Day 105: Input - Output

There is a basic premise in Math that for you to get a result, there must be something that produces the result - or else you get none, zero. Today I was working on a math problem where I missed writing a number and at the end of the excercise, instead of getting the full four answers that I expected to get, I got three - because at the beggining of the problem I only introduced three numbers instead of the four that was required. This mistake I did was a begginers mistake as I was distracted and did not check properly when applying the rules of the exercise. So what you put in is what you get out of things. Like writing blogs and studying and everything in life you give and then you receive. Jesus put it best 'Give as you would like to recieve'. Writing blogs as self support and in the way maybe possibly assisting others in their processes is very significant.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to discipline myself to write every day/as much as possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I support myself in writing and in applying myself = the more I will expand in my process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I push beyond my accepted and allowed limitations = the more I will be able to do/become/achieve in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that time is a created thing - where I can make time to do many things within my day to support myself such as writing or studying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I support and assist myself with Blogs and by walking my process - the more I will expand - within the principle of giving and recieving - giving to me and recieving from me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live Self Esteem, 'Self as Team'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me the gift of self-support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the fact that I have not lived self-support and self-esteem effectively until now is a simple begginner's mistake and that I can learn from it and correct myself for a better outcome in my life/living experience.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I create my reality and experience and my world and that living self support should manifest in all areas of my participation or else I will create an imbalance by not taking care of all dimensions/areas where i participate.

I commit myself to check and correct myself in all areas of my life/participation where I see that I am not effectively living self-support and self-esteem.

I commit myself to remind myself of my responsibility 'response hability' to deal with all the problems/issues that may arise -- as I am the creator of my experience and thus my own and only saviour/assistence in every moment of breath.

Day 98: Humble or Tumble

These past three days or so, I've had this sense of self of 'being good' or the best lol. Yesterday I had a check back to reality when I realised I made a very basic mistake - two mistakes, and it is because I did not check thoroughly . For example, checking how to read a new type of tool, I didn't look properly and noted a number that was lower than the real reading, or forgetting stuff outside of the fridge due to not effectively checking all the stuff I had to do - and even though I always check that the material is where it should be at the end of the work - I did not see it this time.

I heard this interview where it's said to check reality when we have believes about ourselves being magnificent - because even though we can tell to ourselves that we are good/magnificent - the physical will tell us the real story if we are self honest and look at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'talk myself' into believing I am good/the best.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to not check my belief about myself of being good/the best with the feedback I get in physical reality - and seeing within myself in self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not check what I do so that I make sure that I am making things right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking questions for simple stuff.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be humble enough to check the basics of the tools I work with even though I may know how they work - to make sure I do it well.

Whenever I see that I consider myself as good/magnificent/special, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to become self-honest and see what is my physical reality showing me, and walk in common sense.

I commit myself to apply myself within humbleness in not taking for granted what I do based on the idea that I know stuff.

Whenever I see that I have inner backchat of being good/the best, I stop and I breathe. I realize it is merely a belief illusion and not real, therefore I stick to breath and being in my physical body, disregarding the talk - and write it down and forgive myself when/as I can.

I commit myself to not listen to the backchat I have with me but stop it and investigate/forgive it so that I don't delude myself into something that I am not as ego trip/possession.

Whenever I see that I fear asking basic questions, I stop and I breathe. I realize that a question is nothing personal, that I have to be able to ask any question - and I realize that if asking a question is a problem, then I have a problem that I must investigate and stop of ego. Also I should ask away, as I can widen my understanding through what others share.

I commit myself to apply myself within humbleness and ask whenever I see that I have a doubt about stuff that I should already know/basic stuff .

Day 96: Studying Transformed - Part Two

by Andrew Gable

This is a continuation of Day 95: Studying Transformed - suggested to read that one first.

Also I see that I have linked 'studying' with 'not fun' when I have not really delved into studying to see if I really enjoy it or not. 

Whenever I see that I judge math, chemistry or other subjects as 'not fun', I stop and I breathe. I realize that I won't have all the answers solved in those subjects - because then 'where is the fun?' I have simply to prepare myself so that I am able to take on the challenges presented by those subjects, because if I am not prepared, then I first have to go back and prepare myself.

I commit myself to prepare myself to the extent that I can face the challenges that the subjects can pose, in the realization that unless I am prepared, it can't be fun as it can't virtually be done.

Whenever I see that I judge 'advanced math/chemistry' as 'not fun', I stop and I breathe. I realize that there is a valid point that: Unless I master the basics, I can't go into advanced. Within this, I commit myself to prepare myself by going back wherever necessary within the subjects to learn the foundations effectively to build upon it.

Whenever I see that I want studying to be easy, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I will have to endure moments wherein I'd rather give up, or where I will be 'uncomfortable' but within this I have breath to assist me in continue walking regardless.

I commit myself to breathe and push myself to master the basics of the subjects that I require to go to university, so that I can enjoy expanding them.

Whenever I see that I am judging me in relation of not knowing the subjects, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it doesn't matter that I STILL don't know the basics/master the basics -- that it is something I simply have to do - so I put myself to do it as it is the only way to effectiveness.

I commit myself to walk the basics of subjects no matter how early in my life I was supposed to have known them.

Whenever I see that I go into anxiety with regards of going to university, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have the tools to test whether I am effective at the subjects or not, and accordingly remediate it - so that I am certain that I will have a full opportunity of walking through university effectively.

I commit myself to work on the subjects that I need to master to the extent that I am certain that I can take on the subjects at university.

Whenever I see that I judge studying as a chore, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is my responsibility to study, but this does not mean that I cannot enjoy myself within it.

I commit myself to investigate all the instances where I am reactive towards my situation with studying, so that I can see what it is that I have to change to act in preventing consequences that are not necessary.

Day 72: Reward Systems Misaligned

The problem of allowing oneself to be rewarded by someone else such as parents when we do something -is that then we are enslaved to doing this something in order to be rewarded again by them - so one is in a way controlled by them or/and by the belief that we can only get rewards by doing what we have always done to get a reward. All reward should be in a form of self-satisfaction about the job done - not expectation of approval by others - but this is not easy. Our environment may very easely reinforce bad behaviours, for example giving attention to a child when is behaving in a rebellious way but don't give them attention when they do their responsibilities - and this is a problem: We must ask ourselves what it is that motivates us. We might very easely still be holding onto child rewards with a twist/only slightly changed. For example a child that was given attention in being rebellious = can continue with a life of rebelling and of not wanting to take responsibility because it is a way to get attention that may still work in getting attention. That is a problem again because there, looking at it practically, there is a limit in the ages one can allow oneself to be irresponsible with regards to the practicality of living on Earth, like when parents pay for all of the child expenses -- then suddenly this child is and adult that has to move on and find a job and - oops - the habit of taking responsibility is not established and there it goes another wrecked life or much pain and suffering. That is unnecesary.

What if we don't need external rewards? It should be all about self-responsibility, self-motivation - to be truly free. In this there is work to do because we have been so much conditioned to respond to our environment in order to get attention/reward from it that - over time -behaviours have formed that we can see are not supportive for us or others around us or the world. Behaviours die hard but as Lindsay describes in her blog - that I suggest giving a read - it is all about supporting behaviours that are supportive of ourselves and everyone else living in this planet Earth.

Most of our life, if we investigate our motivations, might very well be a chase for the next blip of attention, the next 'feel good' sensation and that, at the end, amounts to nothing, like a light bulb that shines for so long until it is gone in a moment. If we look at what it is that our current motivations have amounted to = it's a complete disgrace embodied in what we seen all around us and that is displayed daily in the news.

A good motivation to have is to instead of keep chasing external recognition, live in a way that we do not have to die in remorse but in accomplishment - having made sure that all we leave behind is  supportive of what continues to live on Earth, and this IS something real, unlike a 'feel good' sensation - an example would be leaving a world without Poverty, with real Equality.

Before facing the world problems, though, we have to go back to what make us do what we do and correct it - because by continuing doing what we have been doing = nothing will change. And this is because what we are so busy doing is supporting a system that enslaves us to continue living in the world as we see it today - and it is deteriorating further and further.

This blog will continue with analyzing behaviours that are not supportive that reinforce self-enslavement such as apathy and other disfunctional behaviours - and then correcting them and seeing the solution and reward that lays in applying the correction.

Day 45: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 4

This Blog is a Continuation Of

Day 44: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 3

Day 43: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character - Part 2

Day 42: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 1

Day 41: Protecting The Self-Image in my Mind  

- Read for context -

One of the traits of the 'Good-but-Bad Student' or 'motivations' is: Attention. To get attention, to be noticed - in fear of being ignored and isolated. And that's exactly what happened, through my participation in this character - I have come to mostly be by on my own - but that's nother blog. Today I saw in relation to wanting to get attention, how I am spending too much time daily on Twitter. I saw it immediately when I was at the train and saw the time there and the numbers reminded me of a user on Twitter whose name is the same numbers LOL This is how I saw I was 'possessed' in a way with twitter in wanting to get attention in getting a lot of followers - basically this trait of the character of 'Good-but-Bad Student' of not getting top-marks at school in fear that then I cannot be seen as cool and in a way be popular in the class, i.e. getting attention.

Twitter thus I used as a Backdoor to keep participating in the 'Good-but-Bad Student' character by instead of taking responsibility for myself in my studies by actually studying: Distract myself in something that I perceive I get attention from - but has no real relevance, Twitter is only a means of connecting to people but it will in no way change me - that I can only do myself by taking responsibility for my studies and my life in general like I do here - correcting the fuckups and standing up walking the solutions in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by wanting attention and instead of me giving attention to me by directing myself to take self responsibility by studying: Utilize Twitter in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself attention and utilize Twitter in the hope that I will get a lot of followers and be noticed by people around me and in a way be famous and popular.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be willing to put in the time to 'be popular' and have success in getting a lot of followers in Twitter but not having willed to put in the time to study and help myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself by squandering time during my day in irrelevant tasks that are not priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'all right' and conform with having popularity in getting a lot of followers instead of seeing that A) I can't eat from twitter and B) The 'feel good' from having a lot of followers/getting followers on Twitter I created myself and only feeds the mind and characters like 'Good-but Bad Student'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work my ass off on Twitter to get a lot of followers daily instead of working my ass off in assisting myself to get through my education

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave of my mind and characters in working daily to achieve hopefully a state where everyone likes me instead of me accepting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character by working towards creating attention towards me - not giving myself attention - in separation of myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize Twitter as a back-door to not have to walk the correction of the 'Good-but-Bad Student' in not studying enough in a day due to wasting time in stuff like Twitter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself completely in investing my time in Twitter and other tasks instead of using my time to walk the correction within my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within participating in Twitter and other tasks and not walking studying effectively = judge myself as not capable to study effectively without giving me the opportunity to apply myself to the best of my ability in every moment.

I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to explore and expand myself within my studies by placing all the attention I am giving to Twitter and other no-priority tasks back to myself and my education - using my resources as time and attention to what is best for me first - in the context of what is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to put all the time I can in studying to be very successful without seeing/realizing and understanding that this will inevitably lead to frustration and anger within myself when I come face to face with reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to upgrade the character 'Good-but-Bad Student' by striving to get very high marks at school and then getting attention for it, feeding my Ego as characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the mind works in polarity and that I can jump from a negative experience to a positive one and I am still feeding the mind within my participation in Energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel good when I study - otherwise I feel bad and want to run away and do stuff like Twitter to feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get 'my fix' of energy by getting very high marks at school - without seeing/realizing/understanding that this is merely a jump from 'negative' to 'positive' experience where I keep enslaved in my mind and that most probably BEFORE I reach such a position I will have long given up because I will have ran out of Energy long before I can fill up again in getting high marks because it takes time - thus

I see, realize and understand that participating in the mind as the characters like 'Good-but-Bad Student' will not in any way help me studying because if it were true I would not find myself in the position that I am in of constant failure - thus I commit myself to whenever I see I am running projections of the future in my mind like wanting to be famous on Twitter or at School = I stop, breathe and direct myself to stick to practicality on reality Here, directing what it is that I have to do to become effective in the Real World, that is here that I can touch and not in my mind where I Loose (Illus-ion)

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am not Here directing myself Practically in every moment of breath in doing a task that will accumulate in a result that is best for Me in the context of what is Best for All = I stop, breathe and see that I am again wanting to serve the god of the Mind as characters - so I take the attention back to me in walking the tasks that assist and support me practically until I no more give my attention to false gods.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am going in my mind of projections of fame, attention and acceptance within my environment I stop, breathe and move myself to love me in doing that which is best to assist and support myself to live effectively.

I commit myself to walk within my education unconditionally in not giving up within the realization that if I give up or slack-off within myself and my education: I will have to live with that.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that I am not playing a game when I decide to not support myself - it is self-abuse, it is giving up self-responsibility and it is unacceptable to not stand up for myself when I have all the support available.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that I am being measured by what I do with the breaths that I've been given - not seeing/realizing and understanding that doing anything less than assisting myself to be able to support All Life effectively is the most honorable thing me or anyone on Earth can do - and that the time for doing that is limited and every action is consequential.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am going into fear, frustration, impatience, excuses in my mind, justifications and any other mind-movement = stop, breathe and remind myself that I can for a moment breathe here and continue in my application effectively.

To be Continued

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Artwork By: Andrew Gable  www.andrewgable.com
An Artists Journey To Life
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