Day 61: I Slipped - Slept

This week I have wasted on sleeping mostly which has been tormenting both for myself and my academic life - I'm back to put myself to work and to not sleep more during the day but only the necessary during the night, and to instead of putting myself to hide under a blanket, to hide in my books - lol.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply myself practically in the self forgiveness and self corrective statements of Day 60.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from and sabotage myself in sleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in wasting time not studying for my exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in not putting myself to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to insist in not facing myself, in self interest to not change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to pass my exams, and therefore not giving myself the chance to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not study for my exams so that I can claim that I am not good at it to not have to face myself in studying anymore.

I commit myself to stop giving excuses and instead put myself to work on my school effectively by placing time and work to do it.

I commit myself to put myself to work on school , regardless of what the outcome I may think it will be.

I commit myself to stopp giving excuses like I won't pass this exam in order to not study for the exam, within the common sense realization that if I don't put myself to study, obviously the chances that I fail are way greater than if I study for it.

I commit myself to whenever I want to give up and stop studying = see realize and remind myself that I have nowhere to go to hide from myself and that I better face myself there and then in the moment than having to time-loop and endure unnecessary 'pain and suffering'.

Day 53: The Show Must Go ON

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to fuck up and not be able to continue delivering quality work at school and in my life in general in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not 'living up to' the expectations of others that see how 'well' I am doing in my life and at school - in fear that I will be disregarded if I can't deliver/be consistent in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to commit myself to change myself and push myself in what I do daily because that means giving up self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on in self interest to being defective and irregular in my application - to not have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by participating in fear of not being able to continue my application in self discipline forever.

I forgive myself that I have accetped and allowed myself to within self interest participate in fear of 'being in the spotlight' where some see that I am effective in what I do and thus then I am accountable for what I do within them being able to see if I 'hold back' and go back to self-destructing habits of irresponsible behaviour - and thus this forces myself to have to keep pushing myself to continue walking effectively or otherwise I'd be exposed as self-dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accountability in self interest to not put myself in a place where I am held accountable for what I do because then I'd have to change or be exposed as a fraud and a cheat.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I am being held accountable for what I do in every moment of breath as every moment of breath is mathematically measurable within the equation of accumulation as what is Best for All and thus there is no way to escape from this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider as an option not doing what is Best for All - in the delusion that a path of self-interest is ever possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that walking for this one life that I have been given in the path of self interest has no value at all within seeing/realizing and understanding that such a path is not and never was viable in the first place but a test to see who each one is in having been given total free choice where one can do during one life either that which is Best for All or not, which says in fact ,much about who one is.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that - in essence - every day is the same within the realization that it is within the repetition of application in various tasks that I get the results necessary for me to live an effective life and that I don't have to expect from me more than doing my best in every moment of breath - which is easier when being here as Breath, and not up there somewhere participating in the mind.

I commit myself to whenever I see that during my day I jump into projections/desires/hopes and or fear of the future = I Stop, breathe and realize I am fear-mongering myself within my mind to terrorize myself in self intersest to not walk commonsensically here in the daily tasks that I have to do - thus I re-align myself as breath and direct myself to walk such tasks effectively.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am 'backing up' and 'avoiding' facing myself in my daily tasks - stop, breathe and push myself to do my best in every moment of breath - within the realization, and reminding myself that not doing my best in every moment in all I do is to hold onto self-interest to not change to a version of me that is trustworthy to Always act in ways that are Best for All.

- Picture Artwork by: Kelly Posey