Day 76: Self-Assertiveness in Relationships

Problem

'Social anxiety' of 'being in conflict' with relatives/friends for not calling them or congratulating them in special occasions such as birthdays.

Solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear relatives/friends being angry with me for not calling them on special occasions. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequences - like resentment - from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a better relative/friend if I remember and congratulate them in every 'special occasion' and that they will 'think bad' of me for not doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not call/talk to relatives/friends - instead of assessing if I want to mantain the contact or not and decide to call or not. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don't call a friend/relative on a 'special date' they will think I don't want to have a relationship with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be in a relationship with 'someone else' outside of myself such as family/friends - instead of having a supportive 'relationship' - as agreement - with myself of supporting myself - and simply stablish clear communication with others as well, one and equal in assertiveness.

Whenever I see I am getting anxious about calling a friend/relative on a special occasion, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am not better or worse for calling or not, that it does not mean I don't want to have contact with them for not calling them and that it is up to me if I call or not - and that I have to decide for myself, without paying attention to excuses.

I commit myself to whenever I am faced with calling/congratulating a friend/relative on a 'special occasion' - I assert myself whether I will contact them or not, without making assumptions of what they will think- as this is not something I am in control of.

Reward

Supporting myeslf in being assertive and direct myself in my relationships without participating in unnecessary internal conflict such as fear or guilt. Practising taking decisions about what I want to particpate in in my life. 

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Photography by Marlen V. del Razo

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Day 73: The Task

Artwork by Maren Vargas Del Razo

The 'giving up before starting' of a task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate and postpone on starting doing a task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing at a task - and give up before starting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anxiety and stress for not doing the task I have to do - instead of doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of not doing the tasks I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a task as too big and difficult in my mind - and give up without even starting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in judgements and backchats about a task - in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my decision to walk a task in the reactions I get towards it instead of simply doing what I see is best - regardless of the resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the resistance real by acting on it by not walking the tasks I have to do that I apparently resist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the experience of resistance to do a task exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the experience of resistance towards doing a task is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat towards doing a task - diminishing my drive/will to do it more and more.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up for myself and say - till here no further - I will not accept or allow myself to act on the resistance towards doing a task.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I have created through time the reactions that I experience - thus I am able to stop them and walk them through.

Whenever I see that I resist on walking a task, I stop and breathe. I realize that the experience of resistance about the task is not real, that I created it and that I am able to stop it and walk through it.

Whenever I see that I am giving up on walking a task, I stop and breathe. I remind myself of the previous instances where I have been able to walk through this resistances and I remind myself that it they are not real.

Whenever I see that I am having judgements/backchat about a task, I stop and breathe. I remind myself that it is unacceptable to put myself down by judging the tasks or myself in the task - and so I stop the backchat and continue walking.

Day 70: The Haunting Past

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have nothing to share.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having the opportunity to make a difference for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to fuck up an opportunity to make a difference for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there will be one decision or lost opportunity that will make or break me - instead of seeing how the accumulation process works, where it is the daily accumulation of actions that amount to something - either worth or dreadful - or a sour mix.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others impeding that I access an opportunity to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to build a successful life.

Whenever I see that I am going into fear of the future I stop and breathe, I see/realize/understand that the future is built action by action and thus I have to work with what I can have an influence on so that it is the best influence possible - to expand myself.

Whenever I blame someone or something for my experience I stop and breathe. I realize that taking responsibility for creating a future for myself entails taking responsibility for what I have already created for myself in the past - so I walk the correction and stop the reactions as they arise - reminding myself that it is me that created the experience of me.

Day 69: Slowing Down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do many things in little time instead of doing things thorougly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am better if I do more things, regardless of the quality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be looked up to for doing a lot of things in little time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go faster in what I do, taking shortcuts and not knowing exactly what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I rush in doing things and finish them sooner = I have done more - instead of realizing that there is no use in finishing doing something if I have not integrated it and made sense of it so that it is of use for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the McDonalization of my life, of wanting to serve and have things delivered fast, regardless of quality or consequence.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to review how I participate within my day to see where I can improve in supporting myself.

Whenever I see I want to rush in doing things, I stop and breathe. I realize that there is no use in finishing doing something for the sake of it - but to utilize what I do to support myself - so I slow
down and see how can I support myself in what I am doing.

Whenever I feel anxious about having to do something I stop and breathe. I realize that there is no one but myself that is pressing on me to get something done - so instead I breathe and am gentle with myself in giving myself the time to complete the task as much as possible.