April 19, 2012

Day 6: Fear of the Past and Fear of the Future





When I have a second chance with my studies I fear to fuck up again by not studying so I have to forgive myself for not having studied in the past and fearing to repeat it - not studying - again.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am directing myself in studying or in not studying and thus it is my responsibility wether I study or not.

I forgive myself that I have accetped and allowed myself to fear not studying again when given another opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that fearing to 'fuck up' again is accepting the enslavement to my past instead of realizing that I created the past experiences and that I can change so that I don't repeat them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on the past by looking back and fearing that I will not study again this time - instead of stopping myself, forgiving myself and walkig the correction I set for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that 'failing at my studies' is a mere indication that my application and specificity and self-direction is not sufficient and that I have to work on these points to expand myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a loser because I have failed an exam instead of realizing that it's an opportunity to expand myself in the points of myself that need to be adressed so that I am effective at the task.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept the worst possible outcome within participating in my studies  - that is not passing the course - and from here walk and apply myself to the best of my hability so that I can pass.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not apply myself with my studies so that I dont' have to take responsibility for myself. I stop this obvious self-sabotage by taking responsibility for myself by studiyng and not giving up as I realize that giving up would be again self-sabotage.

I commit myself to stop fearing the past and instead forgive myself and walk the correction required.

I commit myself to stop whenever I am judging myself as I realize that I created myslef to fail in the first place and that I am able create myself to not fail as well.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself within my studies asI realize that I don't have to pity myself for having failed at my studies in the past as I realize that it is self-sabotage. Instead I stand up for myself and walk the correction until it's done.

I commit myself to stop my starting point within my studies from not wanting to take responsibility for myself to taking responsibility for myself in aplying myself to create myself to succeed at my studies.

I commit myself to continue to apply myself if I don't get to pass at my studies and instead of giving up I utilize them as an opportunity to support myself in expanding myself.

I commit myself to live by the realization that when I fail it is an experience that I have to go through to see that which I was not willing to see about myself - the points that I was not giving attention to - and so they had to show on physical real-time events so that I stop my self dishonesty and correct myself.

I commit myself to not take personally the points where I perceive I have done wrong or failed but instead forgive myself and let go of the point and continue with my application - as I realize that it is a process and I will stumble and fall but the key is that I dont give up but continue pushing no matter what.


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