Day 154: I Am Here

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live with the autopilot not realizing I Am Here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this ‘being here’ has always and will always be 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don’t have to be ‘the best’ meaning giving the best conversation or other superlative, but simply be me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is fine being silent instead of wanting to be ‘more’ and ‘the best’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have an effect with my words instead of sharing myself unconditionally or having lighthearted talk

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too serious

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my words will have a grandiose outcome instead of simply sharing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is best to be silent than to rant and rave

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the problem is thinking about the self - without the self there is no problem

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a powerful grandiose self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see I don’t have to ‘save the world’ - and it is impossible too

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this burden upon myself of wanting to save the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose to me the burden of guiding or saving others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am a savior instead of seeing I can only ever be an example

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can become an example, and that’s it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my own living will be the living example that I want others to have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be an example unto myself - for myself and others

Day 153: Fame Made Me Stupid

 I don't know if famous people feel it or notice it but the day I did a stand-up at a bar that went well, that night my friend beat me at chess a bunch of times, I was definetly distracted and could understand how famous people go weird some times.

When there is equality there are no special ones because everyone is special.

I am one, you are one, 1+1=2, not 1+1=0.75 or 2.5. So you can work out for yourself equals - that doesn't mean the same.

The most radical of all, the equality equation. And lets end Hollywood 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be famous

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stand up for myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how shitty some people have it 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change whenever I perceive I have many eyes on me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see,  realise and understand it is not about how many people 'follow/listen' to me

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be noticed

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to plan my life in my head instead of being grateful of what life offers me

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use fear as an excuse to not perfect myself in self honesty

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe I should get the attention of peers

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to link being liked to survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tie self worth to the attention I get 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link attention to money 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to be rich 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I am not rich is because I am not ready

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it takes action to be rich/wealthy

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself instead of supporting myself

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not walk the talk

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my situation fully, no matter how difficult it gets

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself with backdoors to my plan

I commit myself to close all backdoors to my plan 

I commit myself to either change the plan or stick to it unconditionally - no backdoors

I commit myself to be self-honest 

I commit myself to value what I have instead of resisting my situation 

I commit myself to be open to whatever happens 

I commit myself to embrace myself fully no matter where I am or what happens

I commit myself to embrace every situation as an opportunity

I commit myself to disregard fame and be true to myself at all times always 

I commit myself to be self-honest no matter how much money I have 

I commit myself to support myself to be aware in every situation 

I commit myself to watch my mind and direct myself to correct it effectively in every breath

Day 152: For Better or Worse

I have a small tattoo of a triangle in my left arm, its connecting three freckles. My friend that did it said it means that 'always in life you can choose for better or worse'

Indeed in life we have to choose what to do and the only recommendation is to choose what is best for You within what is best for All.

My tattoo triangle is a 'Right triangle', if you look from the base, there are two options, either one line up - at a 90° angle- or only a point -you are stuck-.

So lets decide the best for us an everyone else, and correct ourselves without fuss if we choose unwisely some time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see,  realize and understand that I am free to choose what is Best for All every time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that being able to choose what is Best for All every time is true freedom

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don't need consequence to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can make it easier for me by not choosing consequence paths and instead choosing what's Best 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there will always be consequence, so it's best to create the best consequence every time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myseld to not see the simplicity of choosing what is Best, even if it's difficult- at some point it will be natural 

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not choose what is best

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myseld to avoid things I perceive as difficult instead of seeing that they will get easier in time 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that, like studies, its difficult until you master something 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself from taking the decisions that are Best

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don't have to be a genius to choose whatever is Best for All 

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see that even a small decision of not sleeping in but studying a little bit is choosing what's Best 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am alone and that my choices don't matter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am part of the whole and if I support myself I support the whole and vice versa 

I commit myself to support myself and thus All in my choices

I commit myself to remind myself to make decisions that are Best for All,  and thus best for me too

I commit myself to remind myself difficult is not  forever, and if it is - so be it

I commit myself to remind myself that easy and not best is the path to hell - and vice versa

Day 151: One Year

 

Acceptance, of everything in my life, of everything that is here, without exception. One year has passed since I last wrote in this blog, and I can see a bit of change, then I have to continue with more blogs. I have written in other blogs in the meantime like this one. 

I have been listening to Osho talks, specifically the audiobook called 'The Buddha Said' which coincidentially is the title of last blog entry I wrote here one year ago. Finally I have reached what the Buddha said lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that once one reach the point of nothingness - one has to build oneself as that wich is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate 'nothingness' with 'idleness' when that is not it in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even if I have reached anything at all, I should keep writing blogs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that no one 'makes it' in this life until All 'make it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that what matters is this physical 'matter'/world and not any special feeling of grandiosity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stop when I reach the point of nothingness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I don't program myself to do what is Best for All at all times - then there is no use but abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is a point where I can 'sit back and relax' about the things such as blogging and vlogging which are supporting many and should not be stopped

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am capable of daily writing no matter how I feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am already programmed to write every day as the habit I have created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that anythings that fucks with my blogging or vlogging should be destroyed/vanished

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have reached nothingness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I had reached nothingness I would immediately stand for what is Best for All - all other behaviors are of Ego and not the point of nothingness in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I ever reach the point of nothingness I will be blogging and vlogging more and not less

I commit myself to continue vlogging and blogging as much as I can

I commit myself to remind myself that something is off if I am not vlogging and blogging as much as I can

Day 150: The Buddha Said

The title is from a book by Osho. He never wrote a book, he simply talked and recorded that into audios.

I was listening to a song, the lyrics said 'tell me what to do' and it remided me of myself, when I thought that some other person might know better tham me, for example a brother slightly oder, like if that difference made a - well - difference

I don't know if this will reach many, but it is not important

Today I want to do some random self-forgiveness, or maybe on the uncertainty of 'making it'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make it in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to gain recognition while I am alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feed my ego by having recognition.

I forgive myself that IH ave not accepted and allowed myself that it might not be my peers that get the message, but the future generations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe instant gratification means anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not good enough if I don't get feedback on my writings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I might not get any form of recognition in this life, but still this doesn't mean that I can leave an important message for the beings to come

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that recognition i useless

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that changing the world doesn't endow one with any recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work towards a world that is Best for All unless I get recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that wanting recognition is Ego

Day 149: Normal, Good Life

I know who I am, I stand up for the abused whenever I have found myself in a situation where there was someone being abused, it is normal to me.

I know that I stand up for the abused because I have seen this in real time of myself. It is normal to me.

I deserve to do all that I want in my life because I know whenever there is abuse I stand up for it/the abused.

Life has to be easy for me and everyone else, natural like breathing.

We all have to thrive and it has to come natural to us, like breathing.

We all have to find that which we enjoy and do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am a cool guy because I stand up for the abused.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see my value that I stand up for the abused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I deserve to live a good life because I care.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I should live a good life because I care for people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself instead of considering myself as worthy of a worthy Life.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am worthy of a worthy life.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to live a worthy life because I care.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am intolerant to abuse whenever I come face to face with it.

Day 148: Who am I

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to live the word perfection instead of doing my best in every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be perfect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that perfection does not exist as it is dependant on every individual perspective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be able to do everything perfectly instead of doing my best in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to attract attention of others by doing something unusual/bold

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't need to do anything outrageous in order to have attention from others, they can simply hear me for who I am 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to do something outrageous or dangerous to get attention from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to not see that I am important with or without attention form others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to want attention from others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed mysel to see that I can get attention for who I am not for what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that who I am is more important than what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not enough and therefore want to get attention for what I do/have instead of for who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at who I am, instead looking at what I do or  have