Day 93: Missing The Stop

I was at the bus at night and it was full of people and a bit hot inside, and I thought that the stop would be one that I know but it was an assumption since I do not usually take that specific bus. I distracted myself with opening the windows and then at some point realized it was taking too long - I had missed my stop and had to wait 30 minutes more for the bus to come round his route and pass again at my stop. 

This reminds me of me not making sure that I reach my goals by putting in the necessary work and instead hope that the reality outside will match my inner reality where I can imagine how things will be -- but reality showed me otherwise, the stop wasn't the one that I imagined would be and I missed it because I hoped that I would see the signs that indicate that the bus was approaching my stop -- but because I did not know the route beforehand, we did not pass through were I thought we would so I was clueless all the time that I had missed my stop, until we were very far from it. I could have prevented this by looking out the window and/or asking. 

On a side note, that was curious - I was talking to the driver and at some point, he said that he utilizes all the senses to drive, but the one that he uses more is the vision. I should use it more.

I forgive myselfthat I have accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions in where my stop is instead of asking or being attentive to where the bus is going through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with the windows and the air inside the bus, without being aware of the route of the bus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hope that I will see the bus stop - without putting myself to look out of the window/asking effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and and allowed myself to trust my imagination of what I thing the future will look like, instead of seeing with my eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with the people at the bus - without keeping an eye to the stops.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I see when the bus approach my stop in the assumption that the bus would take the route that I am used to during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to override the common sense that unless I look for my stop, I won't see it.

Whenever I see that I make assumptions in my mind about the future such as what the bus stop will be, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to check everything I am not certain of, that assumptions are just that - assumptions -.

I commit myself to check the facts whenever I see that I make an assumption.

Whenever I see that I hope the future having a specific outcome, I stop and I breathe. I realize that hope will not make things happen, only my actions can create the outcome, and I have to make sure that I walk the necessary actions to force that outcome.  

Whenever I see that I am distracted in irrelevant things, I stop and I breathe. I realize, see and understand that I have to see where I am going, that unless I direct where I am going I will create unnecesary consequence for myself.

I commit myself to see with my physical eyes and in common sense where it is that I am going - both in terms of my movement in this physical reality and in my future.

Day 85: True Positivity (Part Two)

Here I will start applying the Self Forgiveness and Corrective Statements and Commitments on the previous day writing Day 84: True Positivity.

'How many times have I given up, decided that my circumstances were more than what I could handle'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to participate in excuses to not stand up for myself and do the required work.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide that I can not handle my situation, without investigating and structuring my day and tasks in a feasible doable way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of what I can do and what I can't do without investigating what it is that I can do and how is it best that I do it for maximum effectiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do things instead of organizing myself practically and do stuff step by step.

Whenever I see that I make up excuses within myself to not take responsibility for myself and my world - I stop and I breathe - I realize in self honesty that I can investigate and then do what is relevant because if I 'give up' all I do then is entertain myself so, instead, I can invest the time in doing what is relevant. I commit myself to whenever I see I put excuses to not do what is relevant, stop myself and redirect myself to utilize the time to do what is important, seeing practically what I can do so that I am effective in taking responsibility for all of myself.

'I realize in looking at my situation that I have been given everything and i have given so little. Education, money, support -- all is in vain -- it is not what one has been given but what one does with it.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the support I have been given and that is available to me, starting from myself and my talents and habilities and also all the support that I can get and am getting from my world - to which I have to honor equally within the principle of giving and recieving.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to equalize myself in utilizing the support that I am given so that I am in turn I am able to also give equally.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize the opportunities that I have in terms of my position in this world so that I can have a positive effect within the principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to walk within the Principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself and others' support for granted, instead of utilizing it to support myself and support others eventually/as I am able to.

Whenever I see that I am not utilizing what is available of support for myself - I stop and I breathe - I realize that I am in a privileged position that I should really consider in taking the opportunities available to me to stand up for myself unconditionally in seeing the responsibility that comes along with having all the support that I have, to give to all others what I already have so that All can be supported equally eventually and that
If I do not do this, I will live in shame. I commit myself to stand up for myself utilizing all that I can and have to transform myself to a better/best version of myself, for me and for All Life on Earth.

To be continued in the next post.

Day 45: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 4

This Blog is a Continuation Of

Day 44: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 3

Day 43: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character - Part 2

Day 42: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 1

Day 41: Protecting The Self-Image in my Mind  

- Read for context -

One of the traits of the 'Good-but-Bad Student' or 'motivations' is: Attention. To get attention, to be noticed - in fear of being ignored and isolated. And that's exactly what happened, through my participation in this character - I have come to mostly be by on my own - but that's nother blog. Today I saw in relation to wanting to get attention, how I am spending too much time daily on Twitter. I saw it immediately when I was at the train and saw the time there and the numbers reminded me of a user on Twitter whose name is the same numbers LOL This is how I saw I was 'possessed' in a way with twitter in wanting to get attention in getting a lot of followers - basically this trait of the character of 'Good-but-Bad Student' of not getting top-marks at school in fear that then I cannot be seen as cool and in a way be popular in the class, i.e. getting attention.

Twitter thus I used as a Backdoor to keep participating in the 'Good-but-Bad Student' character by instead of taking responsibility for myself in my studies by actually studying: Distract myself in something that I perceive I get attention from - but has no real relevance, Twitter is only a means of connecting to people but it will in no way change me - that I can only do myself by taking responsibility for my studies and my life in general like I do here - correcting the fuckups and standing up walking the solutions in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by wanting attention and instead of me giving attention to me by directing myself to take self responsibility by studying: Utilize Twitter in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself attention and utilize Twitter in the hope that I will get a lot of followers and be noticed by people around me and in a way be famous and popular.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be willing to put in the time to 'be popular' and have success in getting a lot of followers in Twitter but not having willed to put in the time to study and help myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself by squandering time during my day in irrelevant tasks that are not priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'all right' and conform with having popularity in getting a lot of followers instead of seeing that A) I can't eat from twitter and B) The 'feel good' from having a lot of followers/getting followers on Twitter I created myself and only feeds the mind and characters like 'Good-but Bad Student'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work my ass off on Twitter to get a lot of followers daily instead of working my ass off in assisting myself to get through my education

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave of my mind and characters in working daily to achieve hopefully a state where everyone likes me instead of me accepting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character by working towards creating attention towards me - not giving myself attention - in separation of myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize Twitter as a back-door to not have to walk the correction of the 'Good-but-Bad Student' in not studying enough in a day due to wasting time in stuff like Twitter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself completely in investing my time in Twitter and other tasks instead of using my time to walk the correction within my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within participating in Twitter and other tasks and not walking studying effectively = judge myself as not capable to study effectively without giving me the opportunity to apply myself to the best of my ability in every moment.

I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to explore and expand myself within my studies by placing all the attention I am giving to Twitter and other no-priority tasks back to myself and my education - using my resources as time and attention to what is best for me first - in the context of what is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to put all the time I can in studying to be very successful without seeing/realizing and understanding that this will inevitably lead to frustration and anger within myself when I come face to face with reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to upgrade the character 'Good-but-Bad Student' by striving to get very high marks at school and then getting attention for it, feeding my Ego as characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the mind works in polarity and that I can jump from a negative experience to a positive one and I am still feeding the mind within my participation in Energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel good when I study - otherwise I feel bad and want to run away and do stuff like Twitter to feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get 'my fix' of energy by getting very high marks at school - without seeing/realizing/understanding that this is merely a jump from 'negative' to 'positive' experience where I keep enslaved in my mind and that most probably BEFORE I reach such a position I will have long given up because I will have ran out of Energy long before I can fill up again in getting high marks because it takes time - thus

I see, realize and understand that participating in the mind as the characters like 'Good-but-Bad Student' will not in any way help me studying because if it were true I would not find myself in the position that I am in of constant failure - thus I commit myself to whenever I see I am running projections of the future in my mind like wanting to be famous on Twitter or at School = I stop, breathe and direct myself to stick to practicality on reality Here, directing what it is that I have to do to become effective in the Real World, that is here that I can touch and not in my mind where I Loose (Illus-ion)

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am not Here directing myself Practically in every moment of breath in doing a task that will accumulate in a result that is best for Me in the context of what is Best for All = I stop, breathe and see that I am again wanting to serve the god of the Mind as characters - so I take the attention back to me in walking the tasks that assist and support me practically until I no more give my attention to false gods.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am going in my mind of projections of fame, attention and acceptance within my environment I stop, breathe and move myself to love me in doing that which is best to assist and support myself to live effectively.

I commit myself to walk within my education unconditionally in not giving up within the realization that if I give up or slack-off within myself and my education: I will have to live with that.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that I am not playing a game when I decide to not support myself - it is self-abuse, it is giving up self-responsibility and it is unacceptable to not stand up for myself when I have all the support available.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that I am being measured by what I do with the breaths that I've been given - not seeing/realizing and understanding that doing anything less than assisting myself to be able to support All Life effectively is the most honorable thing me or anyone on Earth can do - and that the time for doing that is limited and every action is consequential.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am going into fear, frustration, impatience, excuses in my mind, justifications and any other mind-movement = stop, breathe and remind myself that I can for a moment breathe here and continue in my application effectively.

To be Continued

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Artwork By: Andrew Gable  www.andrewgable.com
An Artists Journey To Life
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