Day 101: Do or Die

It has been a long time since I wrote a blog. I made excuses in my mind such as having to come up with a specific blog that I have to write since a long time ago, and basically because I was not writing that blog I was not posting anything else.

It is the same with missing class with a private tutor that I attend, because I did not want to show up without having done a task we started, and when I finally decide to go regardless of not having this task done and simply attending with the intention to do the task there, it turns out that we do another thing. So I will still have time to do the other task by myself.

So, excuses are lame and that is that. You either take responsibility for you - and me for me - or you don't. And that is something I can live in every moment of breath, with taking practical decisions.

Another example is the task of walking my lesson of the DIP course, where I avoided it completely and today put myself to it and to my surprise, I enjoyed reading the lesson - and I've seen for myself once more that not applying myself is accepting and allowing myself to live and continue living in utmost limitation and fear - that is unnecessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize excuses to not have to take responsibility for myself in writting blogs and with studiyng and other tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life without giving myself direction as self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by not applying myself as self-responsibility in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to the excuses that I make up in my mind to not direct myself - without realizing that I then pay with the wasting away of my life/time on earth and other consequences that manifest with me not taking responsibility for myself.

Whenever I see that I come up with an excuse in my mind to not walk/do a task, I stop and I breathe, I realize the inevitable that I take responsibility for myself and therefore I stop the thought and continue with doing the task.

I commit myself to me and disregard all distractions/excuses and instead walk my responsibilities within and as steadfastness. I see/realize and understand that participating in procrastination is a time and opportunity waster.

Whenever I see that I am not appling myself as self-direction in my life, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself that I have proven myself in the past that I can take responsibility for myself in walking tasks dilligently - so I put myself to work on the practical tasks of taking responsibility for me and my life.

I commit myself to give myself direction as self-responsibility in self-honesty in every moment of breath.

To continue in the next post

Day 85: True Positivity (Part Two)

Here I will start applying the Self Forgiveness and Corrective Statements and Commitments on the previous day writing Day 84: True Positivity.

'How many times have I given up, decided that my circumstances were more than what I could handle'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to participate in excuses to not stand up for myself and do the required work.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide that I can not handle my situation, without investigating and structuring my day and tasks in a feasible doable way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of what I can do and what I can't do without investigating what it is that I can do and how is it best that I do it for maximum effectiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do things instead of organizing myself practically and do stuff step by step.

Whenever I see that I make up excuses within myself to not take responsibility for myself and my world - I stop and I breathe - I realize in self honesty that I can investigate and then do what is relevant because if I 'give up' all I do then is entertain myself so, instead, I can invest the time in doing what is relevant. I commit myself to whenever I see I put excuses to not do what is relevant, stop myself and redirect myself to utilize the time to do what is important, seeing practically what I can do so that I am effective in taking responsibility for all of myself.

'I realize in looking at my situation that I have been given everything and i have given so little. Education, money, support -- all is in vain -- it is not what one has been given but what one does with it.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the support I have been given and that is available to me, starting from myself and my talents and habilities and also all the support that I can get and am getting from my world - to which I have to honor equally within the principle of giving and recieving.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to equalize myself in utilizing the support that I am given so that I am in turn I am able to also give equally.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize the opportunities that I have in terms of my position in this world so that I can have a positive effect within the principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to walk within the Principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself and others' support for granted, instead of utilizing it to support myself and support others eventually/as I am able to.

Whenever I see that I am not utilizing what is available of support for myself - I stop and I breathe - I realize that I am in a privileged position that I should really consider in taking the opportunities available to me to stand up for myself unconditionally in seeing the responsibility that comes along with having all the support that I have, to give to all others what I already have so that All can be supported equally eventually and that
If I do not do this, I will live in shame. I commit myself to stand up for myself utilizing all that I can and have to transform myself to a better/best version of myself, for me and for All Life on Earth.

To be continued in the next post.

Day 81: What's in a Task? (Part Three)

Self-Correction Statements based on the previous posts 'What's in a Task?'. Suggested to read: Part One and Part Two

Whenever I see that I am thinking about doing a task in my mind, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am sabotaging myself by making the task be 'more' in my mind than what it really is - in order to have an excuse to not do it. I understand that giving up because of thinking that that a task is too much is judging myself without giving myself the opportunity to do the task - as I can only prove to myself that I am able to do something by doing it.

Whenever I see that I am participating in impatience before doing a task, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am only able to do what I can do in one breath and while in my mind I can see a task done in a moment it does not mean that it is capable of assessing the exact detail of how it will be like to walk every step/process of doing it.

I commit myself to disregard any thoughts of 'how will it be like' to do a task and instead I put myself to do it unconditionally in common sense.

Whenever I see that I am entertaining myself with thoughts of doing a task before doing it, I stop and breathe. I realize that I can think of doing a task for however long I want but that it will never get done until I put myself to do it. I understand that it is more practical to invest the time in doing the task instead.

I commit myself to whenever I see myself thinking of doing a task, stop and put myself to work on it immediately, within the realization that it is the only way that it will get it done eventually.

Whenever I see that I am uncomfortable doing a task, I stop and breathe. I understand that I am making it harder for myself if I am thinking and preoccupied in my mind instead of sticking with the physical while doing the task.

I commit myself to whenever I find I am uncomfortable while doing a task = check what it is that I am participating in my mind and stop it by focusing on breathing, the environment that I am in and the physical actions that I am doing - unconditionally.

Whenever I see that I am judging a task as boring/dull/difficult, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am in my mind and not in fact Here as breath that give me Life, and that giving up what is real for the illusion of the judgement thought is not worth it, as I will inevitably have to go back and complete the task at a later time - so I better do it in the moment.

I commit myself to stick to doing a task until completion.

Day 79: What's in a Task?

The power of action, of doing, this is the solution. All the insight in the world is not enough, at the end theory has to be concreted in some action, as the quote 'Knowledge without application is useless' by Bernard Poolman describes best.

The past days I've have had many occasions where I have seen what it is that I have to do in terms of responsibilities and every time I've failed to do most of what I saw. There are different traps and mechanisms to prevent from action, such as thinking of doing many things - this discourages from doing anything because Reality doesn't work like the Mind - the mind can see something done in a fraction of a second while in the real world things take time to be done, it requires a step-by-step, breath by breath physical action such as writing, cleaning or any other task that is real. Therefore, instead of thinking of doing many things, it is more useful to instead see what is the immediate next point, the next step that is required for me to do, without thinking ahead of what comes next.

Like for example, how difficult it is for me to write a line for a blog or read a line of school homework - it is not difficult, it is only difficult if I am participating in my mind about how difficult it is - lol. Because in the real world one does never 'do homework' or 'clean the house' in one moment - what one does in the real world is a sequence of physical actions that accumulate into what we can describe as 'doing homework' and 'cleaning the house' -- but it consist of many actions. So it is not to think 'I have to clean the house' and then become discouraged as seeing it as 'too big' but instead simply see that it is a sequence of actions that I have to do and 'I better get it started becuse it will take time' lol -- This is similar to the strategy of 'divide and conquer' = seeing the tasks as individual actions that are easy but that once are done, something cool or required is achieved such as having a room cleaned or delivering a school paper.

In seeing this, there are no excuses that are valid for not taking on and doing the responsibilities that I have to do in my day, because if I can do the different steps that are required to clean or do homework, I am able to start and finish doing it.

It may sound a bit ridiculous to dissect responsibilities in such small actions but I've noticed how I have done the opposite in order to avoid doing it - For example thinking of tasks as such a big thing/difficult thing to do, instead of seeing tasks for what they are, a sum of actions that are 'doable' if I am breathing and stable here, intead of going into the mind and complain and think about how big and difficult a task is - which is not in fact real, as I've explained.

The next blog I will start with doing self forgiveness on inflating tasks within my mind in order to give up before starting them and then continue with self corrective application to change it to a practical approach to walking tasks and responsibilities.

Picture Art by Carrie Tooley

Day 67: The Power of Persistence

I missed one day of writing and was experiencing this apathy towards supporting myself again and then the decision of not giving up and 'going back at it' emerges - and it is the solution, to keep walking regardless of the experience - giving up is the sure way to get nowhere.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to give up when experiencing apathy towards writing/ supporting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider giving up as an option - instead of seeing that I will inevitably have to 'get back at it' in supporting myself - or face the consequences in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to procrastinate on supporting myself - instead of seeing that self-sabotage and self compromise is non-negotiable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the experience of apathy towards supporting myself as real - without seeing the common sense implications of following apahty and giving up that are self compromise - and thus unacceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the experience of apathy to not have to face myself in the moment - instead of seeing the foolishnes of going against myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if apathy can come up and then go away it means it is not real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that that which I am can never go away - and that choosing to live a miserable life is a disgrace and not wanting to honour myself or others as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I have become as what I do and how I experience myself at the moment = is who I am -- without investigating and doing all I can to make myself functional to support myself and all other Life forms on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself every time I give up - instead of giving myself the opportunity to change through supporting myself unconditionally.

Whenever I see that I am participating in the experience of apathy/wanting to give up, I stop and breathe. I remind myself that I must support myself practically and for this I can make a list/see what it is that I have to do and do it, step by step.

Whenever I see I want to give up, I stop and breathe. I realize that every moment of breath is an opportunity to support myself and that I have nothing more and nothing less than that - so I move myself to invest my breaths in doing activities that support myself and not the other way around.