Day 109: Back to Busy-ness

by Andrew Gable Artist

I was about to post a new blog entry when I saw that the last blog post was from 6 June 2014 which is more than a month ago. It is interesting how the mind works, and how the perception of self and time is not reliable at all. Let me explain. It does not feel like that much time has passed yet it has been two months. More than two months since I last wrote a blog and posted it. I am not saying that I have been writing blog posts in private and not posting them - that is not usually the case, if I have not been posting then it means that, well, I am not writing -- and this is unacceptable. It starts with one day of not writing, that then amounts to a month, two months -- it is not the first time that this has happened and it is not cool to say the least. It is interesting how self-perception is always better than our actual behaviour is in fact, -- it is like studying, I can do little things here and there and say I am studying but then if the day of the exam I don't peform well at all what does it say about my application = that it was insufficient. So it is the same with blogging, it doesn't matter what I think about anything, it is what it is, and the way to keep myself on track is to simply make sure I do my stuff and get the things done day by day. This is the topic of the blog that I wrote for today, and this was simply an epilogue to say -- I am sorry -- but not sorry for myself but simply to say that I have squandered time by not blogging and that I commit myself to from now on make sure I wrote as frequently as I can, daily if I can so that I dont get lost in self-perception self-deception.

Here the blog entry for today:

Recently I was working a summer job and I was very effective, even getting compliments from employers and co-workers ond my performance. Once back at home, it did not translate into being more effective at my responsibilities. Recently I have seen that this is because at the job I was doing, which was phyisical, doing food with my hands, selling food -- I could not afford to be in my mind and wandering off in thoughts for example, as it would cost me -- and did in fact cost me a cut in a finger for example. When I am at home, then I have to apply the same rules so to speak, to not allow myself to go into thoughts and instead apply self -discilpline in simply getting done what is necessary to be done -- and not believe that because I am not working at a job that I can afford to be in my mind  -- because as I have seen for myself, I am not effective if I allow myself to participate in my mind, entertain myself in my mind, sit down, sleep too much = I have to make things happen, get things done, and not allow thoughts, emotions and feelings to stop me - like I did at work thus proved I can do it everywhere.

This realization came up when I was with my cat, it was on my chest quite comfortable, and I realized that, the cat does not know what goes on in my mind, he knows me by my physical, my physical body -- and that is want counts,  I can not feed him, play with him or clean his bowl with my mind, all that counts I do with my body, so I cannot afford to pay attention to my mind for most of the time in a day, it does not matter, it matters what I do physically, the same thing that counted when I was working, it counts how many vegetables I cut, or how much pizza I sell -- the same with blogs, with getting anything done, it is not done in the mind as thoughts for example, it takes physical action -- thus this is how I can be more effective, by focusing on getting stuff done, and stopping the mind works that I allow to render me ineffective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself convict to the con of consciousness as thoughts, feelings, emotions  by participating in them and not doing the stuff that is required to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up excuses not to do stuff, instead of walking self honesty by doing whatever it is I can do to the extent that I can, as then I don't need  excuses any more.

Whenever I see that I am giving excuses to not do something, I stop and I breathe. I realize that giving excuses is not valid, as I have to see for myself wether I can do something or not practically and then there is no choice but do what I can do practically.

I commit myself to remind myself that excuses are not valid, and that I can do ALL that I can do, no more and no less -- thus I commit mysel f to do ALL I can do in my Journey to Life.

I commit myself to remind myself that no matter how bad and gloomy I see some task in my mind, it is not real, and that if I in common sense see that I can walk a task for myself, then I am able to do it and should do it until proven otherwise practically.

I commit myself to remind myself that feelings/emotions and thoughts are not real, that I should not base my decisions and actions on them .

Day 85: True Positivity (Part Two)

Here I will start applying the Self Forgiveness and Corrective Statements and Commitments on the previous day writing Day 84: True Positivity.

'How many times have I given up, decided that my circumstances were more than what I could handle'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to participate in excuses to not stand up for myself and do the required work.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide that I can not handle my situation, without investigating and structuring my day and tasks in a feasible doable way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of what I can do and what I can't do without investigating what it is that I can do and how is it best that I do it for maximum effectiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do things instead of organizing myself practically and do stuff step by step.

Whenever I see that I make up excuses within myself to not take responsibility for myself and my world - I stop and I breathe - I realize in self honesty that I can investigate and then do what is relevant because if I 'give up' all I do then is entertain myself so, instead, I can invest the time in doing what is relevant. I commit myself to whenever I see I put excuses to not do what is relevant, stop myself and redirect myself to utilize the time to do what is important, seeing practically what I can do so that I am effective in taking responsibility for all of myself.

'I realize in looking at my situation that I have been given everything and i have given so little. Education, money, support -- all is in vain -- it is not what one has been given but what one does with it.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the support I have been given and that is available to me, starting from myself and my talents and habilities and also all the support that I can get and am getting from my world - to which I have to honor equally within the principle of giving and recieving.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to equalize myself in utilizing the support that I am given so that I am in turn I am able to also give equally.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize the opportunities that I have in terms of my position in this world so that I can have a positive effect within the principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to walk within the Principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself and others' support for granted, instead of utilizing it to support myself and support others eventually/as I am able to.

Whenever I see that I am not utilizing what is available of support for myself - I stop and I breathe - I realize that I am in a privileged position that I should really consider in taking the opportunities available to me to stand up for myself unconditionally in seeing the responsibility that comes along with having all the support that I have, to give to all others what I already have so that All can be supported equally eventually and that
If I do not do this, I will live in shame. I commit myself to stand up for myself utilizing all that I can and have to transform myself to a better/best version of myself, for me and for All Life on Earth.

To be continued in the next post.

Day 81: What's in a Task? (Part Three)

Self-Correction Statements based on the previous posts 'What's in a Task?'. Suggested to read: Part One and Part Two

Whenever I see that I am thinking about doing a task in my mind, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am sabotaging myself by making the task be 'more' in my mind than what it really is - in order to have an excuse to not do it. I understand that giving up because of thinking that that a task is too much is judging myself without giving myself the opportunity to do the task - as I can only prove to myself that I am able to do something by doing it.

Whenever I see that I am participating in impatience before doing a task, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am only able to do what I can do in one breath and while in my mind I can see a task done in a moment it does not mean that it is capable of assessing the exact detail of how it will be like to walk every step/process of doing it.

I commit myself to disregard any thoughts of 'how will it be like' to do a task and instead I put myself to do it unconditionally in common sense.

Whenever I see that I am entertaining myself with thoughts of doing a task before doing it, I stop and breathe. I realize that I can think of doing a task for however long I want but that it will never get done until I put myself to do it. I understand that it is more practical to invest the time in doing the task instead.

I commit myself to whenever I see myself thinking of doing a task, stop and put myself to work on it immediately, within the realization that it is the only way that it will get it done eventually.

Whenever I see that I am uncomfortable doing a task, I stop and breathe. I understand that I am making it harder for myself if I am thinking and preoccupied in my mind instead of sticking with the physical while doing the task.

I commit myself to whenever I find I am uncomfortable while doing a task = check what it is that I am participating in my mind and stop it by focusing on breathing, the environment that I am in and the physical actions that I am doing - unconditionally.

Whenever I see that I am judging a task as boring/dull/difficult, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am in my mind and not in fact Here as breath that give me Life, and that giving up what is real for the illusion of the judgement thought is not worth it, as I will inevitably have to go back and complete the task at a later time - so I better do it in the moment.

I commit myself to stick to doing a task until completion.

Day 80: What's in a Task? (Part Two)

Here I will apply self forgiveness on the points that I saw in the last post (Day 79: What's in a Task?), related to inflating tasks and responsibilities in my mind in order to avoid doing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell in thoughts of me acting out actions in the future such as doing tasks and walking responsibilities without seeing/realising/understanding that thoughts are not real and they do not depict or describe in any way what will it really be to walk the talk of the thinking within my head as thoughts into action - but instead it will probably discourage me from taking action in seeing the task as more than what it really is, a sum of individual physical actions that need to be done one breath at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misguide myself by considering thoughts as important and give them my attention to carefully plan ahead what it is that I have to do - without seeing that it is a mere distraction and prevention from taking action in doing the task in fact, in the flesh Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately set aside and dismiss and not act on my realizations and insights on what it is that I have to do - thereby revoking the gift as opportunity to support myself that I have in that moment - instead of doing it and exploring what happens if I take responsibility for myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately think of all the tasks I have to do to then judge them as too much in self interest so that I don't have to actually get out of my mind and do them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that all taks consist of different actions and that in fact I cannot do more than what I can do in one breathe. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in impatience whenever I think of a task getting done in my head before I actually do it - instead of breathing and taking on doing it step by step, breathe by breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical that is real by judging it as boring/dull/difficult instead of seeing that I can be more effective at doing tasks in the physical by aligning myself to the physical, this is = to remain Here as breathe - being physcially aware of my breathe and my surroundings and what it is that I am doing, noticing the background noise and making sure that I am comfortable within my body by breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself by participating in the mind of thoughts of projections of things that I have to do without seeing, realizing and understanding the purpose of the mind of 'divide and conquer' that happen whenever I am participating in my mind jumping from one thought to the other without ever concreting and obtaining any measurable result that is real.

I'll continue with the Self Corrective Statements in the Next Post.

Art by Andrew Gable

Day 75: Excuses to Not Write

The Problem

When faced with writing a blog, use the excuse of 'wanting it to be perfect' to then judge what I am writing as insufficient - to give up. It is a simple self-deception to be able to give up that accumulates in a lot of time lost and eroding self-trust, self-direction and self movement - all to not want to take responsibility for myself or to want to hold into some other point of self interest.

Solution

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to utilize the excuse of 'wanting the blog to be perfect' to judge what I write as 'not perfect'/'Insufficient' to then have an excuse to not write and thus give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give excuses to sabotage myself into not writing - within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself unconditionally in writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can 'give up' on myself by not writing - instead of seeing that I am merely compounding consequence for myself and that I will have to inevitably face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest innecesary consequence for myself by procrastinating/not doing a task into completion - as that makes it harder having to repeat it/start again - and waste time.

Whenever I see I want to not take responsibility for myself and instead cover it up as 'wanting to write a perfect blog', I stop and breathe.  I realize that this is merely the construct of 'wanting to to give up while looking good' and that it may 'feel good' for a moment to procrastinate - but then it doesn't pay as I don't change and still have do it all over again, with the additional difficulty of having failed in the past and knowing I have wasted time.

Reward

To support myself in writing, thus avoiding having to go into innecessary repetitions/time-loops and instead expanding, being able to do more and more effectively, being proud of myself, building self-trust and self-direction one day at a time, one blog at a time. Also, avoid unnecessary guilt/turmoil for not doing what I see I have to do in common sense to support myself - which is a self-manipulation anyway for not standing up for myself and changing.
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Art by Andrew Gable

Day 72: Reward Systems Misaligned

The problem of allowing oneself to be rewarded by someone else such as parents when we do something -is that then we are enslaved to doing this something in order to be rewarded again by them - so one is in a way controlled by them or/and by the belief that we can only get rewards by doing what we have always done to get a reward. All reward should be in a form of self-satisfaction about the job done - not expectation of approval by others - but this is not easy. Our environment may very easely reinforce bad behaviours, for example giving attention to a child when is behaving in a rebellious way but don't give them attention when they do their responsibilities - and this is a problem: We must ask ourselves what it is that motivates us. We might very easely still be holding onto child rewards with a twist/only slightly changed. For example a child that was given attention in being rebellious = can continue with a life of rebelling and of not wanting to take responsibility because it is a way to get attention that may still work in getting attention. That is a problem again because there, looking at it practically, there is a limit in the ages one can allow oneself to be irresponsible with regards to the practicality of living on Earth, like when parents pay for all of the child expenses -- then suddenly this child is and adult that has to move on and find a job and - oops - the habit of taking responsibility is not established and there it goes another wrecked life or much pain and suffering. That is unnecesary.

What if we don't need external rewards? It should be all about self-responsibility, self-motivation - to be truly free. In this there is work to do because we have been so much conditioned to respond to our environment in order to get attention/reward from it that - over time -behaviours have formed that we can see are not supportive for us or others around us or the world. Behaviours die hard but as Lindsay describes in her blog - that I suggest giving a read - it is all about supporting behaviours that are supportive of ourselves and everyone else living in this planet Earth.

Most of our life, if we investigate our motivations, might very well be a chase for the next blip of attention, the next 'feel good' sensation and that, at the end, amounts to nothing, like a light bulb that shines for so long until it is gone in a moment. If we look at what it is that our current motivations have amounted to = it's a complete disgrace embodied in what we seen all around us and that is displayed daily in the news.

A good motivation to have is to instead of keep chasing external recognition, live in a way that we do not have to die in remorse but in accomplishment - having made sure that all we leave behind is  supportive of what continues to live on Earth, and this IS something real, unlike a 'feel good' sensation - an example would be leaving a world without Poverty, with real Equality.

Before facing the world problems, though, we have to go back to what make us do what we do and correct it - because by continuing doing what we have been doing = nothing will change. And this is because what we are so busy doing is supporting a system that enslaves us to continue living in the world as we see it today - and it is deteriorating further and further.

This blog will continue with analyzing behaviours that are not supportive that reinforce self-enslavement such as apathy and other disfunctional behaviours - and then correcting them and seeing the solution and reward that lays in applying the correction.