March 18, 2013

Day 76: Self-Assertiveness in Relationships

Problem
'Social anxiety' of 'being in conflict' with relatives/friends for not calling them or congratulating them in special occasions such as birthdays.

Solution
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear relatives/friends being angry with me for not calling them on special occasions. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequences - like resentment - from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a better relative/friend if I remember and congratulate them in every 'special occasion' and that they will 'think bad' of me for not doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not call/talk to relatives/friends - instead of assessing if I want to mantain the contact or not and decide to call or not. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don't call a friend/relative on a 'special date' they will think I don't want to have a relationship with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be in a relationship with 'someone else' outside of myself such as family/friends - instead of having a supportive 'relationship' - as agreement - with myself of supporting myself - and simply stablish clear communication with others as well, one and equal in assertiveness.

Whenever I see I am getting anxious about calling a friend/relative on a special occasion, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am not better or worse for calling or not, that it does not mean I don't want to have contact with them for not calling them and that it is up to me if I call or not - and that I have to decide for myself, without paying attention to excuses.

I commit myself to whenever I am faced with calling/congratulating a friend/relative on a 'special occasion' - I assert myself whether I will contact them or not, without making assumptions of what they will think- as this is not something I am in control of.

Reward
Supporting myeslf in being assertive and direct myself in my relationships without participating in unnecessary internal conflict such as fear or guilt. Practising taking decisions about what I want to particpate in in my life. 

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Photography by Marlen V. del Razo
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