October 17, 2012

Day 39: Priority Task vs Any Task

So I started my day with doing tasks that were not prioritary, and in my mind I made up excuses like that I have time to do all the tasks. I saw how I resisted doing task number 1 in the list which is doing school work first. So with the excuses the day went on and then it was night and then I was experiencing anger at myself for allowing myself to not prioritize the tasks. I stumbled upon one of Joana's Vlog and I saw how I had missed the opportunity to see that:

The fact that I am again facing a point, like the point of scheduling the tasks like previous days means that I have to write in more detail this point, push myself further in writing. Also that from this experience of today

I see that not prioritizing/follwoing a specific order of tasks doesn't work so I don't have to repeat it in the future. I also see that I was angry because I wanted the point of scheduling and doing tasks and being directive in general to be sorted out, to somehow become effective overnight – not seeing that this is like impossible = it's too much and by expecting myself to change overnight I am being hard on myself.

Instead of being angry because stuff is not working I have to investigate where does it come from because maybe it's not only that things are not working, but that I am adding to that my frustration for wanting them to work - thus I am not reacting to the event but to an image of myself that has failed - that I tried to fulfill and the goal that is unreachable I placed it there in the first place so I created a trap for myself. The result of this trap is that I end up not doing the stuff - lol how convenient.

To be continued

Artwork: Giving up by Andrew Gable
Giving Up/In Character – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 141 http://wp.me/p2mGTf-aG

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