Day 156: When No One is Watching?

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave different when I am alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that everything is known at All times

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be entertaining if someone is watching when I am alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to live for others instead of for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am destined to fail

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself to fulfill my prophecy - self fulfilled prophecy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I should not change my behaviour when I am alone or if I think someone is watching

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a big deal of what I do in my life

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any money

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I am one amongst billions

I forgive myself that I have acceepted and allowed myself to have a worldview where I am central

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I can create a good life for myself and support others as well

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see that I come first

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others that I regard as more than to plan my life

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see falling for behavior addictions is giving up

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I can stand up for myself and for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not redirect my energy into creativity instead of destruction/addiction

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of my living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be greateful for my past that thanks to it I am where I am now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I can be and become much more than what I think I can

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge awareness living as heavy and difficult when it is not so in fact

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I will be ok

I commit myself to remind myself that living with awareness is best

I commit myself to remind myself autopilot living is not good

I commit myself to breathe and be aware of breath as much as possible

I commit myself to practice integrity - doing what's best even when 'alone'

Day 155: When Not Loving the Past

Sometimes I am a bit annoyed - that's the word - when I am observing the past or what 'has just happened' because I don't like it, I judge the past, immediate or late past. Then I realize, hey, the past that 'just happened' has lead me to be here where I am now, where I have 'immense power' to change, to create my future in the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist to my past, immediate or distant past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be grateful for all my past happenings and experiences as they led me to where I am now - where I can create anew

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand all that happened to me has led me to where I am now, capable of change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see it is up to me to say 'enough is enough' to whatever it is I dislike of my past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that it is up to me to in every breath bury the old and birth the new

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the 'lessons' from the past will be enough when I decide they are enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the power in the word decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that from the shit grows the plant - thus my past can be however it is but I can make it grow into a beatiful life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not rejoice at where I am now - always clinging to the past that I cannot change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not  see, realise and understand I will stop reacting to my past when I decide and see it made me arrive where I am now - and for that I am grateful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that change is a decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it will be too difficult to change everything of me - not seeing, realising and understanding one can do everything one breath at a time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself for my past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I must be grateful to my past  as it made me arrive where I am, no matter how dark and ugly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my past instead of forgiving it and letting it go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I can change the future doing what is best in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I am capable of being and becoming the best version of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that without accepting the future, forgiving and forgetting - I cannot create the future that is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I can do, be and become so much more than what I am currently doing and experiencing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not immediately forgive and forget the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control the future instead of focusing on Here and being flexible with whatever happens, that in turn can be blessings in disguise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and forgive and forget my past

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see the joy that comes with accepting my past

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand it is not how many times I fall but how many times I stand up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cycle my falls, repeat them instead of learning, changing and letting go

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I don't have to repeat my past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the power of change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that repeating the past is a decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not decide what is best for All - and thus for me - in every moment of breath

Day 154: I Am Here

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live with the autopilot not realizing I Am Here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this ‘being here’ has always and will always be 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don’t have to be ‘the best’ meaning giving the best conversation or other superlative, but simply be me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is fine being silent instead of wanting to be ‘more’ and ‘the best’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have an effect with my words instead of sharing myself unconditionally or having lighthearted talk

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too serious

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my words will have a grandiose outcome instead of simply sharing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is best to be silent than to rant and rave

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the problem is thinking about the self - without the self there is no problem

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a powerful grandiose self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see I don’t have to ‘save the world’ - and it is impossible too

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this burden upon myself of wanting to save the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose to me the burden of guiding or saving others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am a savior instead of seeing I can only ever be an example

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can become an example, and that’s it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my own living will be the living example that I want others to have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be an example unto myself - for myself and others

Day 153: Fame Made Me Stupid

 I don't know if famous people feel it or notice it but the day I did a stand-up at a bar that went well, that night my friend beat me at chess a bunch of times, I was definetly distracted and could understand how famous people go weird some times.

When there is equality there are no special ones because everyone is special.

I am one, you are one, 1+1=2, not 1+1=0.75 or 2.5. So you can work out for yourself equals - that doesn't mean the same.

The most radical of all, the equality equation. And lets end Hollywood 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be famous

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stand up for myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how shitty some people have it 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change whenever I perceive I have many eyes on me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see,  realise and understand it is not about how many people 'follow/listen' to me

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be noticed

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to plan my life in my head instead of being grateful of what life offers me

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use fear as an excuse to not perfect myself in self honesty

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe I should get the attention of peers

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to link being liked to survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tie self worth to the attention I get 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link attention to money 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to be rich 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I am not rich is because I am not ready

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it takes action to be rich/wealthy

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself instead of supporting myself

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not walk the talk

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my situation fully, no matter how difficult it gets

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself with backdoors to my plan

I commit myself to close all backdoors to my plan 

I commit myself to either change the plan or stick to it unconditionally - no backdoors

I commit myself to be self-honest 

I commit myself to value what I have instead of resisting my situation 

I commit myself to be open to whatever happens 

I commit myself to embrace myself fully no matter where I am or what happens

I commit myself to embrace every situation as an opportunity

I commit myself to disregard fame and be true to myself at all times always 

I commit myself to be self-honest no matter how much money I have 

I commit myself to support myself to be aware in every situation 

I commit myself to watch my mind and direct myself to correct it effectively in every breath

Day 152: For Better or Worse

I have a small tattoo of a triangle in my left arm, its connecting three freckles. My friend that did it said it means that 'always in life you can choose for better or worse'

Indeed in life we have to choose what to do and the only recommendation is to choose what is best for You within what is best for All.

My tattoo triangle is a 'Right triangle', if you look from the base, there are two options, either one line up - at a 90° angle- or only a point -you are stuck-.

So lets decide the best for us an everyone else, and correct ourselves without fuss if we choose unwisely some time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see,  realize and understand that I am free to choose what is Best for All every time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that being able to choose what is Best for All every time is true freedom

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don't need consequence to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can make it easier for me by not choosing consequence paths and instead choosing what's Best 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there will always be consequence, so it's best to create the best consequence every time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myseld to not see the simplicity of choosing what is Best, even if it's difficult- at some point it will be natural 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not choose what is best

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myseld to avoid things I perceive as difficult instead of seeing that they will get easier in time 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that, like studies, its difficult until you master something 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself from taking the decisions that are Best

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don't have to be a genius to choose whatever is Best for All 

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see that even a small decision of not sleeping in but studying a little bit is choosing what's Best 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am alone and that my choices don't matter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am part of the whole and if I support myself I support the whole and vice versa 

I commit myself to support myself and thus All in my choices

I commit myself to remind myself to make decisions that are Best for All,  and thus best for me too

I commit myself to remind myself difficult is not  forever, and if it is - so be it

I commit myself to remind myself that easy and not best is the path to hell - and vice versa

Day 151: One Year

 

Acceptance, of everything in my life, of everything that is here, without exception. One year has passed since I last wrote in this blog, and I can see a bit of change, then I have to continue with more blogs. I have written in other blogs in the meantime like this one. 

I have been listening to Osho talks, specifically the audiobook called 'The Buddha Said' which coincidentially is the title of last blog entry I wrote here one year ago. Finally I have reached what the Buddha said lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that once one reach the point of nothingness - one has to build oneself as that wich is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate 'nothingness' with 'idleness' when that is not it in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even if I have reached anything at all, I should keep writing blogs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that no one 'makes it' in this life until All 'make it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that what matters is this physical 'matter'/world and not any special feeling of grandiosity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stop when I reach the point of nothingness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I don't program myself to do what is Best for All at all times - then there is no use but abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is a point where I can 'sit back and relax' about the things such as blogging and vlogging which are supporting many and should not be stopped

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am capable of daily writing no matter how I feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am already programmed to write every day as the habit I have created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that anythings that fucks with my blogging or vlogging should be destroyed/vanished

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have reached nothingness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I had reached nothingness I would immediately stand for what is Best for All - all other behaviors are of Ego and not the point of nothingness in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I ever reach the point of nothingness I will be blogging and vlogging more and not less

I commit myself to continue vlogging and blogging as much as I can

I commit myself to remind myself that something is off if I am not vlogging and blogging as much as I can

Day 150: The Buddha Said

The title is from a book by Osho. He never wrote a book, he simply talked and recorded that into audios.

I was listening to a song, the lyrics said 'tell me what to do' and it remided me of myself, when I thought that some other person might know better tham me, for example a brother slightly oder, like if that difference made a - well - difference

I don't know if this will reach many, but it is not important

Today I want to do some random self-forgiveness, or maybe on the uncertainty of 'making it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make it in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to gain recognition while I am alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feed my ego by having recognition.

I forgive myself that IH ave not accepted and allowed myself that it might not be my peers that get the message, but the future generations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe instant gratification means anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not good enough if I don't get feedback on my writings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I might not get any form of recognition in this life, but still this doesn't mean that I can leave an important message for the beings to come

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that recognition i useless

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that changing the world doesn't endow one with any recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work towards a world that is Best for All unless I get recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that wanting recognition is Ego