Day 30: Sloppiness or Effectiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the subject being difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the teacher making the subject difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the difficulty I may find in a subject.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a forgiving teacher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a permissive teacher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘get away’ with sloppiness in my education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in slopiness within my education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the opportunities and permisiveness of teachers in the past by participating in sloppiness getting away with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness whenever I arrive late without having prepared the class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness in my education by handing homework out of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness in my education by writing papers fast and inaccurately – delivering papers full of mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness in my education by doing the homework without enough time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness within my education by not studying or not studying enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness within my education by ‘switching-off’ in my mind when I am in class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sloppiness in my education by performing tasks/procedures in practical classes without knowing what steps to take due to not having prepared the class/task/procedure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to stop participating in sloppiness within my education.

I commit myself to put myself to work in the subject I signed up to do by studying the required knowledge and procedures – saying ‘no’ within myself whenever a judgement arise and breathing and I continue applying myself within the subject wether I am at the class at home or elsewhere.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is me that makes a study subject difficult whenever I don’t prepare myself effectively to integrate the knowledge and procedures required to understand and be effectively with that subject and within this I commit myself to review what I am doing with my time whenever I see I am blaming the teacher/the subject of being too difficult and accordingly assign time and work to the subject by placing extra time and dedication to that subject – thus making it ‘easier’ for me.

I commit myself to realize that I am my own teacher and that if I accept and allow sloppiness within my application I will probably ‘slip and fall’ with my studies and have to do it over again – thus I commit myself to stop desiring a forgiving/permissive teacher as that is only an excuse to continue to ‘slip and fall’ by continuing to participate in sloppiness within my education. Within this I commit myself to whenever I see I am participating in and as sloppiness in my studies or elsewhere – stop, thake a breath and push myself to continue my application and perfect it so that the task that I am doing comes out in a way that I am satisfied that is effective and practical – that it works.

I commit myself to remain ‘here’ whenever I am in class by breathing and saying ‘no’ within myself to any thought/picture that arise – and deliberately re-conducting my attention to the class/teacher/task I am participating in the moment – physically here.

I commit myself to check the homework/tasks and knowledge I am intergating by reading the papers and checking the numbers before delivering a paper and by re-visiting in my mind or out loud or in writing whatever it is that I am studying to make sure that it is in place and that I have understood/learned/integrated whatever it is I am studying.

I commit myself to prepare myself before-hand the classes I will attend by reading and studying and practising the topics/tasks that the class will consist of so that I am effective and fluent with the topic/task as much as possible and so that I am prepared to ask questions that I have not been able to resolve or that I’d like an expansion on – making my learning more effective.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that fear – like energy – is not real and in fact a self-manipulation technique to cover up self interest thus I commit myself to investigate the self interest behind my fear of not being able to stop my sloppiness within education as it is revealing a self interest in not stopping it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to continue my participation in sloppiness within my education so that I don’t get an education and don’t have to take responsibility for myself but be supported by my parents – not having to take responsibility for myself financially and not having to take responsibility for my world.

I commit myself to delibereately stop all the points I see that I participate in sloppiness and immediately apply myself consistently step-by-step breath by breath practically in whatever task I try to participate in sloppiness - setting a flag-point for myself whenever I want to participate/am participating in sloppiness in the realization that I am trying to not take responsibility for myself/my world.