November 21, 2012

Day 59: Turning Off 'Dream TV'


 Today I found myself thinking of what I could do in the future within my education, and I was doing this instead of putting myself to study, to procrastinate on studying. I see I was sabotaging myself because results within studies come from accumulation of work/effort/study that produce a result that is passing and getting on with education, reaching that goal that one can think yet it's only a distraction and never the same as reality - because in reality I have to work breath by breath in detail to create results whereas in the mind it is instantaneous - thus not real (ity).


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear putting myself to work on what I see I could accomplish within my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the ridiculousness of fearing not being able to do in reality something that I can think in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to stick to a plan that I set for myself within my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can work daily and that this daily efforts will accumulate and that I don't have a direct influence on the final outcome but on it's different parts as days that I have walked that accumulate to create the end result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scaremonger myself in thinking of getting good results within my studies – without seeing, realizing and understanding the process of accumulation that it entails and that I can't have it done in one moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in thinking of getting it done in my education and then fearing to not get good results is contra-productive as I am giving up the very thing that will make the end results, which is adding up to the end result each day a bit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get through my education without having even started.

I commit myself to write a plan for myself to walk my studies effectively.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am focusing and thinking of the 'end product' or 'goal' remind myself to see and understand that I only have an effect on a given moment that I decide to work whenever I have the opportunity so that this work accumulates to the final purpose/goal.

I commit myself to motivate myself to take on my education as a challenge and not as a dull duty.

Whenever I see that I am wasting time in my mind thinking of the future within my education = I stop, breathe, and see that I am sabotaging that very future that I am trying to work out in my mind as I remind myself that good results in education come from the accumulation of work and that thus I should be studying instead of thinking in my head - thus, I move myself to study and stop thinking.

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