Day 108: Why Did I Not Start the Blogs on Paranoia of Failure

About a year ago, some of us started with a series about 'Paranoia' which you can read more about in the many JTL blogs/vlogs. In my case I choose to do Paranoia of Failure because of my experience with Failure.  I did not start at the same time and until now I have not adressed it. Why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure?

The first thing that comes up as a reaction is an excuse - that I was studying/doing exams -- but I have had many hours and days where I had the time to write the blogs on paranoia of failure and yet I did not. If time was not a problem, why did I not start the blogs on paranoia of failure? Because then I would have to change. If I expose and unravel how I participate in the point of Failure from the starting point of self-interest, then I will have to stop it, or otherwise I will be exposed as abuser - and therefore its 'easier' to simply not investigate the point.  Also, I would have to take responsibility for myself and change. I start today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, so that I don't have to change by taking responsibility for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep participating in the point of paranoia of failure so that I don't have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delve in self-complacency by continuing to not take responsibility for the point of paranoia of failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to not take responsibility for myself despite knowing what to do - thus being deliberate.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider myself or others in not taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living in self-deception by not investigating the patterns of failure that I participate in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can avoid taking self-responsibility by not looking at the points that I have created to not have to take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'trap myself' by not investigating and changing and instead continuing to participate in the points of paranoia of failure - to not have to take responsibility for myself and change.

I commit myself to take responsibility for myself within the point of paranoia of failure.

I commit myself to investigate the point of paranoia of failure, and take responsibility for myself within what I find.

I commit myself to correct myself practically within the points of paranoia of failure so that I stop my limitations and instead live in a way that I can develop my utmost potential.

Day 103: Me

I have been listening to this song by Joao Jesus called 'She' - which is awesome - but it got me thinking that, hey, I can be awesome too - just that I have to put myself to it. SO I did some general self forgiveness to get me moving to go  study math, and here is what I did:

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe in me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust in my capabilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to restrain myself into not voicing myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself into walking the practical application of the potential I see in myself of what I can be and become

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the opportunity to become more by having patience with me to walk with myself through the necessary processes

I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to love myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the urgency that I must stand up
for myself, yet I must slow down in order to speed up

To be continued in the next post.

* You can donwload 'She' here, for free

Lyrics:

She,
She is like a light in a dark room
With curly hair to fight away the gloom
You’ve never seen such care

She won’t stop until she gets it done
Even a horse she can outrun
And she can be quite fun

She is a Life lover
She is such a nice hugger
She is a Life lover
She is such a nice hugger

She,
She has traveled across the stars
Although she barely can drive a car
She can get to where you are

In just one single breath
She can see beyond death
And show you how to be free

She is a Life lover
She is such a nice hugger
She is a Life lover
She is such a nice hugger

I hope you get the chance
To meet her for a dance

She is a Life lover
She is such a nice hugger
She is a Life lover
She is such a nice hugger

I hope you get the chance
To meet her for a dance

-

Thanks to JJ for the awesome Music!

Day 92: Sudden Sadness Bouts

At moments this experience of sadness has come up - for what I could do but am not doing or did not do in the past of assisting myself. This is a trap to react to my own situation emotionally, and in doing this I am feeding the mind, instead of acting on this realization to assist me in every moment to expand and support me to be and become all that I can in this one life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the realization that I could do much more for me now and in the past by participating in the emotion of sadness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-pity whenever I see that I could do much more for me in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up for myself wherever I see that I can do more for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to participate in my reality in a way that 

I can be proud of me - and that I can look back and see that I have been giving it my All to live within the principle of doing that which is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply myself within what I see is best for me to do in common sense to live effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and alloweed myself to see that no matter what my situation is, if I am breathing I can stand up for myself and find a way and do what is Best for All.

Whenever I see that I react to my situation in sadness, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am in a very privileged situation where I have all the support available to stand up for myself and change - there is no use in reacting emotionally to my situation, as it does not produce a change, only I can change me through my application consistently.

I commit myself to move make sure that I adress the point of sadness by investigating and correcting every point where I experience sadness.

Whenever I see that I am participating in self-pity, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that self-pity is 'arguing for my limitations'. Thus, whenever I see I am participating in self-pity, I stop and direct me to practical application of what needs to be done, and I also investigate the point in writing when possible/as possible.

I commit myself to investigate all the points in my life where I have participated in self pity - so that I change from self-pity to self-support.

Whenever I see that I am participating in my reality in a way that I am accepting self-limitation, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I only have this one life, with the limitation of time and opportunities = so I rather get this done in my day to day - than to pay with regret later in life or at death, when it's too late.

I commit myself to investigate all the points where I accept myself to exist as self-limitation, to move from self-limitation to self-expansion by applying the tools of writing, self-forgiveness and practical application in self-honesty.

Whenever I see that I am utilizing reasons and excuses to not stand up for myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that any excuse is self limitation -- it is always about self-honesty, to not compromise myself and abuse - but to stand as an example of principled living.

I commit myself to stop, investigate and change all the points where I am self-dishonest - to live free from compromise.

Day 62: Self-Traps

First of all, apologies for having missed so many days. Today I went to the terrace of the building where I live and forgot to put the door locked in a way that it won't close once I am out, so I was locked in the terrace because I forgot to do that. In a moment, the door was shut and I was out - and had to call a neighbour to open the door to get out. This reminded me that I can become 'fucked up by my own design/creation' where I find myself in a position that I 'wasn't intending to happen' but happened - in this case by a distraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss so many days of writting and supporting myself with self forgiveness, not supporting myself in doing this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up myself in not supporting myself daily effectively - giving up self responsibility and creating unnecesary consequence for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself through not honouring myself in supporting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that I must act in ways to support myself to take responsibility for myself becuse unless I do it noone will do it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trick and deceive myself into giving up instead of finding ways to take on the tasks to take responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see and know how I will be doing in the future instead of working day by day in ways that are proven to be self supportive like daily writting and self forgiveness as in the course desteni I process and journey to life blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept as 'normal' to not take responsibility for myself - instead of seeing the common sense that it is unacceptable and will only lead to undesired consequence and pain and suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider myself and all others in not supporting myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the opportunity that I have with the support available in Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe 'resistance' to act in ways that are proven self supportive such as writing and self forgiveness and practical application as described by Desteni - is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that self interest is not a way but a trap in the belief that there is free choice to not act in ways that are Best for All which is taking responsibility for oneself unconditionally and expand to the world from this, to solve the current problems faced on Earth such as porverty, starvation, war and other abuse going on daily.

I commit myself to unconditionally walk the tools proven to be effective in self-change in taking responsibility for my accepted and allowed limitations such as procrastination, lazyness and the giving up of self-responsibility that goes along with living on Earth.

An invitation to support yourself from self limitation to self-discovery:

Desteni Website, join the forum at http://forum.desteni.org/
Free Online Course Desteni I Process Lite, guided by a buddy at http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/