excuse to not write. It is not that I did not have the time. I was hinding from myself - wich I can't really do - how could I hide from myself? lol I can't escape from me.

 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to hide from myself with the justification of having to study, even if I know I have time for both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let time go by without directing myself to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can hide from myself in not moving myself to write.

Whenever I see that I want to hide from myself by utilizing excuses to not write, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I can't run/escape from myself/self responsibility, so I take myself back Here and assist/support myself in writing when/as possible in self honesty.

Whenever I see that I am 'letting time go' without directing myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I must take decisions to move myself to support myself because no one is going to or can do it but myself, and within the realization that once time goes by I cannot take it back.

I commit myself to direct myself whenever I 'catch me' wasting time.

I commit myself to keep walking my process for me in writing whenever/as I am able to within my participation in my studies.