Day 136: Superstar

The reason why I am so effective at the moment lies in what I've done for the past entire life, so since I was 17 and you can check here in this blog Day 111: Paranoia of Failure and specifically Day 112: Paranoia of Failure - Part Two " I did not "have the courage" to live out my desires/self-interest and suppressed it, but continued to not take responsibility for myself just in case 'I get to live that'. So I did not immediately go and live out the desire, but wait in hope that maybe possibly at some point in the future I can live them."

Not to say that I am any different than you, or do what I did, each has to walk from where they are.  I am the same as you as Life, as One and Equal as Life. I simply have been more close to my being from deciding to not only not go far away from my being but in fact remain very close, only separating by my addiction to Energy and not wanting to take responsibility for stepping up from there to Living my Utmost Potential, that is the part I am starting to walk now in Self-Perfected group on Facebook. Join me in my journey and understand the importance of blogging/vlogging. My Youtube channel 'What Has Blogging Done for Me'

You can also check for reference my other blog to see how I have changed: bipolarsjourneytolife.blogspot.com and my very first blog started in April 2008 iamruben.blogspot.com

Read these outloud if you dare to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  become addicted to energy.

I forgive myeself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become like a demon that feeds of energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there is more to Life than participating in Energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if anyone can do it I choose to be the one that stands up first if no one else will

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that if the world has to change it doesn't matter who pushes the button, me or anyone else, and that if no one else does, I will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that where am I now is a direct consequence of what I have done with my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I've been redpilled and I should really consider stepping up to the game and stand up for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand my untapped potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that hey, this is Real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that once I say my first self forgiveness statement there is no going back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that no matter what, I will prevail.

Whenever I see I participate in any form of energy, I stop and I breathe, I earth myself as I let go of the addiction to energy.

Day 135: Perceived Failure

'Day One is Every Day' This Picture was taken when I was at Uni, and I thought that I had big plans and a britght future ahead, and I started with one dollar --- lolol Every Day, Every Breath is an opportunity to expand myself, stop looking into the future so much, have a look, yes, then back to Here. I have set my Vision, the ultimate goal, which is to Do/Live that which is best for all. As I posted in a comment on Facebook it 'Means Living my Utmost Potential and translates into then creating in myself the change I want to see in the world - to then implement it in the world. So my Vision is That which is Best for All, and transates to, in every breath, consider it in every action, so for example doing my bed in the morning, working a job to propell myself forward, studying self-perfected on facebook -- all of that is already walking my Life Purpose of the ultimate goal of creating a world that is Best for All'

Who are we to judge ourselves? To say that 'I am a failure'? Who I really am is Life, not a Failure, failure is failing to do, failing to act, yes, but not 'I am'. I have failed to act, failed to do, failed to apply, yes, many many times, many many days lost so to speak. But I am still here, this is what counts. Those who abandon the race lose the race, -- stay in! It is not a race, it is more of a long run, with steep hills, calm valleys, and rivers to drink fresh water. Be water my friend! If you judge yourself as a failure, look back and see, in fact, how much you've changed because now you are applying yourself by merely reading blogs for instance such as this one!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure for not having walked consistently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise everyone's process is different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I am not my failures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that judging myself implies separation and it affects the way I can walk from Here onwards

Thus

I commit myself to stop judging myself, as it undermines my capacity to change in every moment - thus hindering my process/future.

I commit myself to remind myself that life is a Journey, with setbacks - real or perceived - and 'wins' - real or perceived? - Life IS! So I commit myself to remind myself to accept what is here, all the fuckups I've done and walk with my head straight with a vision for myself that is Best for All.

Whenever I see that I judge myself as a failure, I stop and I breathe. I realise I am Life, not a failure, I am walking towards Life -- no matter what -- and that by judging myself as a failure I am limiting my standing, stunting my process of growth - Within this I commit myself to stop myself whenever I see I judge myself as a failure.

Whenever I see that I resist doing something, I stop and I breathe. I realise 'should I do this thing, I will expand' - and then choose accordingly to Expand myself and to do the very thing I resist. SO I commit myself to do that which I resist.

Whenever I see that I have too much to do, I stop and I breathe. I realise there is only so much I can do in one breath, so I commit myself to keep it practical and prioritize that which is most supportive for myself within the realization of 'self comes first' as supporting myself is the first step in walking the principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that whenever I judge myself as a failure, I have already condemned me and said 'I cannot do more' which is in fact self interest to not have to stand up for myself and change immediately, in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that uness I change, I will not change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I don't have to Compare myself with others, as I have my special set of circumstances internally and externally that have led me to where I am now, with my own acceptance and allowance so:

I commit myself to remind myself that I am Where I Am now because of my own acceptance and allowance, but it is not to judge myself for it but rather see - that by not accepting and allowing myself to participate in how I did in the past And through walking within principle of what is Best for All - I will change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that everyone's process is specific -- so I am walking a particular point that is of Equal Value as any other being in process that is walking their Particular Point.

Enjoy!

Day 134: Perceived Evil Shit as Hostage Taking

There are some point or points that I can use to not have to stand up for myself, it is simple, look for something that I jutge as Evil, do it, then don't forgive myself for it. The result is that I have effectively taken myself Hostage by myself. Brilliant. Today I relieve myself from my Perceived Evil Shit. So that I may never again play hostage taking with myself and stand up for myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in Perceived Evil Shit so that I have something to not forgive myself for to not have to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by participating in PES.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in Perceived Evil Shit as self extortion/hostage taking of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I will have to forgive myself for everything so I better not fuck around with hostage taking games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have an excuse as to why I won't or can't stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe participating in PES is a valid excuse to not stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disturb myself deliberately by participating in PES

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that games like PES are valid to not have to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that by participating in PES I will be harming myself ultimately

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe playing with PES is acceptable to abandon myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon myself from participating in PES as self extortion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide my participation in PES 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my PES is evil and judge it as evil

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that participating in PES will stunt my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as evil from participating in PES

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of participating in PES

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear from participating in PES as to what if it is known

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into submission

I commit myself to support myself

I commit myself to remind myself to not sabotage myself

When and as I am tempted to participate PES, I stop and I breathe. I realize I will have to stand up for myself no matter what, so I better do my best to not sabotage myself.

Day 133: Giving 100%

A moment ago I did a live video on facebook about why I am commited to give 100% and now it feels like I am empty inside - which is different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being empty as difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysel to want to feel energy moving inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stop because 'I am not feeling anything'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am still Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see, realise and understand that feelings don't matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my inner experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that experience may not be real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not feeling anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I cannot stop for a feeling or lack of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see that I have to walk despite of everything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need a motivation to move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see that I can move myself by principle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect a reward for standing up for Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see that in fact it might feel worse to stand up for Life, meaning, uncomfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up because 'I don't feel anything'

I commit myself to remind myself I have to walk no matter what

I commit myself to support my physical body

I commit myself to remind myself to breathe

I commit myself to walk no matter what.

Day 132: Life as Death

 

Death is so final and all encompassing that why should not I live life the same way? Meaning, absolutely, definitively, to the utmost degree of effectiveness. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live in a way to create the utmost degree of effectiveness in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can stand absolute within this one life I have been given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I stand up for myself, I never will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I am actively working hard on improving myself I won't be improved as the programming that I currently have must be transcended before I can program the new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise or understand that I am the very thing that will make me rise or fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my past for not standing up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make all kinds of excuses to not stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself in a way that I don't have to take responsibility for myself ever - instead of challenging all self beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my self-beliefs are real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I change, I will not change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that we are not here to fuck around.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to honour myself as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that who I am now is not who I really am - otherwise I would not have a preprogrammed/programmed mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the potential I have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that it is up to me to decide to unlock my utmost potential

I commit myself to investigate and apply my utmost potential

I commit myself to push myself to be and become the best version of myself

I commit myself to take Life like Death is, ruthlessly, definitively, All-Encompassing, effectively - applying myself to live this while I am alive.

Day 131: Where are You?

The day I woke up to pain and suffering on Earth was when I was about 10, I was living in a community so there were kids my age and some where older in the same big house, and one day one of the older teens/early tweens if I recall well talked about how there are 'snuff movies' where for instance - and this shoked me the most - they would torture people and for example take their eyes out with a spoon. I got shocked to the core, and I realised this = If I am in one room, and someone is geting tortured in another room not too far away, I would not feel their pain. In other words, we do not feel the pain others endure. There was something off.

The other day I had this realization: No matter how awesome you are, if you are not Here - if you are not where you are supposed to be, it is as if you don't exist. For example, if you have to and don't take care of something, if you are not there for it, what does it mean to this thing? It is as if you don't exist. The thing you have to take care of does not benefit from you being 'awesome somewhere else'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not be Here for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be Here for everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take care of All life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chose the easy path.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the easy path is not easy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the trap in easy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to open my eyes to what is here as the Truth of what is Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by believing that what I do doesn't affect others - when in fact the opposite is true.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can be and become much more than what I believe is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am always somewhere - so I have to make sure that where I am is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see that whenever I am not where I am supposed to be, someone suffers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it does not matter how awesome I am if I am not the Best version of myself within the context of what is Best for All.

Day 130: Shame of the Past

Yesterday a friend wanted to watch a movie about USA's punk rockers that did a bunch of drugs, this is not exactly my past but I resonated a bit with at times wanting to get away and party too much, and I was not proud, how could I have been so foolish? Now I relish any time I have left from work to apply myself, to better myself to self-perfect -- but I realize it is a process and now I can say I can close that door for good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost say 'fuck you' to the system and do whatever I want to do in terms of partying

I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time partying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the self-sabotage in partying too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe partying hard is cool

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to party hard

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that 'partying hard' is self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that partying hard is yet another form of distraction from self-application in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that no matter how good the party is, there is no party until all can party

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have not to judge me for having partied, but simply to realize to not repeat the past mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that me believing I am not ready for change is simply another excuse to not have to stand up for myself and change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am ready for change, and have been for a while, but I simply didn't give myself permission to do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can stop whatever it is that is a distraction in a single moment

I commit myself to remind myself that I allow myself to change

I commit myself to remind myself that I am ready to change

I commit myself to remind myself partying hard is in fact dangerous

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to be responsible for myself and for All

I commit myself to remind myself that doing whatever it is other than all that I can to change self and the system is in fact self-sabotage.

Day 129: Work

• Do you judge work as dull, boring even as sabotage of some kind? I did. I found this limits me extensively because then I don't work for myself! Work can be and is self support, by applying the discipline I put into work into working for myself on my projects for example is the solution to get out of laziness and start supporting myself better.

I forgive mysef that I have accepted and allowed myself to see work as dull

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see work for what it is = self support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself with the belief that work is self sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that supporting myself with work is cool indeed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise or understand how work is simply an expression of self support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see work as something I merely did for a third party

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the empoloyee mentality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see work as an investment in myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by believing I have to work for someone else and that is the defintion of work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that working for myself is also work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can work to lift myself up both finantially and also expand as a being

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that whenever I work I am supporting myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see work as self support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see work as dull and draining

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that whenever I work I am expanding myself as I am expanding myself in everything I do that supports myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that work is not enslavement whenever is supportive to get to the next step

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see work as an stepping stone in self support

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I can indeed work and support myself at the same time while I do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I see work as enslavement, dull and sabotage I will never be able to work for myself to improve my situation and that of others as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am actually good at working

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can put the discipline I apply in so called 'work' to work for myself to support myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to transfer the discipline I put into work into all areas of my life

I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the discipline I put into work into work-for-another only

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can take grains of truth in how I express myself and apply it into the whole of my living

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that the solutions that I live in some areas of my life I can apply to problems of some other areas of my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to unlock my true potential by interwining as opening the gates that separate what I do best in some areas of my life so that my whole living is improved

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that whenever I am facing a problem I might have faced the same problem and solved it already so only have to take some application such as how I work into another point that needs correction

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can grind

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have grit and thus can apply it in all areas of my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that if I live a limited life is because I don't allow myself to see myself for who I really am

Day 128: ConceptIOn

Initially wanted to name this blog 'Pregnant' but I do not want to be misleading. I am not in a relationship where she is pregnant, no, as I am writing this I am riding to work and I was semi asleep when a strong sense of 'I am pregnant and I am not doing anything' arose. So I asked myself, where is this coming from? And it is funny because I have put myself a timeline of 8 - 9 months to start my business. But the business is not what came up when I asked myself the question of where this came from, it was more about Me - where I am in the process of letting go of the old me to, yes, birth a new me so to speak - the business is merely a side effect of my new direction. The part 'and I am doing anything' arose because with me right now I have a laptop and about two hours, and was not doing anything useful with it. So this blog to mark the start of my newfound care for myself. 'Concept I On' - or 'I am on a concept' as this all is still bsut a blueprint that I have to live and even the blueprint is in the design stage.

Self Forgiveness 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself as my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to utilise all the available time to support myself and train.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I don't support myself effectively I will not be able to go through with my plans.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I need all the time I can to support myself - so use all available free time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that for something to move I have to push, or pull, for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can enjoy the process of creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that with enjoyment things are easier even if hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the hidden ingredient in hard as enjoyment

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to express myself as myself in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread doing anything I deem as hard as I judge and believe it has to be painful, painstaking and that I won't enjoy it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can enjoy doing something that is so called hard to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can live the word focus.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can live the word direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I will not stop for anything in my process of change, so may as well enjoy what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't have to fight something that I deemed as hard, simply is something that requires focus, being direct, and discipline - it does not mean that I will suffer or that I will take pain from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to fear/resist doing stuff that I judged as hard as in my definition of hard there was pain, suffering and this is not how it is as hard merely means requiring focus, direction and discipline.

Day 127: Hey, I am Here

 

Do I have your undivided attention? Ok now, I want to recap and have a look at principled living, what are the principles I commit myself to live by. The first one is: 1. Realising and living my utmost potential

I see this one principle as the question, am I doing all that I can to realise and live my utmost potential? This question is twofold, one is investigating what I am capable of and the second living the change. 

I can realise my utmost potential by self-investigating and walking with the tools provided by Desteni, with DIP Lite and Pro and with utilizing TechnoTutor.

I can live my utmost potential by living my realisations, applying them breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not able to investigate myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate what I am capable of as my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not se I can be and become much more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worth of my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see I am worth of my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that merely not doing anything will solve anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I am directly responsible for myself and my world as without my participation everything would be different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am here to be and become that witch is Best for All.

Day 126: Stability as Matter

Lately I have allowed myself to have mood swings without realising that I am Matter - and that's what matters - Stability as Matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape this reality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct my reality as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate standing up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am here no matter what goes on in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that most that happens in my mind is bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand that it is not important what goes on in the mind in terms of giving it importance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to believe that I am my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my feelings.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am more than my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to celebrate that I am here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that no matter what, I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that no matter what goes up in my head I remain here stable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realise and understand the stability in matter.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am mood swings.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that no matter what I am still here stable infinitely.

Day 125: Enlightenment

For quite some years I thought there is some type of enlightenment that one can experience. Now I have realized it is not real, with a simple question: How do you think your perception would change if you 'become enlightened'? 

It is this simple, a light won't shine on you or you won't be more shiny.

In other words nothing will happen other than self change. Nothing in the outer nor how you will experience the world, of course if you change yourself your outer world may change, or it may not. In any case nothing magical will happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe enlightenment exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see enlightenment is a deception

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that waiting for something external to happen is a deception and a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe something such as enlightenment exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ground myself here and see that this world is all that exists

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for enlightenment to happen to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not becoming enlightened

Day 124: Jealousy

Jealousy: Feeling of unhappiness and anger because someone has something or someone that you want

Related to relationships when you have to let go of someone because he or she loves someone else, it's the contrary of easiness of letting go of that person you were with.

Books by Osho have been helpful to me in learning about this letting go and not going into jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into jealousy whenever my partner wants to move on with someone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that jealousy is poison

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have to give freedom the same I would want to have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe jealousy is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see jealousy is not me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see it is easy to let go of someone you love if you really love them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my insecurities manifest jealousy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept jealousy instead of investigating where it comes from

I commit myself to let go of jealousy

I commit myself to let go of and not participate in jealousy

I commit myself to give freedom to my partner as I would like to myself

I commit myself to investigate any jealousy that might come up to see where it comes from

Day 123: Enjoy Yourself

Have you enjoyed yourself today? I have found I can enjoy what I do as well as take some time for myself to do something I enjoy, and it is fine. Something creative I enjoy, sports and more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take some time for myself daily to do something I enjoy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can take some time for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the word enjoyment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not explore what I enjoy doing in my time off

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my life too seriously

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see I can enjoy life more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have to motivate myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how my life can be much more than what it is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by not doing anything I enjoy supposedly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn to enjoy no matter what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe others have to amuse me instead of finding something I can do to enjoy myself

I commit myself to research what I enjoy to do more of it with measure

I commit myself to take reasonable time for myself to do stuff I enjoy doing

Day 122: Energy Levels

Sometimes I believe I have no energy, sometimes I have a lot. Both sides have to be taken with a pinch of salt and realize I can do whatever no matter my believed energy level experience, mind energy that is, to be amped up or a bit low.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need energy from the mind to move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the energy from the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am here stable when I am not in the energy of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the energy of the mind 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in mind energy without questioning where it comes from

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let energy guide my actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe when I am all caught up in mind energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see energy is not me

I commit myself to remind myself that I am not energy as mind energy

I commit myself to remind myself to breathe when I am all caught up in mind energy

Day 121: Resistance to Write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge writing as difficult and cumbersome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe resistance to write is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be misleaded by resistance into not writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot write if I resist it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that resistance is not real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I resist writing then I should write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the gift in resistances that indicate what I should do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in fact resistance has no power on my physical body capabilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist resistances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am capable of doing anything despite resistances to do it

I commit myself to walk everything despite resistances

I commit myself to realise the gift as pointer in resistances

Day 120: Consistency is Key

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that consistency is key

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise the power of accumulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that a form of trust emerges from consistency

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I am not consistent I am not supporting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that consistency is self-support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the enjoyment in consistency

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge consistency as boring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear commitment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I can be consistent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can't be consistent

I commit myself to live the word consistency

Day 119: Covid-19

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting covid-19

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame covid-19 for my living situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to die due to covid-19

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my smell and taste if I get covid-19

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear suffocating due to covid-19

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting covid and passing it on my family or friends

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get the blame from passing on covid-19

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting covid-19 from touching something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting covid from sharing stuff like a cigarette

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame covid-19 for not having a job

I commit myself to remind myself that I am the creator of my existence so there is no need to blame anything

I commit myself to remind myself that if I get covid-19 I will have to walk it through and that's it

Day 118: Be Real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to betray myself when I don't trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in my potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take it easy at times

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe fear is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to not fear

Day 117: Bullies

Some have been bullied, some have done the bullying, and some have experienced both. Usually with bullying the victim can't make it stop until someone else steps in, usually someone who is in charge or responsible of both victim and bully.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being bullied

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bully others in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that reporting bullying is the solution to make it stop

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I don't report bullying it won't stop

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that merely 'forgiving the bully' won't make it stop

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have suffered in silence instead of reporting the bully

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that reporting bullying is standing up for myself, or others

I commit myself to remind myself that bullying is unacceptable

I commit myself to remind myself that it is ok and a must to report bullying

Day 116: Work

It is what it is, in order to have money most of us has to work, in order to work depending on the job one has to have studies. Because I didn't study for what I wanted to I resorted to restaurant jobs, and I did not like them for the long run, so now I want to study more to have another job. Maybe I still have to resort to restaurant jobs while I study but with a goal of having another job it's more motivating. Due mostly to covid-19 I lost my job and now will have to find another one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to do a restaurant job again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread doing a restaurant job again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to not have to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not finding a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that any job within reason, is cool to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the process of looking for a job.

I commit myself to support myself to find a job.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am of value to employers.

I commit myself to remind myself to use the tools available to support myself in looking for a job.

Day 115: Friends

About friends, someone used to say that 'I don`t have friends, I live by principle.' and I used to take the first part of the sentence 'I don't have friends' and scare my friends that way. Supportive relationships as friendships are cool, to have a view of yourself from the exterior, friends can help navigate life, so friends as self support instead of merely entertainment which in the right dose is cool, is cool because in friendships you see who you are and can expand yourself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prevent me from having friends judging it as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the point 'no one is an island'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fucking up with having a negative friendship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prevent myself from having more friends by misinterpreting a sentence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge friendships as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that having friends is not bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prevent myself from having friendships from having judged them as bad.

I realise supportive relationships as friendships are cool

Day 114: Debacles in Life

About debacles in life, situations that one does not expect that are not pleasant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life will always be stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything in life will or has to come easily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that debacles can and will come in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can to a degree prepare myself for anything that might come in my life, specially that related to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am the directive principle in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not prepare myself as much as I could to be effective in the system.

I commit myself to prepare myself the best I can to become effective in the system.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am my own saviour.

Day 113: Back to basics

It's been a while, I started a new blog that now I can't access so I have decided I will write in this one again. Wow some years have passed and still I am wanting to study, not merely work. Maybe in the past I put myself to study stuff that didn't really interest me that much. I thought it would be cool to have the degree yet would not enjoy the process of getting it in the slightest - thus I would not apply myself to study.

I am resisting to do some self forgiveness which is the format I will give to this blog's, a little bit of writing and then self forgiveness.

I am a bit angry right now because the studies that I wanted to study have closed the inscription process so I will have to see and find a way to make it work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my situation instead of looking for solutions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there is always a way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to study what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to pay for my education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough money to live.

I commit myself to remind myself that anything is possible.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am capable of much more than I think