Day 105: Input - Output

There is a basic premise in Math that for you to get a result, there must be something that produces the result - or else you get none, zero. Today I was working on a math problem where I missed writing a number and at the end of the excercise, instead of getting the full four answers that I expected to get, I got three - because at the beggining of the problem I only introduced three numbers instead of the four that was required. This mistake I did was a begginers mistake as I was distracted and did not check properly when applying the rules of the exercise. So what you put in is what you get out of things. Like writing blogs and studying and everything in life you give and then you receive. Jesus put it best 'Give as you would like to recieve'. Writing blogs as self support and in the way maybe possibly assisting others in their processes is very significant.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to discipline myself to write every day/as much as possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I support myself in writing and in applying myself = the more I will expand in my process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I push beyond my accepted and allowed limitations = the more I will be able to do/become/achieve in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that time is a created thing - where I can make time to do many things within my day to support myself such as writing or studying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the more I support and assist myself with Blogs and by walking my process - the more I will expand - within the principle of giving and recieving - giving to me and recieving from me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live Self Esteem, 'Self as Team'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me the gift of self-support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the fact that I have not lived self-support and self-esteem effectively until now is a simple begginner's mistake and that I can learn from it and correct myself for a better outcome in my life/living experience.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I create my reality and experience and my world and that living self support should manifest in all areas of my participation or else I will create an imbalance by not taking care of all dimensions/areas where i participate.

I commit myself to check and correct myself in all areas of my life/participation where I see that I am not effectively living self-support and self-esteem.

I commit myself to remind myself of my responsibility 'response hability' to deal with all the problems/issues that may arise -- as I am the creator of my experience and thus my own and only saviour/assistence in every moment of breath.

Day 102: Self Awareness and Correcting Myself

One of my fears when deciding to stand up for myself has been the fear of giving up along the way, of not continue to apply myself effectively - in a way, wanting to control the outcome by having the certainty that I will suceed or else I will not start. One thing that I have seen is that I am aware when 'things get out of control' this is, when I am not directing myself effectively - and so within that I have the opportunity to take action. Another thing I have seen is that I also have the opportunity to do again when I don't get things right the first time - For example, yesterday I was until late writing the blog but I did not come up with a relevant blog at first, meaning it was taking me time to write it and I allowed myself to go to sleep without finishing it - thus not effectively walking the point of one blog a day -- however, here I am in the morning after waking up writing a blog, giving myself the opportunity to stand.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the key is self-honesty, meaning that because of the fact that I am aware of when I can do more - of when I am not doing enough = I can correct myself. Within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that 'giving up' is not something that 'happens to me' but a very badly informed decision - and I can instead decide to stand up for myself no matter what because I see what is giving up and what is not in self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will give up myself somewhere along the line of my process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted allowed myself to trust myself enough to walk my process unconditionally in self trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control the outcome of my process by wanting to know how will unfold, without realizing that it is not pre-programmed and that I have to walk it unconditionally regardless.

Whenever I see that I am not doing enough/not directing myself effectively in my day to day walking, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have the opportunity to make a difference for myself once that I am aware of the problem in my application, thus I commit myself to act wherever I see I am not applying myself effectively and to 'leave no stone unturned'in my investigation and correction of the issues with the tools of self honesty, self forgiveness and practical application until I have it done and I am effective in my walking.

I commit myself to direct myself in every moment in what I do - to act where I see in self honesty I am able to do more for myself.

To continue in the next post

Picture Art by Andrew Gable

Day 101: Do or Die

It has been a long time since I wrote a blog. I made excuses in my mind such as having to come up with a specific blog that I have to write since a long time ago, and basically because I was not writing that blog I was not posting anything else.

It is the same with missing class with a private tutor that I attend, because I did not want to show up without having done a task we started, and when I finally decide to go regardless of not having this task done and simply attending with the intention to do the task there, it turns out that we do another thing. So I will still have time to do the other task by myself.

So, excuses are lame and that is that. You either take responsibility for you - and me for me - or you don't. And that is something I can live in every moment of breath, with taking practical decisions.

Another example is the task of walking my lesson of the DIP course, where I avoided it completely and today put myself to it and to my surprise, I enjoyed reading the lesson - and I've seen for myself once more that not applying myself is accepting and allowing myself to live and continue living in utmost limitation and fear - that is unnecessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize excuses to not have to take responsibility for myself in writting blogs and with studiyng and other tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life without giving myself direction as self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by not applying myself as self-responsibility in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to the excuses that I make up in my mind to not direct myself - without realizing that I then pay with the wasting away of my life/time on earth and other consequences that manifest with me not taking responsibility for myself.

Whenever I see that I come up with an excuse in my mind to not walk/do a task, I stop and I breathe, I realize the inevitable that I take responsibility for myself and therefore I stop the thought and continue with doing the task.

I commit myself to me and disregard all distractions/excuses and instead walk my responsibilities within and as steadfastness. I see/realize and understand that participating in procrastination is a time and opportunity waster.

Whenever I see that I am not appling myself as self-direction in my life, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself that I have proven myself in the past that I can take responsibility for myself in walking tasks dilligently - so I put myself to work on the practical tasks of taking responsibility for me and my life.

I commit myself to give myself direction as self-responsibility in self-honesty in every moment of breath.

To continue in the next post

Bernard Poolman, an Example for All

Bernard Poolman died on the early hours of Sunday, 11th August, 2013.

I will be forever grateful for having met Bernard, first online, and last year in person, when I visited the farm for about two weeks. He was one, or the most fascinating being I have ever met. A man of principle, for as long as I knew him, he never stopped walking as an example of living the principle of doing that which is Best for All. When I visited the farm at the end of 2011, I got to see first hand that, indeed, he was a normal guy, and the place and the other people living there, it is ordinary -- yet the dedication of all the people living in the farm in walking practically what is necessary to change the world, that you don't see every day. And that I already saw from the participation online, where year after year, since I've known of Desteni in 2008/2009: The message was/is the same: That of Jesus, 'Do unto another as you would like to be done unto you', 'Give as you would like to recieve' and  'Love thy neighbour as thyself' -- what does it mean to live it practically? He lived that, along with the other beings at the Farm. He will be missed, but his message is still here, and the group will keep walking the principle.

I remember sharing something with him that was a heavy lift for me, and he said, 'Forgive Yourself'. And this is what is extraordinary of what he did, he walked his process with tools for himself - namely Self Honesty, Self Forgiveness and Practical Application - that then shared with others for all to be able to stop ones limitations and become a functional human being that can stand no matter what and effectively walk that which is Best for All, creating oneself as a trustworthy human being like he was, he would never give up, and he did not give up.

'There are no problems, only solutions' he once said. And that is what he was focused on, solutions for people to become functional and to worlds' problems.

When I went to the Farm, I was pretty much a failure walking, having failed for so many years at my education - he said to me in a chat when I again failed some months after visiting the farm, that from this I could take that it is best doing things well the first time -- indeed, I can f**k around all that I want, or go straight to the point, like he did with everything.

At the farm, I arrived there so thin, I remember I was most of the day with shakes that had minerals and vitamins, and he would say,'it's ok, eat' - lol - I had been spending so much time in the mind I had not been eating effectively. There I had a lot of fun with the dogs, many dogs living there. I was there for a short period of 12 days, I couldn't stay more due to my studies although I had been invited for about a year - but I wanted to visit anyway. It was worth it. When I was there, it exposed how I was not being effective, in the trip from the airport to the farm, one we did with Bernard, Cerise his daughter and David a visitor, he asked me what's 'backchat', and I couldn't give him a good definition. I saw I had not taken my process seriously, not investigated or applied the material effectively -- see, I realized, one can have all the support/the best support in the world, but it is up to us to take it and live it, study the material that he/Sunette/Dimensions shared and live it, because 'knowledge without application is useless' -- common sense.

So in the moments, now days after his death, I see I would have liked to, during the time that I have been participating in Desteni, apply myself more effectively, but again, he would have said, no matter how difficult or big of a problem I thought I have: 'Forgive yourself' -- and move on, correct myself, and stand up again if I fall, until it is done, until I have it made.

From having met him I've seen how it is me that willed my failed results in the past within my education, that I can will it otherwise. Thanks to the support of Sunette, Bernard and others at the Desteni farm, I've been able to realign points in my life and next year I will be starting studying at university, something I said I would never do at one point.

Day 90: Hit the Wall

When everything goes bad, I want the world to stop. Today I hit myself in the head with a low ceiling, due to not paying attention, and immediately reacted to two people who were talking to me - when I wanted to be left alone, I wanted others to be quiet for the minute or so I was 'suffering' the pain of the hit. This is clearly impossible, that the world stop for me if I mess up. The outer world will not adapt to me whenever I feel like it, not even if I have a seemingly 'justifiable reason' like being in pain - it doesn't matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to X talking to me when I was experiencing pain, instead of seeing that they were merely trying to help me/emphatyze with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are moments where I have a justifiable reason to 'tell the world/others to shut up, stop for a moment' -- without realizing that the world won't stop for anything/anyone and that I can't control what others do/how they behave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the outer world to adapt to my experience in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to be quiet whenever I am in pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my fear of having hurted myself for being rude/abusive to others in speaking to them.

Whenever I see that I am reacting to someone that talks to me when I am in pain, or have 'fucked something up', I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is my responsibility that I 'fucked things up' and that it is unacceptable to lash out to others.

I commit myself to utilize the moment of clarity before I speak where I see the consequence it will have if I speak in energy reaction - to instead not speak in energy such as anger - and later on investigate the energy reaction in writing.

Whenever I see that I am about to 'adress people' as a reaction to something they are doing, I stop and I breathe. I realize that any reaction I have to someone else is my own creation and for me to sort out, and has noting to do with the 'external trigger' as the being that I react to.

I commit myself to consider my words before I speak, checking that I do not talk from a starting point of reaction or energy but self-direction in self honesty - in consideration of the situation and the other person.

Day 68: If it Mathematically Works, Go For It

Taking decisions in life is not random - usually when faced with a decision we choose one thing or another depending on the accumulated effect of our actions in the past. For example, going to university. One can say that you can either decide to go or not to go but if a student has not accumulated enough skills and obviously has the money for it - then it will be impossible to go through university. Then it is relevant to calculate what will it take to be able do anything in life, in order to be prepared when faced with the decision and be able to stick to it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to calculate what it takes to do what I say I want to do, and then introduce this in a schedule to do daily/as necessary.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to carefully plan and establish a daily schedule for myself in order to accumulate that which I need in my life until I have enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into not prepare myself for what I say I want to do in order to give up in the last moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take decisions for myself in the future without preparing myself accordingly for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to walk my decisions instead of working out if it's mathematically feasible considering time and resources.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the basic laws of consequence, cause and effect - and to apply it to the goals I set for myself.

Whenever I see I want to give up I stop and breathe. I understand that to get the outcome necessary I have to input the work - so I put myself to work in the realization that it is always easier the sooner I start and it gets difficult as time passes.

Whenever I see that I go into emotional turmoil/reaction I stop and breathe. I remind myself that it is very simple what I have to do: To daily walk that which accumulates to the outcome that I need. All emotional reaction thus is irrelevant and not to give attention to - but solved to walk effectively.

Whenever I see that I am projecting what I will do in the future I stop and breathe. I realize that I can only determine what I do in every moment - So I walk practically to add up to be able to in the future be prepared for what I have to do.

Whenever I see that I want to get something done in a moment I stop and breathe. I realize that it will take an accumulation of daily work for whatever time it takes to accomplish anything - so I calculate an approximate of how much will it take and walk until I get it done.

I see/realize and understand that there is no need to fear the future - because I construct the future with my actions - so I carefully plan my actions to tweak/adjust the outcome and thus in a way direct my future.

Free Online Course where you will learn  essential Life Skills  - Desteni I Process Lite

Day 63: Who Decides?

Who decides what happens to me? Aside from chance or imprevisible events the one who decides what happens to me is me. What I do in every moment accumulates and then wherever I am I know one thing: I am living the result of my accumulated past. To create my future in a way that is best for me then is to make decisions and live them accordingly so that I accumulate for a better future than I am at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to wait for permission to create a life for myself that is worthwile and fulfilling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not accumulate in every moment what is best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell into self-pity and my limitations instead of expanding myself in applying myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the 'McDonalds' change where I am in a moment changed and live a fulfilling life instead of realizing that it will take time and effort and planning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in not applying myself in writing, self forgiveness and practical application = to stop the accepted self-abuse and push myself to expand/do more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not do the tasks I have to do such as judging things as difficult - not seeing, realizing or understanding that this is irrelevant and I must walk regardless of any experience, in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself every time I fail to do what I see I have to do - failing myself in doing this - instead of standing up for myself.

I commit myself to assess what it is that I have to do and apply it in the moment immediately and continue to do it throughout the day, going back to this application whenever I see I am not doing what is supportive for me to do at a given moment.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is me who placed myself in the position that I am now, and therefore it is me that will have to place myself in a better position through walking that which is best for me to do in every moment - without any excuses valid, because self-sabotage is unacceptable always.

When and as I see myself making up excuses to not do something, I stop and breathe. I realize within this that postponing will create unnecesary consequence so I do it instead.

When and as I see myself looking for some distraction, I stop and breathe. I realize that there is no way that I can avoid being with myself, so I do the work first and then utilize the free time to do something I enjoy.