Day 94: Stars Aligned - Start a Line

Today has been quite a 'ride' because I have both passed the course of Environmental Chemistry that I have been doing the past few years and also have decided to start at university Agricultural Engineering. This is some self-forgiveness on jumpiness/overexcitement - lol - and more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to breathe when I give or receive 'good news'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to obtain recognition for having passed at my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to risk not passing at my studies by studying at the last moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I have passed, somehow I have won.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with the point of having passed, instead of seeing that it is merely an opportunity to keep walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I rejoice/indulge too much in the experience of having passed that I forget to apply myself effectively in continuing my studies at university.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I go into 'shock' somehow and forget to direct myself effectively in my reality now that I have passed at my studies.

Whenever I see that I am not here as breath when communicating with others, I stop and I breathe. I realize that my point of stability is within breathing.

I commit myself to remain within self-stability by applying myself within breathing.

Whenever I see that I want recongizion from others, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I can give to myself recognition, so I investigate where it is that I don't recognize myself.

I commit myself to investigate the instances where I want to obtain recognition form others, to give to myself that which I place out there, outside of myself.

Whenever I see that I participate in procrastination within my studies, I stop and I breathe. I realize that procrastination will lead to consequence, therefore I stop and direct myself in common sense.

I commit myself to direct me in my reality within common sense as what is Best for All.

Whenever I see that I am participating in 'positive' energy, I stop and I breathe. I realize that positive experiences as energy are a polarity of negative. Both are not real.

I commit myself to breathe through the positive experiences, and investigate them in writing to ground myself so that I don't fool myself within energy delusions.

Whenever I see that I become obsessed about the past of having passed, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the past is gone, both for what was a 'good experience' and what was a 'bad experience' according to me - and thus only have what is here to work with. Within this, I commit myself to remain here as breath, directing myself within physical stability in common sense and practicality.

Whenever I see that I fear over-rejoicing for having passed at my studies, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is cool to celebrate, although I must keep walking within common sense, to not unnecessarily distract myself from what is here to do in every moment to live effectively.

I commit myself to consider in every moment what it is that I am participating in, to make sure that I am grounded here as physical breathe and not somewhere up there in my mind as energy - then I don't have to fear, because I make sure that I am Here with me in this physical reality.

Whenever I see that I fear that I go into shock for having passed at my studies, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is my responsibility to remain Here as breath in every moment, that this will assist me greatly, so I apply myself within it and see that I am Here. 

Day 73: The Task

Artwork by Maren Vargas Del Razo

The 'giving up before starting' of a task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate and postpone on starting doing a task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing at a task - and give up before starting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anxiety and stress for not doing the task I have to do - instead of doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of not doing the tasks I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a task as too big and difficult in my mind - and give up without even starting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in judgements and backchats about a task - in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my decision to walk a task in the reactions I get towards it instead of simply doing what I see is best - regardless of the resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the resistance real by acting on it by not walking the tasks I have to do that I apparently resist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the experience of resistance to do a task exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the experience of resistance towards doing a task is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat towards doing a task - diminishing my drive/will to do it more and more.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up for myself and say - till here no further - I will not accept or allow myself to act on the resistance towards doing a task.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I have created through time the reactions that I experience - thus I am able to stop them and walk them through.

Whenever I see that I resist on walking a task, I stop and breathe. I realize that the experience of resistance about the task is not real, that I created it and that I am able to stop it and walk through it.

Whenever I see that I am giving up on walking a task, I stop and breathe. I remind myself of the previous instances where I have been able to walk through this resistances and I remind myself that it they are not real.

Whenever I see that I am having judgements/backchat about a task, I stop and breathe. I remind myself that it is unacceptable to put myself down by judging the tasks or myself in the task - and so I stop the backchat and continue walking.

Day 53: The Show Must Go ON

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to fuck up and not be able to continue delivering quality work at school and in my life in general in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not 'living up to' the expectations of others that see how 'well' I am doing in my life and at school - in fear that I will be disregarded if I can't deliver/be consistent in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to commit myself to change myself and push myself in what I do daily because that means giving up self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on in self interest to being defective and irregular in my application - to not have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by participating in fear of not being able to continue my application in self discipline forever.

I forgive myself that I have accetped and allowed myself to within self interest participate in fear of 'being in the spotlight' where some see that I am effective in what I do and thus then I am accountable for what I do within them being able to see if I 'hold back' and go back to self-destructing habits of irresponsible behaviour - and thus this forces myself to have to keep pushing myself to continue walking effectively or otherwise I'd be exposed as self-dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accountability in self interest to not put myself in a place where I am held accountable for what I do because then I'd have to change or be exposed as a fraud and a cheat.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I am being held accountable for what I do in every moment of breath as every moment of breath is mathematically measurable within the equation of accumulation as what is Best for All and thus there is no way to escape from this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider as an option not doing what is Best for All - in the delusion that a path of self-interest is ever possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that walking for this one life that I have been given in the path of self interest has no value at all within seeing/realizing and understanding that such a path is not and never was viable in the first place but a test to see who each one is in having been given total free choice where one can do during one life either that which is Best for All or not, which says in fact ,much about who one is.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that - in essence - every day is the same within the realization that it is within the repetition of application in various tasks that I get the results necessary for me to live an effective life and that I don't have to expect from me more than doing my best in every moment of breath - which is easier when being here as Breath, and not up there somewhere participating in the mind.

I commit myself to whenever I see that during my day I jump into projections/desires/hopes and or fear of the future = I Stop, breathe and realize I am fear-mongering myself within my mind to terrorize myself in self intersest to not walk commonsensically here in the daily tasks that I have to do - thus I re-align myself as breath and direct myself to walk such tasks effectively.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am 'backing up' and 'avoiding' facing myself in my daily tasks - stop, breathe and push myself to do my best in every moment of breath - within the realization, and reminding myself that not doing my best in every moment in all I do is to hold onto self-interest to not change to a version of me that is trustworthy to Always act in ways that are Best for All.

- Picture Artwork by: Kelly Posey

Day 50: Weight of the Future Exams

During the day I was experiencing myself somehow uneasy. There was this exam scheduled for next week that I was not confident of because I had still not gone through the last assignments of the subject and I have judged them as difficult because it takes time and effort for me to solve them. Well, so instead of putting it more time during the day I wandered off from here to there not doing school work or other work I usually do in my day. Then at night I realize the exam is not scheduled until a week later than I thought and suddenly it's like this weight is no longer here. But it was never here! Yet I allowed myself to compromise myself in not directing myself to take on the subject, because I had judged it as difficult I was absurdly avoiding it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself by procrastinating on studying for the exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize 'being difficult' as an excuse to not study a subject regularly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that as well as I can accumulate myself to be effective the day of the exam = I can accumulate unsolved material that can make it virtually impossible for me to go through effectively in time so that I can pass the exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate undone homework in having judged it as difficult instead of placing time for me accumulate slowly but surely for me to be able to pass the exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the petrification as fear of an exam that I have not practiced enough - not seeing realizing and understanding that if I study = I still can be scared yet I will be able to pass the exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to only move myself if I don't experience fear - not seeing, realizing and understanding that I will have to go through it if it is here, even though I know it is not real - I have to walk regardless of the experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put fear as an excuse in self interest to not have to face myself within school.

I commit myself to whenever I see that I am 'wandering off'/procrastinating during the day: Stop, write on a paper/screen the tasks I have to do and get them done one by one in distributing time amongst the tasks and remaining here as breath as I do them.

I see, realize and understand that fearing a subject and using this fear as an excuse to not apply myself within it = is not valid.

I commit myself to push myself to get my daily study work done effectively so that I make sure that I am building the structure to pass the exams and not the other way around.

Day 49: Self-Sabotage in Comparison, Doubt and Fear - Part 2

Continuing of the last post, see Day 48: Day 48: Self-Sabotage in Comparison, Doubt and Fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to other students failing the exam instead of being here as breath doing the exam the best I can.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to exist within me in doing the exam - in not seeing the practicality of walking practically commonsensically Here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself because others are getting low marks in the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the teacher is going against me/students in putting traps in the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the experience of fear of the teacher putting traps in the exam and react to it by changing all the apparent responses in the exam of which I was not sure.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard and override some of my previous choices in the test in fear that the teacher might have put a very difficult exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that difficult is something that some exams or subjects are and that I am Subject to experience difficulty when there is 'consensus' in a class that some subject or some test is judged as difficult.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the class for saying the exam is difficult when it was me that judged the exam as difficult when learning that most of the class failed the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reason why the other students were not passing the exam was because there were traps in the exam - without assessing if this belief is in fact true or a reaction in fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make opinions and draw conclusions from getting to know that most of the class was failing the exam without assessing those opinions and conclusions first


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept as valid the belief that the teacher had put traps in the questions when hearing that most of the class were failing the test just because it appeared in my mind - without first assessing what triggered this thought and if it is in fact real the content of it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to draw conclusions from the thought and fear that the teacher might have put traps in the exam.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the system is against me and that I must beat the system - instead of seeing that if I follow the rules of the system of for instance school, I can work within the system and prevent being rejected by the system and in fact - accepted.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that believing that the teacher/system is against me will cloud my judgement because I will act in fear and not in self-direction; in survival instead of directive-principle of what is Best for All.


I commit myself to whenever I think the teachers/system is against me: Breathe, realize that I am the system as I am all that exist and put myself to work within the rules of the system but not being influenced by it but in directing an outcome that is Best for All.


I commit myself to whenever I see I am participating in fear of failing the test: Stop, breathe and trust myself that the questions that I have given enough attention are done and move on to the remaining questions and only check 'back' if there is more time left - not wasting time in re-rechecking but doing it to the best of my ability the first time because then I don't need to look twice/make sure twice if I don't have time left when I finish the exam.


I commit myself to trust myself to the point that when I am sure of an answer, not change it until proven otherwise with enough cross-referencing that the new point/change is valid.


I commit myself to whenever I see I am doubting myself - breathe, relax my muscles of the back, sit straight and read the question of the exam and all the possible answers as well as check within myself what it is that I know about the question and then accordingly choose the best option available.

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