Day 110: No One Can Stop Me But Myself

Continuing on Day109: Back to Busy-ness, I will expand doing self forgiveness on the following realization: I cannot give up on myself because I have no one else to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself by not writing the blogs whenever I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself whenever I use excuses to not direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself whenever I don’t believe in myself/trust myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take care of myself by not writing about whatever it is that ‘is bothering me’ at the end of my day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself through writing blogs consistently every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to write a blog every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake when writing a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when I fear to make a mistake writing a blog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust my words, written or spoken.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to motivate myself to go out of my comfort zone and do the very things that I resist doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is comfort in procrastination and inactiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that no one can prevent me from writing but myself.

Whenever I see that I am dwelling in the perceived comfort of procrastination, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the experience is not real, but an energy-stimulated experience that is irrelevant to anything real – thus I commit myself to immediately move myself to snap out of the ‘comfort zone’ and instead go into the ‘challenging zone’ where I move past my own perceived limitations.

Whenever I see that I am giving up on myself by not directing myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that every breath counts, so I must make the most of it. I commit myself to utilize my time on earth to my utmost potential within each and every breath.

Whenever I see that I put up excuses to not write a blog in a day, I stop and I breathe. I realize that using excuses reveals that I am not being self-honest. I commit myself to whenever I see I am making up excuses, evaluate in self-honesty whether I can practically in space-time write a blog or not and act accordingly.

Whenever I see that I doubt myself when writing or when I am about to write a blog, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have no other way but to trust myself that I can write an acceptable blog. I commit myself to trust myself in writing daily.

Day 93: Missing The Stop

I was at the bus at night and it was full of people and a bit hot inside, and I thought that the stop would be one that I know but it was an assumption since I do not usually take that specific bus. I distracted myself with opening the windows and then at some point realized it was taking too long - I had missed my stop and had to wait 30 minutes more for the bus to come round his route and pass again at my stop. 

This reminds me of me not making sure that I reach my goals by putting in the necessary work and instead hope that the reality outside will match my inner reality where I can imagine how things will be -- but reality showed me otherwise, the stop wasn't the one that I imagined would be and I missed it because I hoped that I would see the signs that indicate that the bus was approaching my stop -- but because I did not know the route beforehand, we did not pass through were I thought we would so I was clueless all the time that I had missed my stop, until we were very far from it. I could have prevented this by looking out the window and/or asking. 

On a side note, that was curious - I was talking to the driver and at some point, he said that he utilizes all the senses to drive, but the one that he uses more is the vision. I should use it more.

I forgive myselfthat I have accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions in where my stop is instead of asking or being attentive to where the bus is going through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself with the windows and the air inside the bus, without being aware of the route of the bus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hope that I will see the bus stop - without putting myself to look out of the window/asking effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and and allowed myself to trust my imagination of what I thing the future will look like, instead of seeing with my eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with the people at the bus - without keeping an eye to the stops.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that I see when the bus approach my stop in the assumption that the bus would take the route that I am used to during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to override the common sense that unless I look for my stop, I won't see it.

Whenever I see that I make assumptions in my mind about the future such as what the bus stop will be, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to check everything I am not certain of, that assumptions are just that - assumptions -.

I commit myself to check the facts whenever I see that I make an assumption.

Whenever I see that I hope the future having a specific outcome, I stop and I breathe. I realize that hope will not make things happen, only my actions can create the outcome, and I have to make sure that I walk the necessary actions to force that outcome.  

Whenever I see that I am distracted in irrelevant things, I stop and I breathe. I realize, see and understand that I have to see where I am going, that unless I direct where I am going I will create unnecesary consequence for myself.

I commit myself to see with my physical eyes and in common sense where it is that I am going - both in terms of my movement in this physical reality and in my future.

Day 60: Perception-Conception Self-Sabotage

by Mark Tyrrell

Some mornings this week I have faced moments where I was having to do school work and instead I of putting myself to work I have returned to the bed to hide in sleeping. This is unacceptable and obviously impractical because that which I am trying to hide from will compound and become more difficult to direct. Doing things in the moment is always easier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to hide from doing the tasks for school in sleeping – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I cannot avoid taking responsibility for myself – if I am to continue with my education I'll have to face the point that I am trying to run away from = but in hiding in sleeping I am wasting time and thus having to do the tasks later on with reduced time and will be even more difficult for me to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the resistance to do school work by sleeping = in self interest to not stand up for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by sleeping when I have to do school work- so that I don't change, in self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself in a situation where I have little time left to study = so that I can justify failing at school and not take responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am trying to hide from myself in sleeping to momentarily not do school work = I breathe, I remind myself that by sleeping I am doing it more difficult for myself and I direct myself to do school work effectively practically Here as breath.

I commit myself to whenever I see I am resisting doing school work, breathe and take one step at a time, but not give up walking the point.

Am I not good enough?

This is the question that arised this afternoon that I had pain in my pinky finger of the left hand - which If I remember well is about perception.

Within this I saw that maybe one of the dimensions where I fail myself in not putting myself to work on school every day consistently but tend to give up some days of the week, is that perception of myself not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good enough to make it through school - in self interest to not have to apply myself within school and instead dwell in self pity - to not have to stand up for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when faced with a task that I see will require time and effort = 'bail out' and run away utilizing the excuse that I am not capable or good enough to make the task well - using this as a justification and excuse in self interest to not walk self-change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not do the tasks at school and the studying accurately and in-depth when I am able to do it - so that I render myself defective at school = to fail and then have an excuse based on Experience that apparently I am not good enough - when it has been a self-engineered deception in self interest to create an excuse to not stand up for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself in order to not take on my education effectively and take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I will not make it and that I am not good enough with school even though I have not actually put myself to the test in doing school properly- in self interest to not have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize instant/automatic excuses such as 'I am not good enough' give up and and not put myself to work but instead = participate in Laziness and Procrastination.

I see, realize and understand that 'bailing out' in 'running away' from my education is impossible as I will have to face education in order to live in this world effectively in terms of money and global change required within an Equal Money System - thus I commit myself to whenever I see that I am about to give up with excuses such as 'I am not good enough' I stop then, breathe and remind myself that this is a Belief if I see in self honesty in the past where I utilized the same excuses to not do school work and then failed - thus = I instead stop repeating the past by working effectively step by step the tasks I have to do to be effective at school.