Day 138: Wich Way is The Way

Learning is the way, that is for sure, and, at some point unlearning as well, because if what I am doing is not working it means that I have to learn something new, and maybe at the same time unlearn something old - and apply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being successful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unsuccessful through judging myself through false standards

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not celebrate my life by judging it as unsuccessful through judging it with false standards

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that money is not the only measurement of success

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I change the way I see myself I will keep judging myself - thus limiting myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the opportunities that I have in my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless I stop judging myself I will not be able to see the opportunities that are available for me, right in front of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how self judgements are self limiting/limiting my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am in a far better situation than I believe

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that beliefs about myself are also a limitation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the belief that I am not successful is not true

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I have done nothing to have x amount of money, then I will not have x amount of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have x amount of money instead of doing something to get x amount of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure for having X amount of money instead of seeing that it is impossible I have Y amount of money if I do nothing to have it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that limiting beliefs are limiting indeed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am isolated

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am free, free to change all that I dont like or want to change or improve of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I apply common sense in my life, nothing will make sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do what I have proven myself to work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about others´ judgements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give importance to others judgements, opinions and sayings about me and what I do

Day 135: Perceived Failure

'Day One is Every Day' This Picture was taken when I was at Uni, and I thought that I had big plans and a britght future ahead, and I started with one dollar --- lolol Every Day, Every Breath is an opportunity to expand myself, stop looking into the future so much, have a look, yes, then back to Here. I have set my Vision, the ultimate goal, which is to Do/Live that which is best for all. As I posted in a comment on Facebook it 'Means Living my Utmost Potential and translates into then creating in myself the change I want to see in the world - to then implement it in the world. So my Vision is That which is Best for All, and transates to, in every breath, consider it in every action, so for example doing my bed in the morning, working a job to propell myself forward, studying self-perfected on facebook -- all of that is already walking my Life Purpose of the ultimate goal of creating a world that is Best for All'

Who are we to judge ourselves? To say that 'I am a failure'? Who I really am is Life, not a Failure, failure is failing to do, failing to act, yes, but not 'I am'. I have failed to act, failed to do, failed to apply, yes, many many times, many many days lost so to speak. But I am still here, this is what counts. Those who abandon the race lose the race, -- stay in! It is not a race, it is more of a long run, with steep hills, calm valleys, and rivers to drink fresh water. Be water my friend! If you judge yourself as a failure, look back and see, in fact, how much you've changed because now you are applying yourself by merely reading blogs for instance such as this one!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure for not having walked consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise everyone's process is different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I am not my failures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that judging myself implies separation and it affects the way I can walk from Here onwards

Thus

I commit myself to stop judging myself, as it undermines my capacity to change in every moment - thus hindering my process/future.

I commit myself to remind myself that life is a Journey, with setbacks - real or perceived - and 'wins' - real or perceived? - Life IS! So I commit myself to remind myself to accept what is here, all the fuckups I've done and walk with my head straight with a vision for myself that is Best for All.

Whenever I see that I judge myself as a failure, I stop and I breathe. I realise I am Life, not a failure, I am walking towards Life -- no matter what -- and that by judging myself as a failure I am limiting my standing, stunting my process of growth - Within this I commit myself to stop myself whenever I see I judge myself as a failure.

Whenever I see that I resist doing something, I stop and I breathe. I realise 'should I do this thing, I will expand' - and then choose accordingly to Expand myself and to do the very thing I resist. SO I commit myself to do that which I resist.

Whenever I see that I have too much to do, I stop and I breathe. I realise there is only so much I can do in one breath, so I commit myself to keep it practical and prioritize that which is most supportive for myself within the realization of 'self comes first' as supporting myself is the first step in walking the principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that whenever I judge myself as a failure, I have already condemned me and said 'I cannot do more' which is in fact self interest to not have to stand up for myself and change immediately, in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that uness I change, I will not change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I don't have to Compare myself with others, as I have my special set of circumstances internally and externally that have led me to where I am now, with my own acceptance and allowance so:

I commit myself to remind myself that I am Where I Am now because of my own acceptance and allowance, but it is not to judge myself for it but rather see - that by not accepting and allowing myself to participate in how I did in the past And through walking within principle of what is Best for All - I will change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that everyone's process is specific -- so I am walking a particular point that is of Equal Value as any other being in process that is walking their Particular Point.

Enjoy!

Day 111: Paranoia of Failure

Continuing from Day 108: Why Did I Not Start the Blogs on Paranoia of Failure

One constant in the last about 7 years of my life has been relative failure in my studies – since high school. The problem is that I created this to not take responsibility for myself. Relative failure meaning that I would for example repeat a course but at the end I’d make it through so the result would be that I spend extra time on doing a course. For me it started as a way of getting attention – because as a teenager when I failed some subjects my parents were ‘all over me’ to try and figure out what had happened.
Over time it escalated because I was in a situation where I did not know what to do with my life in terms of what to study and a career, so I decided that I might as well continue living in the comfortable way of the student life for a while, but without any other goal than that, this way I would for example not put enough effort to complete my studies in the recommended time – and instead do a year or more extra. Looking in retrospective, I used failure to plain and simply not take responsibility for myself. Nowadays I do know what I want to do with my life and this pattern ‘Paranoia of Failure’ is obviously obsolete as it always was. The pattern or ‘Paranoia’ I’ve called ‘Paranoia of Failure’ does not serve me at all to live my utmost potential and thus has to go.

Another way I used ‘Paranoia of failure’ was so that I do not have to change. I did this through using the excuse that I had to study in order to not take responsibility for myself within my process, to remain the same and not have to change to ultimately not take responsibility for who I am and who I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let me participate in the point of ‘Paranoia of failure’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself by deliberately failing at my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself by failing at my studies deliberately by not putting in enough work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to complete my studies even though I might not know ‘what is next’ or ‘what I want to do next’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by not giving myself purpose within my studies and life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misuse education to not take responsibility for myself instead of using it to expand myself/support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live to my utmost potential by participating in the ‘Paranoia of Failure’.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself and believe in myself that I can do and become something more for me in my life through education and a career.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the point of ‘Paranoia of Failure’ so that I don’t have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘Paranoia of failure’ so that I don’t have to face myself, who I am and who I have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the point of ‘Paranoia of failure’ so that I don’t have to face myself with getting a job and support myself that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘trap myself’ through participating in Paranoia of Failure through not moving in any other direction in my life but failure – in self-interest, to not have to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my studies as an excuse to not take responsibility for myself within my process.

Whenever I see that I am using the excuse of my studies to not take responsibility for myself in my process, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to be self-honest about what I can do in my day, and not accept anything less but that. I commit myself to remind myself to be self-honest about what I have time to do and what not within my day.

Whenever I see that I am falling back into not putting enough work or ‘right down not doing’ what is necessary to do so that I am successful at my studies, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it serves no purpose that I fail at my studies and life - and that I must support myself to be successful at anything I do in order to live my utmost potential.

Whenever I see that I participate in laziness or I don’t push myself enough within my studies, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I must push myself – that there are no valid excuses to not do all I can do to be successful at my studies. Within this, I commit myself to push myself at my studies as much as I am able to - so that I may live my utmost potential.

I commit myself to remind myself of my purpose in this life, of the reasons why I study – so that I don’t ‘get lost’ in any way but instead push myself even to greater extents so that I may become more in this life.

Day 108: Why Did I Not Start the Blogs on Paranoia of Failure

About a year ago, some of us started with a series about 'Paranoia' which you can read more about in the many JTL blogs/vlogs. In my case I choose to do Paranoia of Failure because of my experience with Failure.  I did not start at the same time and until now I have not adressed it. Why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure?

The first thing that comes up as a reaction is an excuse - that I was studying/doing exams -- but I have had many hours and days where I had the time to write the blogs on paranoia of failure and yet I did not. If time was not a problem, why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure? Because then I would have to change. If I expose and unravel how I participate in the point of Failure from the starting point of self-interest, then I will have to stop it, or otherwise I will be exposed as abuser - and therefore its 'easier' to simply not investigate the point.  Also, I would have to take responsibility for myself and change. I start today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, so that I don't have to change by taking responsibility for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep participating in the point of paranoia of failure so that I don't have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delve in self-complacency by continuing to not take responsibility for the point of paranoia of failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to not take responsibility for myself despite knowing what to do - thus being deliberate.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider myself or others in not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living in self-deception by not investigating the patterns of failure that I participate in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can avoid taking self-responsibility by not looking at the points that I have created to not have to take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'trap myself' by not investigating and changing and instead continuing to participate in the points of paranoia of failure - to not have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself within the point of paranoia of failure.

I commit myself to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, and take responsibility for myself within what I find.

I commit myself to correct myself practically within the points of paranoia of failure so that I stop my limitations and instead live in a way that I can develop my utmost potential.

Day 89: The Failer

In the past I have always reacted to my own failures, where I would become angry and frustrated whenever I failed at something such as an exam, instead of seeing that I created the situation myself. Seeing that I created the situation is one step to then sort it out, because if I merely react and blame anything outside of myself, I give my power away to that which I blame. Most of the times that I failed despite having the time and resources to not fail are an indicator that I chose to fail and thus it must be investigated, this weird self-sabotage system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend that I did not create failure = to not have to take responsibility for myself within that in which I apparently failed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to manipulate my environment by 'selectively failing' so that I can get what I think I can't get in any other way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inadequate whenever I fail, instead of seeing the situation for what it is, investigating it and defusing it with the tools available - so that I don't waste my time/life on failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the situations where I failed, without realizing that it was me who designed the situation in the past -- as I design my experience of me in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate, correct and let go of the design of failure in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with failure, instead of assisting and supporting myself to expand myself to see what is possible to do/live in this world within the principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to cycles of failure, having to do things many times unnecesarily - and at the same time enslaving all others by not using my time effectively to find solutions to the atrocities happening in the world on a daily basis.

Whenever I see that I am designing a situation where I fail, I stop and I breathe, I realize the absurdity/unnecessarity of the situation, and the abuse that it cause to me and others as me, so I stop and instead walk in common sense.
I commit myself to walk my day commonsensically, making sure that what I do produces an outcome that is that is supportive.

Whenever I see that I am judging myself based on the past situations where I failed, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the past is gone, that I created those situations where I failed, and that I have to take responsibility and investigate applying the tools of writing, self forgiveness and practical application to the point where it does not affect me anymore. I commit myself to investigate the failures in my past so that I can stop it from conditioning my future.

To be continued in the next blog.

Day 75: Excuses to Not Write

The Problem

When faced with writing a blog, use the excuse of 'wanting it to be perfect' to then judge what I am writing as insufficient - to give up. It is a simple self-deception to be able to give up that accumulates in a lot of time lost and eroding self-trust, self-direction and self movement - all to not want to take responsibility for myself or to want to hold into some other point of self interest.

Solution

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to utilize the excuse of 'wanting the blog to be perfect' to judge what I write as 'not perfect'/'Insufficient' to then have an excuse to not write and thus give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give excuses to sabotage myself into not writing - within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself unconditionally in writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can 'give up' on myself by not writing - instead of seeing that I am merely compounding consequence for myself and that I will have to inevitably face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest innecesary consequence for myself by procrastinating/not doing a task into completion - as that makes it harder having to repeat it/start again - and waste time.

Whenever I see I want to not take responsibility for myself and instead cover it up as 'wanting to write a perfect blog', I stop and breathe.  I realize that this is merely the construct of 'wanting to to give up while looking good' and that it may 'feel good' for a moment to procrastinate - but then it doesn't pay as I don't change and still have do it all over again, with the additional difficulty of having failed in the past and knowing I have wasted time.

Reward

To support myself in writing, thus avoiding having to go into innecessary repetitions/time-loops and instead expanding, being able to do more and more effectively, being proud of myself, building self-trust and self-direction one day at a time, one blog at a time. Also, avoid unnecessary guilt/turmoil for not doing what I see I have to do in common sense to support myself - which is a self-manipulation anyway for not standing up for myself and changing.
_________________
Art by Andrew Gable

Day 58: Let's get Real, this is not Disney

I have a kind of mug from where I drink water, and it's transparent so I had to check if it was full and yes it was, and I was glad because I was thirsty - and I had filled the mug myself previously but I wasn't sure of it. This lead me to the realization that, obviously, I am the creator of my reality. I am the provider of what I have, what I do has a direct impact on what I experience. It's like sometimes I'd like that I'd pass at school or have this or that, but WTF? if I create my reality it is delusional that I desire anything - I simply do what it takes to create that which is practical and then there it is. To create something that is practical for All, this would be to implement an Equal Money System. And for Myself first, well, the first stop/step is that I get an education, which I am currently walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get a good education and pass my exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put myself to work to get a good education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to pass my exams instead of putting myself to work for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put myself to work on the things I know will support myself with, such as studying, and doing DIP and DIP Lite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a 'miracle' to save myself in making me pass exams and have a good life - out of nothing - not considering the steps required for that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a good life instead of working for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a job - instead of getting one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have Money instead of putting myself to work for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up writing - instead of seeing it is self-sabotage in self interest to not stand up for myself and change.

I commit myself to work on the solutions and stop worrying about how I feel - seeing that 'feeling' is just a veil to not see that the answer is to walk in practicality constantly here as Breath.

I commit myself to solve all my problems here in my reality by walking the Solutions that I know I have to walk so that I don't have to desire anything - to then expand into working in solving this Reality's problems.

I commit myself to stop all self-interest in desires to instead work for what is best for me in the context of what is best for all, at all times.

Day 52: Write Daily (OR DIE)

It's been a week since I last posted here. Many excuses that I can think of but no excuses are valid because of my agreement to walk this journey to life is to write daily. So I here re-commit myself and forgive myself for having sabotaged myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stick to my decision of writing daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to put the blame for not writing outside of myself in blaming imaginary forces - not seeing I am the real force, as the beginning and end of movement within myself happens with my acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk myself into giving up instead of motivating myself act in ways that are/will result in what is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear-monger myself in self interest to not have to take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself deliberately in acting in ways that make me feel ashamed of myself - in self interest to not have to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to dare myself to live without shame in every moment.

I commit myself to deliberately act in ways that I will not be ashamed of myself for.

I commit myself to motivate myself to act in ways that I can be proud of myself for doing, and that is to do my best within the principle of what is Best for All at all times.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am participating in the emotion of overwhelmingness or fear, remind myself that it is me creating this experience, it is not real and I can stop it in a moment and walk past the experience and not look back.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am about to or planning to sabotage myself into doing something that I will be ashamed for in order to give up self responsibility in self interest - stop, see what it is that I was planning and forgive myself to then redirect myself to live free of guilt and shame.

Day 49: Self-Sabotage in Comparison, Doubt and Fear - Part 2

Continuing of the last post, see Day 48: Day 48: Self-Sabotage in Comparison, Doubt and Fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to other students failing the exam instead of being here as breath doing the exam the best I can.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to exist within me in doing the exam - in not seeing the practicality of walking practically commonsensically Here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself because others are getting low marks in the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the teacher is going against me/students in putting traps in the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the experience of fear of the teacher putting traps in the exam and react to it by changing all the apparent responses in the exam of which I was not sure.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard and override some of my previous choices in the test in fear that the teacher might have put a very difficult exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that difficult is something that some exams or subjects are and that I am Subject to experience difficulty when there is 'consensus' in a class that some subject or some test is judged as difficult.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the class for saying the exam is difficult when it was me that judged the exam as difficult when learning that most of the class failed the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reason why the other students were not passing the exam was because there were traps in the exam - without assessing if this belief is in fact true or a reaction in fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make opinions and draw conclusions from getting to know that most of the class was failing the exam without assessing those opinions and conclusions first


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept as valid the belief that the teacher had put traps in the questions when hearing that most of the class were failing the test just because it appeared in my mind - without first assessing what triggered this thought and if it is in fact real the content of it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to draw conclusions from the thought and fear that the teacher might have put traps in the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the system is against me and that I must beat the system - instead of seeing that if I follow the rules of the system of for instance school, I can work within the system and prevent being rejected by the system and in fact - accepted.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that believing that the teacher/system is against me will cloud my judgement because I will act in fear and not in self-direction; in survival instead of directive-principle of what is Best for All.


I commit myself to whenever I think the teachers/system is against me: Breathe, realize that I am the system as I am all that exist and put myself to work within the rules of the system but not being influenced by it but in directing an outcome that is Best for All.


I commit myself to whenever I see I am participating in fear of failing the test: Stop, breathe and trust myself that the questions that I have given enough attention are done and move on to the remaining questions and only check 'back' if there is more time left - not wasting time in re-rechecking but doing it to the best of my ability the first time because then I don't need to look twice/make sure twice if I don't have time left when I finish the exam.


I commit myself to trust myself to the point that when I am sure of an answer, not change it until proven otherwise with enough cross-referencing that the new point/change is valid.


I commit myself to whenever I see I am doubting myself - breathe, relax my muscles of the back, sit straight and read the question of the exam and all the possible answers as well as check within myself what it is that I know about the question and then accordingly choose the best option available.

To Continue

Day 46: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 5

Continuation of:
Day 45: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 4

Day 44: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 3

Day 43: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character - Part 2

Day 42: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 1

Day 41: Protecting The Self-Image in my Mind  

In reading Yogan's blog I saw how I am looking at the point of getting good grades as a reward.
This afternoon I saw how I was a bit 'down' and disappointed and in a moment I saw how it was unnecessary. Because I am walking again a course with the same name as last year -the 'same' course, I believe that I know what I will be doing and that it will be a repeating and thus boring. I don't know anything in fact and utilized my projections in my mind as an excuse to not engage effectively with studying, to participate in the mind in feeling down and without motivation - which leads to remain locked in the 'Good-but-Bad character if I don't move myself to walk the correction which is walk unconditionally my education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get a reward for getting good grades.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed because I have to walk the same point again this year that I did in the past not enough consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the experience of disappointment in self interest to allow me to not walk the solution of studying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remind myself that it is never about immediate results that I have to define myself - never - and instead push myself to work daily to accumulate so that I eventually become effective at my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will get something off my results at school - not seeing, realizing and understanding that all that I need is me - nothing outside of me is required to complete me but to self-realize myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the marks I get at school are an indicator of how well I can integrate knowledge and not who I am within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to define myself through achievements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to match up the image in my mind as self-grandeur by achieving good grades or having a lot of twitter followers not seeing realizing and understanding that the only thing that wins if I participate in such an expression is my Ego and my mind.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to walk and direct myself commonsensically instead of wanting to expand my Ego in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to attach a positive feeling/experience to what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that because the mind generates what I feel through my acceptance and allowance and because the mind will die if I realize who I am and stop it = I will never get a good feeling from doing something that will get me to a point where I might realize who I am and stop the mind, so I will never get a good feeling by doing that wich really supports me until I stop all feeling by stopping the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to positive energy experiences and negative positive experiences instead of directing myself here as self-stability, self direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to believe that I am doing something different this year by trying to avoid all that reminds me that I am again walking the same point within education - not seeing / realizing / understanding that it is never about what I do but who I am within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to forget that I am walking a point that I've done several times before - to not have to take self responsibility for having manifested this point in perceiving that somehow I am evolving or moving forward - not seeing reality for what it is and then not being able to change myself in not correcting the mistakes of the past in not knowing how I created them by exploring and correcting myself as the mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to draw conclusions such as that I know how this year of studies will play out by the mere fact that I walked a course with the same name in the past - not giving myself the opportunity to live Here in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to stop the 'Good-but-Bad Student' character if I am moved again to another group within school - judging myself before I can correct myself.

I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to correct myself in walking school being Here with myself in every moment of breath and stopping myself whenever I see that I am wanting to interact from the starting point of energy and Ego of the mind to play the 'Good-but-Bad Student' character to protect my self-definitions of the mind.

I commit myself to walk unconditionally breath by breath the correction of the 'Good-but-Bad Student' character in knowing that from the start the character has lost as it is gone at death - but that I am also gone at death - so I might as well walk it through and transcend it while I am here breathing.

I commit myself to walk myself in patience like a mother with a child through their development - step by step in patience and starting anew day by day, relentlessly - as it is required for something of worth to be manifested.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am going into the emotion of 'feeling low' or apathy and unmotivation - I breathe and see that I will never see what I am capable of if I give up - and that I don't have to participate in this unmotivation as all the motivation I need is to make the decision to walk the solution of whatever it is that I am unmotivated to do/unmotivated about.

I see, realize and understand that I can't never be unmotivated by anything and that in fact I accept and allow myself to be or not to be motivated - as I don't need any external thing to be in any certain expression or way in order for me to be motivated as I am self-motivated and I decide that by myself always.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am going into the desire of getting very good grades - to stop, breathe and see that I am wanting to get a positive energy experience that is not real - so I instead stick to my breath and to do what's practically here, in reality.

I commit myself to whenever I want to give up remind myself that I am at the point of change and that I can never give up because sooner or later I have to face myself so best to do it in the moment and not procrastinate as that always create consequence.

Whenever I see I am judging what I do as boring or that I know what I will be doing - I stop, breathe and remind myself that I am looking through the eyes of the mind, not my physical eyes, because what was in the past is no longer here - thus I stop the delusion of the 'past being present' and walk within this physical reality to explore myself within education and elsewhere.

To be Continued

Day 45: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 4

This Blog is a Continuation Of

Day 44: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 3

Day 43: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character - Part 2

Day 42: 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character. Part 1

Day 41: Protecting The Self-Image in my Mind  

- Read for context -

One of the traits of the 'Good-but-Bad Student' or 'motivations' is: Attention. To get attention, to be noticed - in fear of being ignored and isolated. And that's exactly what happened, through my participation in this character - I have come to mostly be by on my own - but that's nother blog. Today I saw in relation to wanting to get attention, how I am spending too much time daily on Twitter. I saw it immediately when I was at the train and saw the time there and the numbers reminded me of a user on Twitter whose name is the same numbers LOL This is how I saw I was 'possessed' in a way with twitter in wanting to get attention in getting a lot of followers - basically this trait of the character of 'Good-but-Bad Student' of not getting top-marks at school in fear that then I cannot be seen as cool and in a way be popular in the class, i.e. getting attention.

Twitter thus I used as a Backdoor to keep participating in the 'Good-but-Bad Student' character by instead of taking responsibility for myself in my studies by actually studying: Distract myself in something that I perceive I get attention from - but has no real relevance, Twitter is only a means of connecting to people but it will in no way change me - that I can only do myself by taking responsibility for my studies and my life in general like I do here - correcting the fuckups and standing up walking the solutions in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by wanting attention and instead of me giving attention to me by directing myself to take self responsibility by studying: Utilize Twitter in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself attention and utilize Twitter in the hope that I will get a lot of followers and be noticed by people around me and in a way be famous and popular.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be willing to put in the time to 'be popular' and have success in getting a lot of followers in Twitter but not having willed to put in the time to study and help myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself by squandering time during my day in irrelevant tasks that are not priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'all right' and conform with having popularity in getting a lot of followers instead of seeing that A) I can't eat from twitter and B) The 'feel good' from having a lot of followers/getting followers on Twitter I created myself and only feeds the mind and characters like 'Good-but Bad Student'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work my ass off on Twitter to get a lot of followers daily instead of working my ass off in assisting myself to get through my education

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave of my mind and characters in working daily to achieve hopefully a state where everyone likes me instead of me accepting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed the 'Good-but-Bad Student' Character by working towards creating attention towards me - not giving myself attention - in separation of myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize Twitter as a back-door to not have to walk the correction of the 'Good-but-Bad Student' in not studying enough in a day due to wasting time in stuff like Twitter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself completely in investing my time in Twitter and other tasks instead of using my time to walk the correction within my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within participating in Twitter and other tasks and not walking studying effectively = judge myself as not capable to study effectively without giving me the opportunity to apply myself to the best of my ability in every moment.

I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to explore and expand myself within my studies by placing all the attention I am giving to Twitter and other no-priority tasks back to myself and my education - using my resources as time and attention to what is best for me first - in the context of what is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to put all the time I can in studying to be very successful without seeing/realizing and understanding that this will inevitably lead to frustration and anger within myself when I come face to face with reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to upgrade the character 'Good-but-Bad Student' by striving to get very high marks at school and then getting attention for it, feeding my Ego as characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the mind works in polarity and that I can jump from a negative experience to a positive one and I am still feeding the mind within my participation in Energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel good when I study - otherwise I feel bad and want to run away and do stuff like Twitter to feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get 'my fix' of energy by getting very high marks at school - without seeing/realizing/understanding that this is merely a jump from 'negative' to 'positive' experience where I keep enslaved in my mind and that most probably BEFORE I reach such a position I will have long given up because I will have ran out of Energy long before I can fill up again in getting high marks because it takes time - thus

I see, realize and understand that participating in the mind as the characters like 'Good-but-Bad Student' will not in any way help me studying because if it were true I would not find myself in the position that I am in of constant failure - thus I commit myself to whenever I see I am running projections of the future in my mind like wanting to be famous on Twitter or at School = I stop, breathe and direct myself to stick to practicality on reality Here, directing what it is that I have to do to become effective in the Real World, that is here that I can touch and not in my mind where I Loose (Illus-ion)

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am not Here directing myself Practically in every moment of breath in doing a task that will accumulate in a result that is best for Me in the context of what is Best for All = I stop, breathe and see that I am again wanting to serve the god of the Mind as characters - so I take the attention back to me in walking the tasks that assist and support me practically until I no more give my attention to false gods.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am going in my mind of projections of fame, attention and acceptance within my environment I stop, breathe and move myself to love me in doing that which is best to assist and support myself to live effectively.

I commit myself to walk within my education unconditionally in not giving up within the realization that if I give up or slack-off within myself and my education: I will have to live with that.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that I am not playing a game when I decide to not support myself - it is self-abuse, it is giving up self-responsibility and it is unacceptable to not stand up for myself when I have all the support available.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that I am being measured by what I do with the breaths that I've been given - not seeing/realizing and understanding that doing anything less than assisting myself to be able to support All Life effectively is the most honorable thing me or anyone on Earth can do - and that the time for doing that is limited and every action is consequential.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am going into fear, frustration, impatience, excuses in my mind, justifications and any other mind-movement = stop, breathe and remind myself that I can for a moment breathe here and continue in my application effectively.

To be Continued

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Artwork By: Andrew Gable  www.andrewgable.com
An Artists Journey To Life
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