Day 181: Past Giving Up

 Today at work I wanted to give up, in a moment it seemed that something break, I was ready to stop working.

If I gave up, I know the result, I lose my job and go back home, but, if I continue?

 If I choose this other path of keep going, this route I don't know where it will lead me, and to me its more interesting

So I continued the work and it came up better that I expected and the production numbers were fine

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to give up at the workplace

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see there is a point past giving up

I commit myself to remind mysel I should always take the route that is best and let go of the past and never utilize excuses to perform inadequately

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand there is nothing wrong in manual work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider giving up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand common sense which dictates that one must do what's best for all and that is it

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to stop doing work before I am done

I commit myself to remind myself I don't finish when I want, I finish when I'm done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I can build a good career at my job

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that comfort is not expression

I commit myself to remind myself the answer lies past giving up - I keep going

I commit myself to remind myself that it is always only about choosing the old or the new

I commit myself to rend myself I will never be satisfied with my life doing what I've always done - so I can choose, new beggining not repeating the past - or suffering

I commit myself to remind myself that even when I give up I immediately continue and thus open the next door 'past giving up' and keep going

Day 165: Discipline and Balance

Discipline is not banging my head to the wall, although it could be if I had set that as a goal lol, I see that discipline is doing what I said - to me or others - until I'm done. 

I see I didn't fully understand Discipline and it seemed to me it came from the outside, when it has to come 'from within/from me' for Me, as something that I use to complete my goals, commitments and agreements.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot be disciplined

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe discipline is hard

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that discipline is habit

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that whatever I allow to do in one day, I allow to do in many

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear boredom if I am disciplined

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that on the other side of discipline is what I really want in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot be disciplined with food

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot go back to be thin

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not discipline myself into being Here at all times aware

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worthy of being realized

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I don't deserve to have a good life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am sinful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a sinner

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have to be gentle and easy on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't have to have wants in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can choose whatever I want to experience in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can decide what I want to do in this life and do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that once I am dead it's too late

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand I am so hard on myself that I don't even want to want anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to experience anything in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not explore what it is that I want to experience in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that discipline is to do what I say I was going to do and nothing else 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that whatever I commit to do is what I have to do with discipline

Day 86: Don't Fall for Excuses and Justifications

There has been a month or so that I have not written here, now that I look at it I see there is really no excuse not to write, because I can see the time-allocations that were many where I could have written. This is then about discipline and this includes not letting me avoid responsibilities with using excuses. 

One of the excuses was that I had to study first and then I would write afterwards - I have then manipulated myself into not doing studying or writing, wich is absolutely not acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize excuses to not write the blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid studying and use this as an excuse to also not write the blog - without seeing that I can write my blog about why I am not studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not do my responsibilities instead of pushing myself within self-discipline to do them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize conditions to write a blog - instead of doing it wherever in the day it is possible for me to write.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop procrastinating/not doing my responsibilities with the blog and studies despite seeing what I was doing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to respect myself within directing myself in doing my responsibilities of blogging and studying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that all the days that I don't write I am sabotaging myself instead of assisting myself.

Whenever I see that excuses are coming up to not write the daily blog, I stop and I breathe. I realize that not writing is self-sabotage and that I can choose this compromise or to support me.

I commit myself to write every day.

Whenever I see that I am not studying when I should do it, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have the opportunity to support myself and that deliberately not doing it is self-dishonest.

I commit myself to study every day.

Whenever I see that I am procrastinating/not doing my responsibilities within my day, I stop and I breathe. I realize that now that I am aware of my self-dishonesty I can change it and direct myself within discipline and support myself instead.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am procrastinating/not taking responsibility for myself during my day = to change in the moment to do the task that is required.