March 17, 2013

Day 75: Excuses to Not Write

The Problem

When faced with writing a blog, use the excuse of 'wanting it to be perfect' to then judge what I am writing as insufficient - to give up. It is a simple self-deception to be able to give up that accumulates in a lot of time lost and eroding self-trust, self-direction and self movement - all to not want to take responsibility for myself or to want to hold into some other point of self interest.

Solution

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to utilize the excuse of 'wanting the blog to be perfect' to judge what I write as 'not perfect'/'Insufficient' to then have an excuse to not write and thus give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give excuses to sabotage myself into not writing - within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself unconditionally in writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can 'give up' on myself by not writing - instead of seeing that I am merely compounding consequence for myself and that I will have to inevitably face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest innecesary consequence for myself by procrastinating/not doing a task into completion - as that makes it harder having to repeat it/start again - and waste time.

Whenever I see I want to not take responsibility for myself and instead cover it up as 'wanting to write a perfect blog', I stop and breathe.  I realize that this is merely the construct of 'wanting to to give up while looking good' and that it may 'feel good' for a moment to procrastinate - but then it doesn't pay as I don't change and still have do it all over again, with the additional difficulty of having failed in the past and knowing I have wasted time.

Reward

To support myself in writing, thus avoiding having to go into innecessary repetitions/time-loops and instead expanding, being able to do more and more effectively, being proud of myself, building self-trust and self-direction one day at a time, one blog at a time. Also, avoid unnecessary guilt/turmoil for not doing what I see I have to do in common sense to support myself - which is a self-manipulation anyway for not standing up for myself and changing.
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Art by Andrew Gable

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