Day 98: Humble or Tumble

These past three days or so, I've had this sense of self of 'being good' or the best lol. Yesterday I had a check back to reality when I realised I made a very basic mistake - two mistakes, and it is because I did not check thoroughly . For example, checking how to read a new type of tool, I didn't look properly and noted a number that was lower than the real reading, or forgetting stuff outside of the fridge due to not effectively checking all the stuff I had to do - and even though I always check that the material is where it should be at the end of the work - I did not see it this time.

I heard this interview where it's said to check reality when we have believes about ourselves being magnificent - because even though we can tell to ourselves that we are good/magnificent - the physical will tell us the real story if we are self honest and look at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'talk myself' into believing I am good/the best.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not check my belief about myself of being good/the best with the feedback I get in physical reality - and seeing within myself in self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not check what I do so that I make sure that I am making things right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking questions for simple stuff.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be humble enough to check the basics of the tools I work with even though I may know how they work - to make sure I do it well.

Whenever I see that I consider myself as good/magnificent/special, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to become self-honest and see what is my physical reality showing me, and walk in common sense.

I commit myself to apply myself within humbleness in not taking for granted what I do based on the idea that I know stuff.

Whenever I see that I have inner backchat of being good/the best, I stop and I breathe. I realize it is merely a belief illusion and not real, therefore I stick to breath and being in my physical body, disregarding the talk - and write it down and forgive myself when/as I can.

I commit myself to not listen to the backchat I have with me but stop it and investigate/forgive it so that I don't delude myself into something that I am not as ego trip/possession.

Whenever I see that I fear asking basic questions, I stop and I breathe. I realize that a question is nothing personal, that I have to be able to ask any question - and I realize that if asking a question is a problem, then I have a problem that I must investigate and stop of ego. Also I should ask away, as I can widen my understanding through what others share.

I commit myself to apply myself within humbleness and ask whenever I see that I have a doubt about stuff that I should already know/basic stuff .

Day 59: Turning Off 'Dream TV'

 Today I found myself thinking of what I could do in the future within my education, and I was doing this instead of putting myself to study, to procrastinate on studying. I see I was sabotaging myself because results within studies come from accumulation of work/effort/study that produce a result that is passing and getting on with education, reaching that goal that one can think yet it's only a distraction and never the same as reality - because in reality I have to work breath by breath in detail to create results whereas in the mind it is instantaneous - thus not real (ity).


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear putting myself to work on what I see I could accomplish within my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the ridiculousness of fearing not being able to do in reality something that I can think in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to stick to a plan that I set for myself within my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can work daily and that this daily efforts will accumulate and that I don't have a direct influence on the final outcome but on it's different parts as days that I have walked that accumulate to create the end result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scaremonger myself in thinking of getting good results within my studies – without seeing, realizing and understanding the process of accumulation that it entails and that I can't have it done in one moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in thinking of getting it done in my education and then fearing to not get good results is contra-productive as I am giving up the very thing that will make the end results, which is adding up to the end result each day a bit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to get through my education without having even started.

I commit myself to write a plan for myself to walk my studies effectively.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am focusing and thinking of the 'end product' or 'goal' remind myself to see and understand that I only have an effect on a given moment that I decide to work whenever I have the opportunity so that this work accumulates to the final purpose/goal.

I commit myself to motivate myself to take on my education as a challenge and not as a dull duty.

Whenever I see that I am wasting time in my mind thinking of the future within my education = I stop, breathe, and see that I am sabotaging that very future that I am trying to work out in my mind as I remind myself that good results in education come from the accumulation of work and that thus I should be studying instead of thinking in my head - thus, I move myself to study and stop thinking.